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However, you were naive to think that men would just be "as friends" with you... especially if they're too old. What can a 35 year old man talk about with a 22 year old woman? It might work if he's 24, but the difference between a 35 year old and a 22 year old is almost the difference between an entire generation.
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Originally Posted by noexcuseforignorance
Sorry, but that's a lot of garbage. None of us would be here if it weren't for older men marrying younger women. This idea that people have to date their own age is by and large a new thing in terms of humanity.
You met someone and you weren't compatible in being friends. Given the number of people everyone meets compared with the number of friends they have this is pretty normal.
I think there's some truth on both sides. Some May/December relationships work out fine. There are some people who form a friendship with a considerably younger person, sometimes of the opposite sex. However, I think it's pretty unusual for a 35 year old man to pursue a 22 year old woman purely for the basis of friendship. Not that it couldn't happen, just that I don't think it usually does. Young 20's just-legal women are often exactly the desired romantic target of men in the 20-40's age range and while I sympathize that the OP just wanted a business mentor, I think that when she was asked out to dinner alone with this man after they hit it off talking in the park, her acceptance could have easily been misconstrued as agreeing to a date.
Can those two groups have enough in common for a true friendship of equals? Possibly, in limited cases. Not saying it can't happen, but I think if we speak in general terms, someone in their mid-30's has a lot more life experience than someone in their early 20's. Would she really be interesting to him in any way other than as a potential pretty thing? She hasn't even graduated college yet and he has done that and been out in the workforce for 10+ years. She said herself that she was hoping for more of a "mentor" type... which to me isn't the same as an equal.
In any case, sounds like a lesson to be learned and she thinks twice next time.
He was looking for a "goddess". LOL. Actually he was a liar who thought you were stupid. It really ticked him off that you were not.
Something I learned was that if I were to seek a friend/mentor/older experienced person to advise me in business, it must be another woman. Never ever expect a guy to want to help you with your career, no strings attached.
I went out with him because our talk at the dog park was sooo inspiring. He asked me what I do, I said "I'm in school, but my goal is to open my own doggy day care/grooming" and he said he had his own business, so we were talking about small biz and it was interesting. We talked about dogs, Miami, etc.
Is this the guy you were gushing about on another forum who was interested in investing $30,000 in your business?
He was looking for a "goddess". LOL. Actually he was a liar who thought you were stupid. It really ticked him off that you were not.
Something I learned was that if I were to seek a friend/mentor/older experienced person to advise me in business, it must be another woman. Never ever expect a guy to want to help you with your career, no strings attached.
Thanks^^ That sounds like a MUCH better idea. I want to thank everyone for all of the responses.
I don't think its weird for a 22 year old to become friends with a 35 year old. Most 22 year olds who graduated from highschool, went straight to college and have maybe had one job waiting tables is nothing like me.
I was on my own, paying bills and working two jobs in my own downtown Boston apartment at the age of 17. By 18 I was a full-time cocktail waitress at a beach resort in Miami (fun, fun fun, but very little money in the summer)
By 19, I was a bartender in South Beach, by 20 I was self-employed, and by 21 I went back to college. I may not have 10+ years work force experience, but I'm not your avg 22 year old.
I was very close friends with a woman in my building who was 39, but ever since she started dating a man who is in his 50s, I have not seen much of her.
Also, when I first moved here, a nurse in her 30s kept inviting me out like she wanted to be friends with me, but I was too imtimidated since I was 19 and I never went out with her 19 year olds are dumb.
I guess it is different when its an older man. Its too bad because I'm not attracted to guys anywhere near my age, I tend to be attracted to men who seem to be 27-28.
Is this the guy you were gushing about on another forum who was interested in investing $30,000 in your business?
Yes.
But what I have gained from this, is I'm conidering my business as being a good idea. The only person I ever talk to about this is my mom, and I value her input but she just gets mad at me and says "finish your degree first".
My mom is really bad at finances and business, so I need second opinions, but thats a totally different thread. She just is, I have seen her hit rock bottom many times working at "good 9-5 jobs" and mismanage $$. By the time I was 14, I was worried about my mother's money management.
By the time I was 18, I discovered my college $$ that dad left me before he passed away was spent at bloomingdales.
I don't see myself ever using my accounting degree. Its a practical degree but I already have realised I don't like working for others. I can open my own firm, but I don't want to crunch rich people's numbers all day.
The only accounting I want to be able to do is my doggy daycare/grooming/spa's accounting.
Thanks^^ That sounds like a MUCH better idea. I want to thank everyone for all of the responses. I don't think its weird for a 22 year old to become friends with a 35 year old. Most 22 year olds who graduated from highschool, went straight to college and have maybe had one job waiting tables is nothing like me. I was on my own, paying bills and working two jobs in my own downtown Boston apartment at the age of 17. By 18 I was a full-time cocktail waitress at a beach resort in Miami (fun, fun fun, but very little money in the summer)
By 19, I was a bartender in South Beach, by 20 I was self-employed, and by 21 I went back to college. I may not have 10+ years work force experience, but I'm not your avg 22 year old. Also, when I first moved here, a nurse in her 30s kept inviting me out like she wanted to be friends with me, but I was too imtimidated since I was 19 and I never went out with her 19 year olds are dumb. I guess it is different when its an older man. Its too bad because I'm not attracted to guys anywhere near my age, I tend to be attracted to men who seem to be 27-28. I was in no way attracted to that guy from my OP!
But I think that when you agreed to a solo dinner with him, it gave a pretty strong hint that you were, or at least that's how I (and others) seem to have interpreted it. That part of your post comes off the tiniest bit naive to me... that you didn't understand that when a woman accepts an invitation of that sort, it suggests the possibility of further interest in the man. Please know that I don't mean that as an insult, it just suggests that although in some ways you feel wiser than your years (as most of us do !), in fact often we are not. That's not a bad thing, just a truth, that you can't rush true maturity. One thing I would gently advise you to consider, is that most people, at age 22, think they are mature. We are certain that because of our life experiences (whatever they were), we are smarter than your "average" person our age, more savvy, better able to handle ourselves, and somehow just different. Are you more mature than you were at 18? Sure, probably so. But you are nowhere near to the same maturity level you will be at 35, and I think that's what people are getting at.
I think this experience demonstrates that perhaps, you are in fact, your age. That's not a bad thing, and no one should look down on you for what you are, nor does it mean you can't be friends with people who are older than you, or date someone who is older than you. But I think it's a common experience to feel you are a full adult at 20ish, and only once you pass 30, do you realize how much maturing and changing you still had left to do.
Incidentally, I wouldn't drop out of college. Your mom is smart about that one (there's experience talking--perhaps experience gained through having made her own mistakes.) You may not see yourself using that accounting degree, and you may not wind up using it. But in this economy, having a degree can be gold, and if your doggy grooming/daycare thing doesn't take off right away, you can have a way to support yourself while you work on making it happen. And that's a very real possibility. With all the luxuries we're all having to cut back on recently, doggie daycare may be an early one to go unless you have lots of disposable income. You would be wise to finish that accounting degree and have more choices once you're out in the work force. You may not want to work as an accountant forever, but let's face it, a lot of us deal with temporary periods of working jobs we're not wild about while taking further steps to accomplish our ultimate goals. That's part of being an adult.
But I think that when you agreed to a solo dinner with him, it gave a pretty strong hint that you were, or at least that's how I (and others) seem to have interpreted it. That part of your post comes off the tiniest bit naive to me... that you didn't understand that when a woman accepts an invitation of that sort, it suggests the possibility of further interest in the man. Please know that I don't mean that as an insult, it just suggests that although in some ways you feel wiser than your years (as most of us do !), in fact often we are not. That's not a bad thing, just a truth, that you can't rush true maturity. One thing I would gently advise you to consider, is that most people, at age 22, think they are mature. We are certain that because of our life experiences (whatever they were), we are smarter than your "average" person our age, more savvy, better able to handle ourselves, and somehow just different. Are you more mature than you were at 18? Sure, probably so. But you are nowhere near to the same maturity level you will be at 35, and I think that's what people are getting at.
I think this experience demonstrates that perhaps, you are in fact, your age. That's not a bad thing, and no one should look down on you for what you are, nor does it mean you can't be friends with people who are older than you, or date someone who is older than you. But I think it's a common experience to feel you are a full adult at 20ish, and only once you pass 30, do you realize how much maturing and changing you still had left to do.
Incidentally, I wouldn't drop out of college. Your mom is smart about that one (there's experience talking--perhaps experience gained through having made her own mistakes.) You may not see yourself using that accounting degree, and you may not wind up using it. But in this economy, having a degree can be gold, and if your doggy grooming/daycare thing doesn't take off right away, you can have a way to support yourself while you work on making it happen. And that's a very real possibility. With all the luxuries we're all having to cut back on recently, doggie daycare may be an early one to go unless you have lots of disposable income. You would be wise to finish that accounting degree and have more choices once you're out in the work force. You may not want to work as an accountant forever, but let's face it, a lot of us deal with temporary periods of working jobs we're not wild about while taking further steps to accomplish our ultimate goals. That's part of being an adult.
So you are saying its wise for me to incur more debt by finishing college and gaining a degree I have no desire for? Who says I haven't been working in places I didn't like to get to my ultimate goals. I found your post to be quite helpful and informative until I got to the very end, and your patronizing tone discredited everything you said.
Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm a lesser person than a person in their 30s. If anything, I know how to manage my finances way better than a lot of "real adults".
I have researched how the economy will effect my business, thank you very much. The trend is showing that there is a growing gap between the middle/lower income folks and the higher ones and it will be this way for a while.
Also, the rich are still spending money as companies like abercrombie and fitch are doing well and other companies that cater to lower income individuals are not doing well.
The way I see it, the more frivolous and upscale something is the better it will do. I'm planning on opening up shop in my hometown in Massachusetts where the median family income is $120,933.
Perhaps you don't know much about this type of business. Most people with money love to spoil their pets. Many people will continue to go out of town and need somewhere safe to leave their pets.
Maybe I'm just lucky because I have ended up in a seemingly reccesion proof part of Miami and my hometown is also seemingly reccession proof, it being the second most educated town in America. I'm truely blessed.
So you are saying its wise for me to incur more debt by finishing college and gaining a degree I have no desire for? Who says I haven't been working in places I didn't like to get to my ultimate goals. I found your post to be quite helpful and informative until I got to the very end, and your patronizing tone discredited everything you said.
Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm a lesser person than a person in their 30s. If anything, I know how to manage my finances way better than a lot of "real adults".
I have researched how the economy will effect my business, thank you very much. The trend is showing that there is a growing gap between the middle/lower income folks and the higher ones and it will be this way for a while. Also, the rich are still spending money as companies like abercrombie and fitch are doing well and other companies that cater to lower income individuals are not doing well.
The way I see it, the more frivolous and upscale something is the better it will do. I'm planning on opening up shop in my hometown in Massachusetts where the median family income is $120,933.
Perhaps you don't know much about this type of business. Most people with money love to spoil their pets. Many people will continue to go out of town and need somewhere safe to leave their pets.
Maybe I'm just lucky because I have ended up in a seemingly reccesion proof part of Miami and my hometown is also seemingly reccession proof, it being the second most educated town in America. I'm truely blessed.
Here's what I said: "You may not want to work as an accountant forever, but let's face it, a lot of us deal with temporary periods of working jobs we're not wild about while taking further steps to accomplish our ultimate goals. That's part of being an adult."
I am sorry that statement offended you. Truly, I did not mean to insult you, merely to speak a truth. There are millions of people working jobs they aren't particularly fond of right now because it's what they must do to support themselves and their family. Or they are working jobs they aren't particularly fond of because those jobs provide the means to get to the jobs they ultimately want.
No one has said anything about being young making someone into a "lesser person." That's all coming from you. My point is that while you consider yourself mature at 22, you will likely find that at 35, you consider yourself even more mature (with 13 extra years to gain life experience.) This 35 year old man is likely more mature than he was at 22. Whether you're more mature at 22 than he is at 35, or his equal? That remains to be seen. None of us know you and it's hard for you to have an unbiased opinion when judging yourself. I know my fair number of people who have a similar background to yours, and I can't say they're any better/worse off than average. In fact, they seem to fall along the maturity spectrum about the same as those 22 year olds who have only worked a waitress job that you seem to feel aren't your equals.
Yes, some people love to spoil their pets. It's absolutely true. But if gas gets horribly expensive, costs go up for everything, and something has to be cut, will it be private school for their kids, or daycare for the dog? If the economy continues to do poorly, will you ultimately be able to stay afloat in that expensive town in MA? I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea to finish that accounting degree and also minor in business on the side, or at least take some classes in it? That might help you in the long run.
Is it better to stay in school and finish your degree? Depends on a few factors. How many years do you have left? Does accounting pay well enough that you could pay off those loans in a reasonable amount of time? Does accounting pay well enough so that you could save money to ultimately open the business you want at age 30, rather than relying on older Israeli men who only want to get in your pants to make false promises of investing in you while they try to lure you into their bed? Would accounting give you more stability in terms of health care, living in a nice place, etc? The answer isn't one size fits all. If you would never be happy doing it, don't do it. But understand that your mother's position that it might be smarter to finish your degree (that you've already started) makes sense from a lot of angles that you may not have considered. While you might look down on her for her mistakes (and it sounds like she's made her fair share), perhaps she's trying to help keep you from making them too.
I'm like you, only much older. I enjoy people and conversation and sharing a meal and really do believe every friend starts out as a stranger so sometimes you have to just take a shot. I've ended up in some weird situations but have learned to keep myself safe by trusting my instincts.
You really can't go wrong with a good glass of Riesling though . And, believe it or not, I spend a lot of time with my mom too!
Well first, I at 44, if you seemed interested even though you are 22 I wouldn't hold back saying "my age blah blah blah so no"..... pfhttt that!!!!!!
A second, the guy didn't just want to be friends more than likely. He thought probably that he could whoo you slowly.
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19 year olds are dumb.
Yes.
!), in fact often we are not. That's not a bad thing, just a truth, that you can't rush true maturity. One thing I would gently advise you to consider, is that most people, at age 22, think they are mature. We are certain that because of our life experiences (whatever they were), we are smarter than your "average" person our age, more savvy, better able to handle ourselves, and somehow just different. Are you more mature than you were at 18? Sure, probably so. But you are nowhere near to the same maturity level you will be at 35, and I think that's what people are getting at. 
. And, believe it or not, I spend a lot of time with my mom too!
