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Old 03-01-2011, 11:34 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,468,448 times
Reputation: 6670

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So if somebody "winks", emails you a note, communicates a bit, or otherwise expresses "interest" online, what happens if you're "not interested"? Is it better to drop a note and politely say "no thanks", etc. or should you just ignore them?

I'm thinking particularly of instances where maybe you've both had at least a couple email exchanges or even a phone call, but it soon becomes apparent that you're not a good "fit". Now maybe it's different when women say "no" to men, but I'm surprised at how many gals don't seem to be able to accept a polite "sorry we didn't work out, but best of luck in your search". And after receiving a few cranky replies, enumerating my (many) faults, and that I was basically doing them a "favor", etc. by ending things, frankly it's difficult not to consider the option of doing nothing and simply letting things "drift off"!

So what's the consensus out there these days in "Online Dating Land" re: saying "thanks, but no thanks"....?
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Old 03-01-2011, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Morristown, TN
98 posts, read 189,351 times
Reputation: 117
I usually just drop it unless there was extensive amounts of conversation. Then I take it to the friend-zone as politely as I know how to do.

If you tell girls "sorry, we're not a match", many girls can't stand rejection so of course they will have a great many comebacks. So right there you have confrontation.

If you just let it go and drift away on it's own, you could possibly get the psycho who constantly sends you messages even when you never reply. At the same time, some girls will just let it go as well. I feel there is less confrontation this way.

I recently learned the hard way that guys are like this as well. Recently I had to block a number from texting or calling me, block someone on facebook after I deleted him and he proceeded to send me 2 requests back, block someone on yahoo messenger, then from the dating site we met on(he had deleted it after only talking to me for a day but remade it when I stopped talking to him). All of these blocks were for ONE guy in the same day. *shrugs* you live and you learn.
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:07 PM
 
3,409 posts, read 4,648,390 times
Reputation: 1431
Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
So if somebody "winks", emails you a note, communicates a bit, or otherwise expresses "interest" online, what happens if you're "not interested"? Is it better to drop a note and politely say "no thanks", etc. or should you just ignore them?

I'm thinking particularly of instances where maybe you've both had at least a couple email exchanges or even a phone call, but it soon becomes apparent that you're not a good "fit". Now maybe it's different when women say "no" to men, but I'm surprised at how many gals don't seem to be able to accept a polite "sorry we didn't work out, but best of luck in your search". And after receiving a few cranky replies, enumerating my (many) faults, and that I was basically doing them a "favor", etc. by ending things, frankly it's difficult not to consider the option of doing nothing and simply letting things "drift off"!

So what's the consensus out there these days in "Online Dating Land" re: saying "thanks, but no thanks"....?
If I like ya.... you will DEFIANTLY know it. If I don't.... you will DEFIANTLY know it. I am not good at hiding "how" I feel about someone. I get that from my Gramps. You know.... like the guy who would run into your burning barn to try to save it? Or the guy who sees you stranded with a flat and drives on praying for you?
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:16 PM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,468,448 times
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Although if I'm "not interested" (in the gal), actually I'm also kinda OK with the "drivin' on and just praying" for me part (which Lord knows, I could probably use anyhow)...!
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:36 PM
 
1,561 posts, read 2,206,676 times
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Dear Ms. Online dating Prospect:

We are sorry to inform you after careful consideration that we have decided to select a different candidate. Although your profile is impressive, it does not fit our needs at this time. We will keep your information on file and if we get lonely after a night of drinking and other debauchery, we may contact you.

Thank you for your interest in our person.
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:38 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,167,319 times
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In all the emails I sent out, I always felt better and thanked each girl who at least responded to me saying they weren't interested. I wished them good luck and thanked them for writing back. I also tell them I wish more women were as courteous as they are.

Whenever I receive an email from a girl I'm not interested in, I thank them for taking the time to write me and I tell them I just don't think we're a good fit. I've never gotten a negative response...
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:42 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX, USA
5,142 posts, read 13,133,254 times
Reputation: 2515
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
In all the emails I sent out, I always felt better and thanked each girl who at least responded to me saying they weren't interested. I wished them good luck and thanked them for writing back. I also tell them I wish more women were as courteous as they are.

Whenever I receive an email from a girl I'm not interested in, I thank them for taking the time to write me and I tell them I just don't think we're a good fit. I've never gotten a negative response...
Same here! And I'm a girl! I would rather feel a little hurt in getting the email but better than not knowing where things stand.
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,652,355 times
Reputation: 3784
I can give you my POV from when I used to do online dating.. if a guy contacted me and I wasn't interested, I just let him know immediately in a tactful way. Some men take it okay and others get totally hurt feelings and really act like an arse. It's that behavior that confirmed I didn't have a good feeling anyway LOL
It's better to just let someone know early on. Why drag it out or let them "wonder" if you're interested or not, ya know?
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Old 03-01-2011, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,480,856 times
Reputation: 10809
If someone writes to me, I'll always reply, even if it's only to say thanks but I'm not interested. If we've had no other contact, I'll usually ignore winks and similar low-level indications unless I am actually interested, in which case I'll write a brief note to see if they're interested enough to respond.
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Old 03-01-2011, 01:34 PM
 
Location: West Cobb County, GA (Atlanta metro)
9,191 posts, read 33,908,502 times
Reputation: 5311
Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
So if somebody "winks", emails you a note, communicates a bit, or otherwise expresses "interest" online, what happens if you're "not interested"? Is it better to drop a note and politely say "no thanks", etc. or should you just ignore them?
Well, if you were in a public setting and someone came up to you and said hello, that you weren't interested in talking to, ask this: Would you listen to their "hello", then just turn around and walk away without saying a word to them?

Thought not (hopefully).

Lesson: One of the reasons so many of us complain about "how people are getting these days" is because folks are getting to comfortable ignoring people, or flat-out being rude to people online, since it's "safe" to do so. The problem is, the more you do it, the more you do it some more, and more, and eventually it will shape the way you interact with people face-to-face, too.

Remember that old Golden rule that were all were supposed to have been taught as children by our parents? "Treat others as you wish to be treated". Maybe we need a modern day adaptation of this golden rule to teach ourselves (and our kids): "Treat others online as you would like to be treated face-to-face".

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