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There was already a thread on friends. What about the ex? Have you ever had an ex just fall apart after a breakup?
I just got word that the ex walked out of his job and in going back to the place we shared I found it in a disarray and having quite a few empty wine bottles. I was happy for him at first thinking: well maybe he is having guests or girls and getting on with his life. But now after the news of walking off his job I feel slightly worried for him. He has no family and I have moved on since the break up to a positive place. But I can't help but feel guilty for his demise.
What have any of you told yourself when faced with a similar situation? Our break up was like a divorce as we had been together for a decade and were in our 30's. I feel like I should give him "a talk" about not digging himself into a hole where he is trapped by negative choices. I used to always have those talks with him. Its one of the reasons we broke up as I felt like I was always trying to keep both our heads above water. I felt more like a mother/shrink/money councilor than a partner. I am just trying to decide if I should have one final chat about those things before making a clean break in a couple months. We are still on a lease till then so I am tied to a contract. Which isn't a problem other than I have to go move some things out of my old place still. The only reason they are still there is because its been in the teens and colder where I live. (not moving weather unless you want something to fall off)
Yes when I left the ex, he went on like a mid life crisis..Quit a 100K+ job a year and decided to go on unemplyment!!! I was like WTF??? He just now got another high paying job about 2 months ago after almost a year..
I am glad I got off my ex's sinking boat. Within one year of me leaving:
he crashed a company vehicle, quit his job (when being asked why he was driving the company vehicle when without authorization)
Went into foreclosure on his home (I did not ask for equity)
Blew up the engine on his car (he was/is a mechanic with a shop full of tools)
Overdarafted to the tune of 2000.00 (I know this because the bank raided my savings account)
Now that we have been divorced for almost five years, he still isn't working and has now lost his license due to DUI. Our son has distanced himself form his father. I have always facilitated visitation.... even offering to drive our son. They have a pretty good phone relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my ex is who he is. I cannot fix him and quite honestly, I do not have the energy to try anymore. That is why I left.
I also had an ex b/f who shot himself when I left him.
There is nothing you can do... plus he's not your concern anymore and if you try to help him he will tell you that it's none of your business (unless you guys split on amicable terms and are still friends).
Eh, why would you want to waste your energy having a talk with him about things he never heeded the other umpteem times you discussed these very topics? Don't feel guilty, you're not responsible for him and his behaviors, only he is, that's what adults do they take responsibility for themselves.
Just be glad you got out of it when you did otherwise you'd still be his psychiatrist/mother to this day, and that's not what you want. I'm divorced for the same reason, I got tired of feeling like I had two children when I only really had one. I don't want to be anybody's mother, I want an equal, and so should you. It's exhuasting to be with someone like that, gets old real fast.
P.S. To the person who posted that her ex went into foreclosure and was overdrawn, my ex said I was holding him back, and a a year or two later was filing for bankruptcy and is currently in foreclosure. I guess I was holding him back from financial ruin!! I'm soooo not surprised.
Last edited by onegreatnurse; 02-09-2011 at 03:47 PM..
I would leave your ex alone otherwise you run the risk of staying in the mother roll. You can't change people who have self destructing behaviors only they can change themselves.
I am glad I got off my ex's sinking boat. Within one year of me leaving:
he crashed a company vehicle, quit his job (when being asked why he was driving the company vehicle when without authorization)
Went into foreclosure on his home (I did not ask for equity)
Blew up the engine on his car (he was/is a mechanic with a shop full of tools)
Overdarafted to the tune of 2000.00 (I know this because the bank raided my savings account)
Now that we have been divorced for almost five years, he still isn't working and has now lost his license due to DUI. Our son has distanced himself form his father. I have always facilitated visitation.... even offering to drive our son. They have a pretty good phone relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my ex is who he is. I cannot fix him and quite honestly, I do not have the energy to try anymore. That is why I left.
I also had an ex b/f who shot himself when I left him.
Exactly why I left my ex-husband. He was already spiraling down quickly, and he completely lost it once I filed. I can relate to much of what the poster I quoted said. In the last couple of years he has finally gotten himself back to a healthy place. That's very important, since we have a son together.
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