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Does anyone think that being on your own too young makes it difficult to enter a long term relationship/marriage? Im 35 and have been on my own 16 years.(Not by choice though) As I have had carte blanche in my activities personally, i found that It put me in this gear to where I am so used to not having any responsibilities to someone that I cant connect.
I have been in some relationships, long term even but truthfully i am starting to realize that i did not give the 100% commitment and sharing that I should. My last relationship was short term and ended because I made little effort to even see her. Went according to my schedule, And it was not fair. I have never mistreated any woman, and am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot. i think I missed what could have been a great thing with someone in particular.
I work a standard 40 hour week, but I spend all my time with friends, social activities, culture (Museums etc) and other recreation. I am not a "Lone wolf" per se as I have company a lot of the time. My job requires social skills as well. now I have had plenty of good times, but as i get older I am feeling a strain.
What is it about your current social network that doesn't allow you to feel more "comfortable" with women?
Do any short term relationships available in your current social network not fulfill you sufficiently to keep pursuing your current goals?
Would you consider "practicing" with short term relationships, even if they involve money to spend some quality time with women?
Are you questioning your current change in priorities?
I have not been putting in much effort to establish relationships with women either, but each person's circumstances are different.
What if it really is a "numbers game"? Or, would you consider modifying your current social skills to attempt to discover women that may be more compatible with your current attitude?
I am so used to not having any responsibilities to someone that I cant connect...
Truthfully i am starting to realize that i did not give the 100% commitment and sharing that I should. My last relationship was short term and ended because I made little effort to even see her. Went according to my schedule, And it was not fair. I ... am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot. i think I missed what could have been a great thing with someone in particular.
I spend all my time with friends, social activities, culture (Museums etc) and other recreation. I am not a "Lone wolf" per se as I have company a lot of the time.
What's the problem?
You already know where you need improvement.
If you're ready for a relationship, with your next opportunity to have a girlfriend, make time for one.
Why does "single too long = lifelong singlehood"?
You already outlined where you need to change the next time. Put it into practice.
Yes, I've feel this way. I'm in my late 30's and I've found that the older you get the less you want to compromise. Obviously this isn't a good quality to have in a relationship. However, as corny as this may sound you will meet someone and you will want to try. It won't be easy but you'll do it. You'll realize that the things you treasure right now ( no responsibilities to anyone, time to yourself and overall just doing what you want to do), will not be the same. They will seem empty without that person and then you'll know that's the one. But it will take some time and maturity to get there.
I find that I don't want to compromise about certain things, but they usually don't have anything to do with an actual relationship; but about potential relationships with women. In my case, I think I simply need more practice with modern forms of relating and relationships.
I have identified what need Lucky said. But change is a struggle esp when it comes to the grey matter. I don't think people change but rather evolve. Behavior/attitudes need to shift..I am questioning my priorities at this point in regards to settling down, My social skills are fine, It's just wanting to give more and feeling stuck trying. i also now realize more that Im not "young" like I used to see myself as, and that life is moving as well as time.
As for lovely in LA's response, That would be a happy ending to find that kind of connection!:
Socially I am fulfilled with my current circle, And have set a few goals over the last 6 months which were successful for myself. Just feel at a cross roads with this. Improving my relations with my small family in Las Vegas was one, which made me happier and left me feeling a bit more whole, And made me look closer at my life and where it's headed.
And it was not fair. I have never mistreated any woman, and am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot.
This kind of thoughts are what make people become jaded, and with good reason. Unfortunately, fair and unfair are just our ideals and life does not work that way. Even as advanced as we are today, we are still in a kind of "survival of the fittest" in many aspects. Dating and relationships is one of them.
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Change is hard..Evolution even harder.
Fork in the Road
