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What? We haven't had NSA sex at all & I made it very clear that I did not want that. There's been no fooling around whatsoever until last night, no oral, anal, etc. Last night, we were making out & things got a little steamy & I let him touch me down there, my clothes were on except for my underwear & he was fully clothed. It wasn't that long either, I don't know what you're referring to? I DO have control, I just wanted to know what y'all thought about the "situation?"
Basically, you want to be respected and not used. If you feel this way, you are not ready to have sex with this guy.
If you feel bad about what happened last nite, stop fooling around with the man, and get to KNOW HIM BETTER.
Because obviously you do not trust this person. You are double guessing yourself.
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,028,976 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolVa1977
Basically, you want to be respected and not used. If you feel this way, you are not ready to have sex with this guy.
If you feel bad about what happened last nite, stop fooling around with the man, and get to KNOW HIM BETTER.
Because obviously you do not trust this person. You are double guessing yourself.
I do. I haven't had actual sex either & he knows this, I don't feel that bad...just a little uncertain, because I actually see potential with him & I don't want to have screwed up my chances...
What? We haven't had NSA sex at all & I made it very clear that I did not want that. There's been no fooling around whatsoever until last night, no oral, anal, etc. Last night, we were making out & things got a little steamy & I let him touch me down there, my clothes were on except for my underwear & he was fully clothed. It wasn't that long either, I don't know what you're referring to? I DO have control, I just wanted to know what y'all thought about the "situation?"
Okay, maybe we define *sex* differently. For some people, intercourse is the only thing that counts. Perhaps it would have been more accurate to say "NSA sexual touching" or "NSA sexual fondling." I guess in my eyes, there's not such a huge boundary between genital fondling and intercourse, not nearly so big as the chasm between just kissing and genital fondling.
But, in any case, it's important to understand that he may be assuming you two will gradually go a little further every night. After him fondling you down there, there aren't a lot of steps remaining. That's kind of crossing a big barrier. I think it's critical that you don't get sexual (past kissing) unless you're ready to do so and are okay with the state of the relationship (which you seem unclear on right now.) Unless and until you two have agreed on where you stand, everything you do is NSA in a way.
Well, this is key. You control whether some guy gets to feel you up. You're right, he may very well just want to feel you up for fun, without wanting the full relationship. The thing is, you don't sound like you have any control. It's all in whether he wants a relationship or not. That's not right. Also, you shouldn't give up your body in the hopes that he will want a relationship. If you want a relationship, you need to speak up and do it before you make any sort of plans for intimacy. If you are uncertain where you stand, do not take any steps towards sex unless you would be comfortable with NSA sex (which is basically what you've been doing so far.)
I agree with this post. As women, we have the power to take the relationship to the next level. Before I would have sex with him, it would have to be in a exclusive relationship with him. Since you all have been dating for 3 months, I think, if you have feelings for him to take it to the next level. I'd sit down and talk to him and tell him that.
But like Carol says, look at his actions not his words. Words mean nothing. He could tell you everything you want to hear so he can get in your pants. Does he treat you good? Does he take you out? Is he courteous to you? Have you meet his friends? Has he meet your friends? Have you talked about your goals or dreams to each other? Can you easily talk to him?
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1
I agree with this post. As women, we have the power to take the relationship to the next level. Before I would have sex with him, it would have to be in a exclusive relationship with him. Since you all have been dating for 3 months, I think, if you have feelings for him to take it to the next level. I'd sit down and talk to him and tell him that.
But like Carol says, look at his actions not his words. Words mean nothing. He could tell you everything you want to hear so he can get in your pants. Does he treat you good? Does he take you out? Is he courteous to you? Have you meet his friends? Has he meet your friends? Have you talked about your goals or dreams to each other? Can you easily talk to him?
Yes to most all of them. We've been really good friends for the most part. I'm just new at this.
I agree with this post. As women, we have the power to take the relationship to the next level. Before I would have sex with him, it would have to be in a exclusive relationship with him. Since you all have been dating for 3 months, I think, if you have feelings for him to take it to the next level. I'd sit down and talk to him and tell him that.
But like Carol says, look at his actions not his words. Words mean nothing. He could tell you everything you want to hear so he can get in your pants. Does he treat you good? Does he take you out? Is he courteous to you? Have you meet his friends? Has he meet your friends? Have you talked about your goals or dreams to each other? Can you easily talk to him?
Trust me, you do not want to have "the talk" with him at this point. men will easily tune you out, they do not communicate as women do. Plus, he can easily tell you he is the king of england, if he believes that will get him sex. Say nothing and withdraw a little. See if he comes after you.
It is not playing games, it is human nature. If he serious about you say nothing about the fact you might not want to have sex with him (you owe him nothing at this point) and stop for a little while.
Let him show you his true colors. Trust me, people will show you who they are, but not with words. Actions do speak louder than words. And as Maya Angelou said it "When people show you who they are, believe them".
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,028,976 times
Reputation: 2304
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolVa1977
Trust me, you do not want to have "the talk" with him at this point. men will easily tune you out, they do not communicate as women do. Plus, he can easily tell you he is the king of england, if he believes that will get him sex. Say nothing and withdraw a little. See if he comes after you.
It is not playing games, it is human nature. If he serious about you say nothing about the fact you might not want to have sex with him (you owe him nothing at this point) and stop for a little while.
Let him show you his true colors. Trust me, people will show you who they are, but not with words. Actions do speak louder than words. And as Maya Angelou said it "When people show you who they are, believe them".
You're right, it is what it is. I am definitely not going to pressure him either. I just hate that I'm in limbo now & I miss him right now a lot.
Trust me, you do not want to have "the talk" with him at this point. men will easily tune you out, they do not communicate as women do. Plus, he can easily tell you he is the king of england, if he believes that will get him sex. Say nothing and withdraw a little. See if he comes after you.
It is not playing games, it is human nature. If he serious about you say nothing about the fact you might not want to have sex with him (you owe him nothing at this point) and stop for a little while.
Let him show you his true colors. Trust me, people will show you who they are, but not with words. Actions do speak louder than words. And as Maya Angelou said it "When people show you who they are, believe them".
I don't agree and I'm not into playing games. I've always talked to all the men I've dated and watched how they treated me and situations around them. Also talked to them about their life and goals. Gave me an idea on what type of person they were. Of course I don't hold a talking marathon with them or a deep complex conversation with them either. Most of the time it's just casual talk.
I don't agree with the cat and mouse game but that's just me.
You're right, it is what it is. I am definitely not going to pressure him either. I just hate that I'm in limbo now & I miss him right now a lot.
Get busy doing other things and do not worry about it.
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