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Yes, for a variety of subjects. I just feel like I am behind in life and have been living under a rock. I just don't many actor's names or movies for example so when the conversation goes in that direction, I really just have nothing to contribute.
When people talk about a movie you have no idea about, what about saying: "Okay, I need to stop living under a rock and get out more." Then you will probably need to stop living under a rock.
Ask questions about their lives. People love to talk about themselves.
So, you could have asked "wow, what was it like living in that country?"
Show a genuine interest, and people will like you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by indus
Put the focus on them and not you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
This.
I had a bit of a stuttering problem when I was young. So, I learned the trick of starting conversations in the way Dr. Earth described.
All people like to talk about themselves. Ask them a few questions about their favorite topic, and they'll think you're the best conversationalist in the world. And there's truth in that, because all good conversationalists are good listeners, too.
There you go, all excellent responses so don't go making excuses on that score. Think less of yourself and what you could contribute and more about the people you're conversing with in terms of asking them about themselves and their experiences.
There's not one person on this planet that doesn't have an impediment of some sort whether it be physical, psychological or sociological, real or imagined.
As far as being in social situations where people are gabbing on about things which you personally can't relate to, EVERYONE has been in that situation at one time or another.
When I was around your age I was married to a man whose business required attendance at private social cocktail parties hosted by his associates. We owned a horse farm at the time which was my thing and was a 24/7 job for me.
Nonetheless, being the dutiful wife, I would get dressed and go with him to these parties which, in all honesty were excruciatingly painful for me. The ladies all gabbed about their wonderful children and homes in true "upmanship" form, the drinks were flowing and the hors d'ouevres were exquisite but I had absolutely nothing in common with the clan. But through mingling and asking them questions about their wonderful children I successfully managed to get through a few hours of frou-frou chat. On the drive back home I'd kick off the heels, would have an aching jaw from so much smiling and, reaching point home, would change into grubbies to check the barn and make sure all the animals were OK for the night.
Just a mere example but, Caldus, you're your own worst enemy where this is concerned. Nobody has nothing to offer where social intercourse is concerned and your self-degradation is very sad.
Get over yourself and your impediment and do what millions of others with way more issues than you're dealing with have done. Be a people person, be interested in what others have to say and thus learn.
You've only got one life. At your age that seems finite but it's not. Anything could end yours tomorrow. Good luck and cheers!
There you go, all excellent responses so don't go making excuses on that score. Think less of yourself and what you could contribute and more about the people you're conversing with in terms of asking them about themselves and their experiences.
There's not one person on this planet that doesn't have an impediment of some sort whether it be physical, psychological or sociological, real or imagined.
As far as being in social situations where people are gabbing on about things which you personally can't relate to, EVERYONE has been in that situation at one time or another.
When I was around your age I was married to a man whose business required attendance at private social cocktail parties hosted by his associates. We owned a horse farm at the time which was my thing and was a 24/7 job for me.
Nonetheless, being the dutiful wife, I would get dressed and go with him to these parties which, in all honesty were excruciatingly painful for me. The ladies all gabbed about their wonderful children and homes in true "upmanship" form, the drinks were flowing and the hors d'ouevres were exquisite but I had absolutely nothing in common with the clan. But through mingling and asking them questions about their wonderful children I successfully managed to get through a few hours of frou-frou chat. On the drive back home I'd kick off the heels, would have an aching jaw from so much smiling and, reaching point home, would change into grubbies to check the barn and make sure all the animals were OK for the night.
Just a mere example but, Caldus, you're your own worst enemy where this is concerned. Nobody has nothing to offer where social intercourse is concerned and your self-degradation is very sad.
Get over yourself and your impediment and do what millions of others with way more issues than you're dealing with have done. Be a people person, be interested in what others have to say and thus learn.
You've only got one life. At your age that seems finite but it's not. Anything could end yours tomorrow. Good luck and cheers!
Thanks for the honest advice STT. Believe me, I understand everything you're saying. It's just an irrational fear in the end. Everything I have read about social anxiety disorder is so prevalent to my life. It's a very neglected disorder that's not recognized nearly as much as the other mental disorders. It's really about an irrational fear in the end. It's like a really bad habit like alcohol or smoking. You know it's stupid and needs to stop, but you're still finding yourself in its maze. I really do get into this "freeze-up" state when trying to talk to groups of people and it's frustrating.
I have the same problems when I'm around a bunch of yuppies and higher class groups. I just try to keep the conversation to something the group can all have something to say and not have it be awkward.
I think you just need more practice. social skills have to be built through repetition and habit. Try talking more in chatrooms, toastmaster as someone suggested, or try volunteering in something that requires you to be more social. I suggest also a therapist to address your social anxiety. Look for someone that specializes in cognitive therapy dont go to a psychiatrist (the MD type) bc you will just get pills which dont solve your problem.
The simplest and most effective advice is: become a good listener. People love to talk about themselves and when they have someone who shares their interests (or pretends to), and listens to them attentively, they instantly become more attractive.
Over the years, I've seen plenty of handsome men have no one because they were self-absorbed peacocks. The guys who listen actively generally have women all over them, no matter how they look.
I think you just need more practice. social skills have to be built through repetition and habit. Try talking more in chatrooms, toastmaster as someone suggested, or try volunteering in something that requires you to be more social. I suggest also a therapist to address your social anxiety. Look for someone that specializes in cognitive therapy dont go to a psychiatrist (the MD type) bc you will just get pills which dont solve your problem.
Yeah I'm going to see a therapist today for social anxiety. I really should have become more serious about this a long time ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61
The simplest and most effective advice is: become a good listener. People love to talk about themselves and when they have someone who shares their interests (or pretends to), and listens to them attentively, they instantly become more attractive.
Over the years, I've seen plenty of handsome men have no one because they were self-absorbed peacocks. The guys who listen actively generally have women all over them, no matter how they look.
I think that I am a good listener. It's just that I'm listening so much that no one ever notices me. You have to at least be able to chat it up a bit.
You don't need to worry at all about contributing to stories to make friends.
One-to-one conversations are always different than group conversations - maybe you aren't into groups too much and should just accept yourself - you don't have to be a group person if you prefer otherwise.
However if it will help you to make some casual friendships, all you need to know is that people love to talk about themselves and love to have someone ask questions about their lives - they don't necessarily want to know anything about the other person.
People who travel generally love the chance to talk about their travelling experience and actually prefer being able to talk about it with someone less travelled not more or equally travelled so your lack of travel won't mean anything.
The only thing - try to be sincere - ask real questions you might have of what it was like for them, what they thought about this or that. Ask them to bring pictures of their trip - try to kind of get into it, imagine what it was like for them.
They won't care then if you have never left the block you grew up on.
Same goes for anything - ask people for advice and seek out their knowledge on just about anything and you will find a kind of popularity. It doesn't mean you're a follower but anyone who is interested in others will seem interesting to those others.
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