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Damn, Rakin, this news made me very sad... Your marriage sounded so happy, both of you look almost like newlyweds on your pictures (it's obvious you both keep in shape, dress well, and try to stay attractive to each other), and I always thought it was of those that would last till the end! It gave me hope... If you guys can't make it, what can the rest of us hope for?!
That's been the consensus of many of our close personal friends also. They are pretty much stunned by the news. We were the couple everyone wanted to grow up and be.
I'm doing everything possible to keep the door open for her. I'm hoping once we separate and I'm not there on a daily basis she'll reconsider. We have 2 grown boys & a new grand daughter. I'm hoping we can continue some type of very good relationship.
I've never seen things black & white, there's a lot of room in between and hopefully we'll find a nice place. Many of the people who come on CD with problems have such strict rules on the way life should be, there are a lot of variations of normal that can work. If that makes sense.
I'm hoping once we separate and I'm not there on a daily basis she'll reconsider.
That's very possible!
Quote:
there are a lot of variations of normal that can work
Speaking of that... I didn't mean to pry, but it bugs me... Everybody here knows you're a big proponent of "alternative" lifestyles. Is she also? Does that have anything to do with it?
I'm really sorry to hear this Brother Rakin. Be gentle with yourself.
My first wife & i split up after 10 years. She fought depression. Finally her docs figured out she had thyroid & other problems. She has been married twice more, & is now alone again.
Hi guys, got some sucky news to share and this is the 1st time I've said it in public. Looks like my 30+ year marriage is hitting the rocks. We are separating soon and in the process of splitting all the stuff.
Hopefully soon we'll both be able to start healing and starting a new life. No need for a thread asking what to do, I believe we can handle crisis with out the mess (I hope).
Just hope I can have the wisdom to do the right things.
I'm really sorry to hear this Brother Rakin. Be gentle with yourself.
My first wife & i split up after 10 years. She fought depression. Finally her docs figured out she had thyroid & other problems. She has been married twice more, & is now alone again.
Take Care, Bro.
That about sounds like my first marriage. I am so glad that horror is over.
Speaking of that... I didn't mean to pry, but it bugs me... Everybody here knows you're a big proponent of "alternative" lifestyles. Is she also? Does that have anything to do with it?
That really had nothing to do with it. When we 1st discovered the LS, there was a couple who actually wrote books on the subject. One of their sayings was "It magnifies a relationship by making a good one great and a bad one worse". I am not a proponent of it for everyone.
We fit in that 1st category for many (many) years. Once the relationship started tipping it may have been a minuscule factor (but IMO no). the problems lie outside the lifestyle. Matter of fact all the happiness you see in those pics was due to it.
As you know there are many that come here (and many you may not know) that have some variations. Those that are secure and happy, it truly does magnify.
My problem was as I said, stupid guy stuff & not paying attention to the issues.
She had a verbally abusive mother and it has been a battle over the last 10 years to control the depression. The smallest thing said or done is taken out of context (I now understand, the Dr calls it Ultra-sensitive). I guess as women hit their mid-40s and all the changes these things can surface.
There again it wasn't all her but much of my neglect or things said. It just gets amplified by the depression. I believe her Meds are sufficient now and that's why when she says it's over, I still have hope.
The tough part is to get her better, I can see that maybe the best thing is to remove the stress which unfortunately includes me. When you really love someone you want whats best for them.
Besides, I can now be a player and increase the women coming on here with their problems
I guess you could rightly "retire" from marriage. Can you redefine your marriage to better accommodate new issues as they come up?
That's been the consensus of many of our close personal friends also. They are pretty much stunned by the news. We were the couple everyone wanted to grow up and be.
I'm doing everything possible to keep the door open for her. I'm hoping once we separate and I'm not there on a daily basis she'll reconsider. We have 2 grown boys & a new grand daughter. I'm hoping we can continue some type of very good relationship.
I've never seen things black & white, there's a lot of room in between and hopefully we'll find a nice place. Many of the people who come on CD with problems have such strict rules on the way life should be, there are a lot of variations of normal that can work. If that makes sense.
Seriously Rakin, if it would help, send her over here for some of us ladies to talk with her.
I would be very happy to do that, as I know others here would be.
Seriously Rakin, if it would help, send her over here for some of us ladies to talk with her.
I would be very happy to do that, as I know others here would be.
She better come and read here and see what the dating cess... I mean pool consists of!
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Your marriage sounded so happy, both of you look almost like newlyweds on your pictures (it's obvious you both keep in shape, dress well, and try to stay attractive to each other), and I always thought it was of those that would last till the end! It gave me hope... If you guys can't make it, what can the rest of us hope for?!
