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Chemistry is a very real thing, and its very important in all relavent human relationships, not just in the battle if the sexes.
Chemistry is when there are no more awkward silences. You know when you really connect with a person when the both of you can just shut the f**k up, and be fine with it, because there is a level of understanding that transcends vocalization. It's like you can read eachother's minds.
Yes, but that's just part of it. You can't keep your eyes off of each other. You can't eat or sleep while it's new. You don't just get the butterflies--your entire gut contents flip over when he's near. It's the most pleasurable sensation in your entire life, but if you're with someone else it's also the most painful. And like Lucario, I just don't understand it but I know I won't be trying to get into any more relationships without it even if I have to spend my life alone. I love the comment by Catherine in Wuthering Heights: "I'm not in love with Heathcliff--I am Heathcliff!" Oh yes, and 20 years later you still remember how he smells--can literally smell him while talking to him on the phone. I think that smell is a huge part of it.
It doesn't have to do with previous experiences as I had it with my first boyfriend. It was some attraction on a physical level but more importantly, mentally & emotionally, we connected as if we knew each other for years. Hard to explain how that is.
Chemistry can be just one thing, as in sexual chemistry as previously stated. But it can be more.
What do people say they want in a partner? Looks, intelligence, sense of humor...and most of us have dated that yet there was no chemistry. That thing that makes you feel intimate with a stranger or 'get' someone where you connect in a way that is rare. I've dated very good-looking men who were intelligent, funny, etc... and felt no chemistry.
Now, you can feel some chemistry talking to people you've never met but when you do meet in person, it goes poof. Everything can seem great yet when you meet, nothing.
Here's where science comes in. There is an actual chemical, phenylethylamine or PEA that is an ammine in the brain. It acts like an amphetamine, like a drug. You get jitters, excitement at the thought of your love, gives you energy like you didn't have before. Chocolate has traces of PEA.
Oxytocin is another chemical known for wanting to cuddle and nuture and peaks during orgasm. Another is norepinephrine which stimulates adrenaline in your body when you're near the person you are attracted to. Your heart pounds, blood pressure soars, sweaty palms and nervousness occur.
These chemicals are serving a function of creating attraction and bonding partners for mating. However, the honeymoon can vanish. The chemical attraction can last for 18 months to 4 years but all the while we are building up a tolerance. It fades over time and that's where the work to keep the relationship going begins without relying on chemistry.
Chemistry is important because even when it fades, if it was strong in the beginning,we will try to get it back. Like a drug addict needing a fix. If there was no chemistry, partners will be less likely to work things out. Your higher functioning brain can work with those chemicals to keep the bond going but the bond will not happen without the chemistry.
Last edited by Donna in AZ; 02-16-2011 at 10:52 PM..
Reason: sic
yeah he has no clue whether he has chemistry with this girl, she might take one look at him and run (no offense to the OP) like others have said its sight/touch even scent (phermones). You CAN fall in love with a voice, but at the end of the day, you need that physical connection in person for the sparks to fly.
So true. On another thread I discussed this. I was living in NYC, my roomie was talking to this girl in Ohio, he put me on the phone with her, we talked non stop for hours and hours and hours. She told me I was an amazing and beautiful person. That next week I was on a plane to Ohio. Long story short, she didn't like me at all.
I was really hurt. And pissed. So I don't know what chemistry is, but I know what it isn't.
I have felt chemistry with a few guys, but it didn't work out. Some men are afraid of sexual chemistry and prefer to be "safe" in a boring relationship than "living on love". I used to know a guy who just looking at me would drive him a little crazy, but he was so in denial, there was no reaching him. As time has passed (years), I look back and think of him with a slight disgust, as he was very cowardly. So beware, chemistry can turn into disgust if not allowed to flourish.
if there is no chemistry, there will likely be no romance.
Chemistry is a key ingrediant of attraction, which is necessary for any romance to grow
Absolutely true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow
There's no doubt part of it is sexual attraction. But there's more to it than that. Magic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhistlerMCMLV
And where were you, darling, on the night of 3 March 2009? )
Ah...another CD romance! I had no idea!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886
If you're so quick to say that chemistry doesn't exist, I would suggest it's because you have yet to experience it. No, it has nothing to do with sex, at least not in the early stages. While having a healthy sexual relationship will definitely encourage and strengthen a couple that already has good chemistry, the absence of having had sex will not suddenly render chemistry irrelevant. Chemistry doesn't magically appear after having sex with different people. It is an instant connection between two people, a tingling nervousness about being close to them, the attraction you can't deny no matter how much you try. It cannot be faked or denied.
Until you meet this person for real, there is no way to know what you really have. She may feel no physical attraction to you, no butterflies in her stomach when she's close to you physically. It's entirely possible for two people to highly regard one another, to find the other fascinating, to enjoy lively conversation, but to have no honest physical attraction and tingling desire just from being around that person. That's lack of chemistry. Those people would make great friends, life-long friends, but not good romantic partners or lovers. Something would always be missing, and if/when they did finally meet a person they felt honest attraction to, they would very likely feel they had made a mistake.
VERY well put, H886. Good post.
Chemistry can feel as strong as an electric force field. It pulls you, holds you, and sometimes even renders you damn near powerless. Like the previous poster said...it's magic.
To this day I do not fully understand what chemistry is or what it means.
Chemistry is basically someone you could talk to non-stop without having any type of awkward silences or "forcing" conversations on them if you know what I mean. Someone you could talk to smoothly and naturally without having to ask questions or do anything extra to keep the conversation alive.
20 years later you still remember how he smells--can literally smell him while talking to him on the phone. I think that smell is a huge part of it.
I agree. Smell is the sense most closely linked to memory, so that probably plays a part. I've mention an ex-boyfriend of mine before--good-looking guy, but he smelled funny. It wasn't like he needed to take a shower or anything like that. He just had the wrong pheromones, I think. I liked dating him and he was a great kisser, but if we started to fool around more than that I would just turn off. It was the weirdest thing.
So true. On another thread I discussed this. I was living in NYC, my roomie was talking to this girl in Ohio, he put me on the phone with her, we talked non stop for hours and hours and hours. She told me I was an amazing and beautiful person. That next week I was on a plane to Ohio. Long story short, she didn't like me at all.
I was really hurt. And pissed. So I don't know what chemistry is, but I know what it isn't.
Chemistry requires you to actually BE in one anothers presence.
You can't just be pen pals or phone buddies.
You could write or talk to someone for years and think you really know them/love them, but you'll never know if there is true chemistry until you are face to face.
Chemistry requires you to actually BE in one anothers presence.
You can't just be pen pals or phone buddies.
You could write or talk to someone for years and think you really know them/love them, but you'll never know if there is true chemistry until you are face to face.
yeh, i found that out.
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Like the previous poster said...it's magic.
