Define "needy" -- do you agree with this definition of "neediness"?

[Le Lune]

Originally Posted by tvdxer

An obsessive focus on "the one" is socially disadvantageous for obvious reasons, because "the one" you are in a relationship with will probably not be "the one" you are with forever, and I think people are beginning to realize that.

But is "obsessively" focusing on the "one" really such a bad thing? Again, it depends on the individual's definition or preference of the amount of obsession allowed. I mean, yes, partners need to give each other space at times, but having the mentality that s/he is the "one", is not a bad thing, in my opinion. That's kinda the basis to a long term committment and relationship because it builds trust and attachment. Of course, too much is a bad thing, but just enough is what makes relationships last.

Can you look at your SO in the eyes and tell them that while you love them to pieces, they are not the one for you? That you see yourself breaking up with them in the future?

Yes, reality says that the two of you ending up together is probably not going to happen. But why create that early predicament for relationship failure with that train of thought? Giving up hope before even trying.

Why not love them and put your best effort into the relationship. If it fails, oh well. There is going to be someone meant for you out there. I think it's selfish to hold out on fully loving a person just because they might not be the "one".

[sweepea]

I know this is an old thread...but reading it today helped me very much! Thank you, all. And thanks for the humor.

Love me love me love me did I do something wrong tell me I'll fix it!!

[CArizona]

I think we all need to have a few personal interests of our own even if we are married..This keeps us "interesting" and "exciting" to our mates too...We always have something new to talk about. My definition of someone who is "needy" is a person who fails to take the initiative and amuse themselves. They expect us to constantly "entertain" them. They expect us to come up with new ideas and make most of the plans for both of us...They "hitch a ride" on our back and make our goals and dreams and interests "their own."....Then they sit back and do very little and complain that they are bored all the time!