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I'm sorry you feel that way. A lot of other people have been very helpful on here and given great insight. I'm now delaying any talk of marriage until (a) I'm employed and (b) we have some sort of 5-year plan/outline that doesn't consist of us eating raemen noodles for the next 5 years and living in a cardboard box.
Unfortunately relationships are far more complicated than just money, otherwise I would have never posted.
Oh well, you are going into forewarned. When it unravels due to the known and unknown, but likely, problems you will be able to accept it for what it was. Your choice. In the meantime, good fortune.
Oh, you know how soft her skin is...you know her hopes and dreams..you know how happy she makes you feel...the sun shines brighter right now and the moon glows and beckons you to sing under it...BUT !----
You are in * limerance* right now...You can't see what you need to see..
Well, I should say you DO have a premature look at how she handles money. ( and yours later... )
You are about to get a reality check on how she handles stress when you guys have your first fight. 90% of relationships fold by the 6 month level because you either accept all her faults or you RUN for the HILLS !
I predict not a very good outcome here ( marriage wise this early ) . Nothing saying dating would not be a bad deal, she is pretty and nice and you love/like her...have fun with her but for Gods sake don't mingle money !!!
You basically file for bankruptcy, which stops all foreclosure proceedings. This gets the paperwork jammed up for awhile. Then you do it one more time. Takes about a year before they catch up with you (you can only do it twice).
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So now we can add low character to her list of short comings.
My girlfriend of 4 months just informed me that she realized she had well north of 200K in student loan debt. We are both in our 40's, divorced and each with 2 kids about to hit college. She's working on her phD in a decent field, but she still has 2 years to go! She went through some rough times (the ex has major issues) and I think she used a bunch of it just to live on. We've had these conversations a couple times before, and she always thought the debt was under 6 figures -- apparently this was the first time she really sat down and added it up (she tends to bury things that causes her anxiety obviously). She's has no savings and about to get foreclosed on (her payment went up 600 a year ago and she just stopped making the payments, "faking" a bankruptcy to stay in the house, but she'll need to find a new place by June).
This woman is beautiful, smart and absolutely adores me. She works 3 jobs and goes to school, and is an incredible mother. We are REALLY great together. But this obviously came as a major shock. I've always been fairly money conservative, and currently have a net value well over what she owes (and that's after my ex took most of my money LOL). I'm trying to look past this, but the math just doesn't add up -- even at 30 years, it's like $1700 per month just in loan payments. And we'd be in our 70's by then! arggh...
And right now I'm unemployed. Normally when I'm working I'm north of 200K, but the job market is obviously in the crapper right now (and I'm burning through my savings between alimony, child support and my own house payment). Crossing my fingers I'm back in the saddle in a couple months.
I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I think I just needed some place to vent. We have talked marriage, and I'd really love to marry this woman, but this scares the crap out of me (and I'm sick of paying for everyone elses crap). I guess they always say there's a catch (last year, my girlfriend of 4 months informed me she was trying to have a baby with frozen sperm -- I thought, maybe that should be the 2nd date conversation?). Sigh.
My friend...4 months...again? You need to slow it down and see how things are going after about a year, then continue the conversation about marriage.
Be cautious and keep your wallet tucked tightly in your front pocket.
K
This woman is either thick and naive or greedy and crafty. You sound quite naive yourself. Only stay with her if you dont mind continually bailing her out. As for the stuff about how it is only paying this and that. There is always another debt around the corner. I was in a relationship with a guy and I found out he was like this and he was terrific company, great at sex, good sense of humour, wonderful chemistry but I hadto end it because otherwise he would have bled me dry and I wouldnow be destitute. These people are irresponsible and very very selfish and immature.
Atleast when it is a guy looking after a woman he gets great sex in return, and it saves him money on casual sex. It gets a bit rich when it is a young woman bailing out an older man. Ive never heard of young women paying older men for sex.
You've known her 4 months and you want to get married? I'm only 24 years old and I know that's a horrible idea! I wouldn't marry someone without dating them for a minimum of 2 years! Wait for the honeymoon period to wear off, seriously...
Secondly, she is going to have a PhD in 2 years right? In what? A PhD in chemical engineering is loads more valuable than a PhD in English lit. That will greatly alter her earning potential.
I also agree with everyone else 100000x over. If you love her, date her. You have no business marrying her.
i missed this thread the first time around. i wonder what happened to ol' buzzsaw... im guessing he decided to move forward, and go face-first into buzzsaw.
if she's willing to fake bankruptcy, then she can fake love and marriage.
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( and yours later... )
Geez...
