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My husband and I didn't "bother" each other when we were out in the world "doing stuff" by ourselves. We wanted to give each other "space." We'd contact each other if there was an emergency or to say that we'd be back later than expected etc...We didn't "pester" each other with non-stop phone calls or texts. It was important to give each other "personal space." Neither one of us wanted to feel that we were on a "leash" even though we were close and best friends.
That's why I want someone whom I can trust. I like to let her go off and do her own thing. I also like to do the same. If I'm at the drag strip I don't want her burning up my phone. The same goes for fishing or whatever else. That's why having one that is fully capable of saying "NO" is always a plus!
That's why I want someone whom I can trust. I like to let her go off and do her own thing. I also like to do the same. If I'm at the drag strip I don't want her burning up my phone. The same goes for fishing or whatever else. That's why having one that is fully capable of saying "NO" is always a plus!
Cell phones with texting were /are a great invention but they can be a "curse" too if they are "misused."....I didn't want to "horn in" on my husband's free time and vica versa! We trusted each other and let each other "be" at times. Maybe this is why we stayed married for 24 years. We knew how to be "super close" and we knew when to "step aside" and let each other have some "breathing space" and separate interests too. Sad that my husband is "gone" now.
What is a boundary? Well here's an example: Let's say that our boss assumes that we can stay and work overtime without asking or checking with us first...In this case our boss assumes that he or she "owns" us and "owns" the "rights" to our time...Or our SO makes plans for us to attend a dinner party over the weekend without checking with us first...What's another example? A friend comes over to visit with her toddler. The toddler systematically opens all of the cabinets and drawers in our kitchen and pulls pots and pans and silverware onto the floor. Our friend .sits back and says nothing. We have to get up ourselves and pull the toddler out of the kitchen...I'll try to think of some more examples. Can you think of any other "boundary violations?" Thanks!
What is a boundary? Well here's an example: Let's say that our boss assumes that we can stay and work overtime without asking or checking with us first...In this case our boss assumes that he or she "owns" us and "owns" the "rights" to our time...Or our SO makes plans for us to attend a dinner party over the weekend without checking with us first...What's another example? A friend comes over to visit with her toddler. The toddler systematically opens all of the cabinets and drawers in our kitchen and pulls pots and pans and silverware onto the floor. Our friend .sits back and says nothing. We have to get up ourselves and pull the toddler out of the kitchen...I'll try to think of some more examples. Can you think of any other "boundary violations?" Thanks!
Ok in this context it's just life-management to me:
1) I'm sorry I can't. If you give me a heads-up next time it will be easier for me to make sure I'm available.
2) Honey, I NEED to veg all this weekend. Can you call Mr. & Mrs. X and make it for another weekend. Or heck, just go.
3) Friend, there are a lot of breakable items in the pantry and I'm scared Friend Jr. will get hurt. Why don't you grab him and I'll get some things he can play with safely. Or, Friend Jr. needs to play, why don't we go down to the park...
Ok in this context it's just life-management to me:
1) I'm sorry I can't. If you give me a heads-up next time it will be easier for me to make sure I'm available.
2) Honey, I NEED to veg all this weekend. Can you call Mr. & Mrs. X and make it for another weekend. Or heck, just go.
3) Friend, there are a lot of breakable items in the pantry and I'm scared Friend Jr. will get hurt. Why don't you grab him and I'll get some things he can play with safely. Or, Friend Jr. needs to play, why don't we go down to the park...
I'm with CArizona. I'm big on personal space and not being clingy with each other. For me if I'm at the farm hanging with my girlfriends riding our horses I don't want 20 phone calls asking me when I'm going to be done. I'm also a very private person, boundaries for me would be if I tell you something, I told YOU, not your friends and relatives so the conversation needs to stay between us. Otherwise it's on a case to case basis. I try to associate myself with like minded people so that need to actually set boundaries has rarely come up.
How would you describe "having boundaries" in relationships? Have you ever had to adjust or re-set your boundaries with certain people? How did it work out? Did you run into resistance at first?...What made you realize that you didn't have "strong enough boundaries?"
My boundaries are I wont be disrespected.
And I stick to that, if it intentional than I dont stick around
If its not then Im apt to understanding
I wont disrespect who Im with
To me respect goes a long way
I just reset a boundary over the weekend. I have known this girl for over 3 years. I have known her boyfriend for 2 years. They have been fighting for weeks and she moved out. She's supposedly broke and has even mentioned being hungry/going without food. She was complaining that other friends had abandoned her. I and my girlfriend invited her out to lunch. She said "I told you I don't have any money" I said "we'll pay, it's OK." She said thanks but6 it's OK. 5 minutes later here comes her boyfriend all flustered and yelling "Hey pat, did you just invite my girlfriend out to lunch, what the ....?" I said yes, me and Michelle just invited her out because she was telling everybody she was hungry" Well......WELL WHAT JOE? Joe ran off with his skirt tucked in for maximum flight!
But you know I wasn't mad at Joe, not that I wouldn't have injured him badly, and he knows that, but in a way I do feel sorry for him. Why? Because who TOLD JOE? Who knows Joe will react just like that if told something like that? Whose SET JOE UP? She did! 20 minutes later they were both holding hands. I and My GF had just been drawn into drama fest. It will not happen again for a long while.
I'm with CArizona. I'm big on personal space and not being clingy with each other. For me if I'm at the farm hanging with my girlfriends riding our horses I don't want 20 phone calls asking me when I'm going to be done. I'm also a very private person, boundaries for me would be if I tell you something, I told YOU, not your friends and relatives so the conversation needs to stay between us. Otherwise it's on a case to case basis. I try to associate myself with like minded people so that need to actually set boundaries has rarely come up.
I'm a very private person too. This is why I don't have a "Facebook" page. I just call or write to special friends or family members on my own.
I just reset a boundary over the weekend. I have known this girl for over 3 years. I have known her boyfriend for 2 years. They have been fighting for weeks and she moved out. She's supposedly broke and has even mentioned being hungry/going without food. She was complaining that other friends had abandoned her. I and my girlfriend invited her out to lunch. She said "I told you I don't have any money" I said "we'll pay, it's OK." She said thanks but6 it's OK. 5 minutes later here comes her boyfriend all flustered and yelling "Hey pat, did you just invite my girlfriend out to lunch, what the ....?" I said yes, me and Michelle just invited her out because she was telling everybody she was hungry" Well......WELL WHAT JOE? Joe ran off with his skirt tucked in for maximum flight!
But you know I wasn't mad at Joe, not that I wouldn't have injured him badly, and he knows that, but in a way I do feel sorry for him. Why? Because who TOLD JOE? Who knows Joe will react just like that if told something like that? Whose SET JOE UP? She did! 20 minutes later they were both holding hands. I and My GF had just been drawn into drama fest. It will not happen again for a long while.
Sorry! Good that you learned from the experience.
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