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Old 04-29-2011, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Bayou City
3,084 posts, read 5,235,688 times
Reputation: 2640

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
I think when you stop starting, you will look finding.
Everyone knows you don't find the right look until you start stopping.
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Old 04-29-2011, 02:56 PM
 
Location: USA
30,995 posts, read 22,045,160 times
Reputation: 19059
You said you don't go out on many dates. Is it because you don't want to or your not getting asked out?

It's easy if your looking to casually date, because you can go out knowing your not looking for anything serious and you can be more relaxed. Plus its a lot easier as a woman to ask a guy out as a friend, even if there is an attraction. I do that all the time. It's more plutonic. Just let the guy know what your expectation are. And if romance grows out of it fine!
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Old 04-29-2011, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,789,929 times
Reputation: 6561
Wow, I really can empathize with this. I also want to date, but hate dating. I have friends dragging me out of the house because I don't feel like doing anything since my divorce. Yet I really want a woman in my life and ultimately to be married again. Of course, our lives are completely different as you're in college and will likely date for a few more years before thinking of getting married.

Anyway, like others said, lists don't really help. I know from experience. Just see who you meet when you're out, and don't eliminate them too quickly (as I've been advised myself). Its easier for an attractive women who has it together to meet men. They will approach you if you seem fun and down to earth. My $.02.
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Old 04-29-2011, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,134,698 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I also want to date
You don't want to date. You want a relationship/marriage. Dating is only the annoying path to it you'd rather bypass. Same here.
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Old 04-29-2011, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,789,929 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
You don't want to date. You want a relationship/marriage. Dating is only the annoying path to it you'd rather bypass. Same here.
You got me, Sierra.
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Old 05-02-2011, 10:36 AM
 
2,444 posts, read 3,582,256 times
Reputation: 3133
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedCollegeGirl89 View Post
It's been almost 9 months since I was in a relationship. I would love to get on the dating scene, but I haven't met anyone who I would be interested in dating casually...or met anyone for that matter. After my last relationship, I don't really want to get into a serious relationship...too "draining." If fact, I've never been the kind of person to go out on many dates, just go one maybe a few "dates" with a guy and then get into a serious relationship with them. Between, classes, homework, volunteer work, and working at the computer lab, it's been the same old, same old every week. I cannot find or meet anyone that is on my wavelength. A lot of these guys here at my college don't have the things that I look for in a guy.

What is a young lady to do? How can I effectively change my dating course?
Of the advice I have to give most have been said by others already, but get rid of your glasses and get lenses, your glasses, especially with the big rims hide your beautiful eyes
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Old 05-02-2011, 11:41 AM
 
Location: US
5,139 posts, read 12,708,086 times
Reputation: 5385
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedCollegeGirl89 View Post
It's been almost 9 months since I was in a relationship. I would love to get on the dating scene, but I haven't met anyone who I would be interested in dating casually...or met anyone for that matter. After my last relationship, I don't really want to get into a serious relationship...too "draining." If fact, I've never been the kind of person to go out on many dates, just go one maybe a few "dates" with a guy and then get into a serious relationship with them. Between, classes, homework, volunteer work, and working at the computer lab, it's been the same old, same old every week. I cannot find or meet anyone that is on my wavelength. A lot of these guys here at my college don't have the things that I look for in a guy.

What is a young lady to do? How can I effectively change my dating course?
A relationship should not be draining when its healthy. Stop running from what you want by saying it could be what yesterday was. I think you need to change yourself and relax. What your ex was is NOT going to be what your future guy is. When you are in depressed defensive mode everyone you run into is just going to be blah. Since you have up your emotional defenses, they are going to mirror that and it prevents a connection on your current dates. No one is going to open up to someone who just wants to keep it casual. Imagine some guy said that to you too. Would you not be a little insulted that they wrote you off as casual before they even really know you?

Don't you have any social activities that don't involve having to be with a date? If not, you may want to look into it. And no one says you have to date a person that is in your same school either.
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Old 05-02-2011, 01:10 PM
 
Location: USA
30,995 posts, read 22,045,160 times
Reputation: 19059
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
Of the advice I have to give most have been said by others already, but get rid of your glasses and get lenses, your glasses, especially with the big rims hide your beautiful eyes
Yep. The OP has some very attractive features including her eyes and is a "Mild make over" away from being "ok" to being Very pretty.
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Old 05-02-2011, 06:48 PM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,449,299 times
Reputation: 5141
Quote:
Originally Posted by suedonym View Post
i think when you stop looking, you will start finding...
Quote:
Originally Posted by WaltHowe View Post
I think when you stop finding, you will start looking
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
I think when you stop starting, you will look finding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes View Post
Everyone knows you don't find the right look until you start stopping.
I think when you find yourself stopped, you will look startled.
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Old 05-03-2011, 10:50 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,163 posts, read 1,994,817 times
Reputation: 1002
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
You said you don't go out on many dates. Is it because you don't want to or your not getting asked out?

It's easy if your looking to casually date, because you can go out knowing your not looking for anything serious and you can be more relaxed. Plus its a lot easier as a woman to ask a guy out as a friend, even if there is an attraction. I do that all the time. It's more plutonic. Just let the guy know what your expectation are. And if romance grows out of it fine!
To be truthful, I haven't been asked out in a very long time. (You got me!!!) One of my apartment mates' friends last summer asked me out, but I wasn't interested in him. A "friend" of one of my (male) friends was interested in me during this semester, but my friend and his gf basically told me with very good reason to not even pursue it with the guy. Someone very needy and moochy is NOT what I need!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Wow, I really can empathize with this. I also want to date, but hate dating. I have friends dragging me out of the house because I don't feel like doing anything since my divorce. Yet I really want a woman in my life and ultimately to be married again. Of course, our lives are completely different as you're in college and will likely date for a few more years before thinking of getting married.

Anyway, like others said, lists don't really help. I know from experience. Just see who you meet when you're out, and don't eliminate them too quickly (as I've been advised myself). Its easier for an attractive women who has it together to meet men. They will approach you if you seem fun and down to earth. My $.02.
This is true. My "list" seems to always go out the window when I get into a new relationship. It helps me gather my thoughts on what I like and don't like though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
Of the advice I have to give most have been said by others already, but get rid of your glasses and get lenses, your glasses, especially with the big rims hide your beautiful eyes
Thank you. I did wear contact lenses three years ago, but stopped b/c I barely used them. I might start using contacts again...if I can afford them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia View Post
A relationship should not be draining when its healthy. Stop running from what you want by saying it could be what yesterday was. I think you need to change yourself and relax. What your ex was is NOT going to be what your future guy is. When you are in depressed defensive mode everyone you run into is just going to be blah. Since you have up your emotional defenses, they are going to mirror that and it prevents a connection on your current dates. No one is going to open up to someone who just wants to keep it casual. Imagine some guy said that to you too. Would you not be a little insulted that they wrote you off as casual before they even really know you?

Don't you have any social activities that don't involve having to be with a date? If not, you may want to look into it. And no one says you have to date a person that is in your same school either.
That was actually one of the things I feared most: that others would see the emotional wall that I've been putting up for a long time now and would not want to get to know me further. I am trying to relax, but it also doesn't help that I'm also going through the career job application process that has me stressing out enough as it is. I feel that things will be much better for me mentally once I am back home with my friends and family.

I do have social activities that don't involve dating. It's called work and volunteering. The former b/c I need money to cover my expenses, the latter b/c it was a part of a course I took this semester and I like getting involved with things. Dating someone from the same school would be easier; I hate having long-distance relationships. But that really doesn't matter much now since I am graduating college.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
Yep. The OP has some very attractive features including her eyes and is a "Mild make over" away from being "ok" to being Very pretty.
What would you suggest? lol. You can tell me, I'm a big girl!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
I think when you find yourself stopped, you will look startled.
I'm confused. Will I be "startled" once i have "stopped" b/c I wasted my time looking?

...

I've done a lot of thinking lately....and I'm thinking about playing for keeps this time. I realized that constantly casually dating one person after another wouldn't be my thing. It would seem like a waste of time to me. I wouldn't mind dating one person in particular for a long while, just not many. I always wanted to be like one of those women who are constantly going out with new dates all the time, but that just isn't me and I'm okay with that. With that aside, I'm more focused right now on graduating and getting a good job that allows me to move out of my parents' house; this is my number one goal for the time being. I really want to move and be on my own!!!!

Thank you everyone for all of your advice!
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