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It's now been more than 4 years since my ex-wife and I parted ways. Despite our parting, we have chosen to remain amicable and of good will. For example, when things break in her home she often calls me for advice or help.
Given that 4 months had passed since I last spoke to her, I decided to call her just to see if she needed help with something. She informed me of two things which needed attention, but had been reluctant to ask my help for. We agreed an a particular day in which I'd go over.
As I pulled into her driveway I was shocked by what I saw. I wasn't sure it was her given that her back was turned against me as she washed her car. In four short months, this once lovely woman had put on considerable weight, had allowed her hair to turn gray, and her face had a few minor, yet noticeable, smudges resembling old age spots.
I made no comment about her appearance - something which my brother had noticed when he saw her several weeks ago. I took care of the two minor issues, said good bye, and went home.
Why would any woman neglect and allow her apperance to deteriorate to such a point? There must be some sort of meaning behind this. I've been told by our adult children (who still live with her) that she's not dating anyone, so maybe this is contributing to her deliberate neglect. However, it seems so unusual to me.
If you're a woman, why would you chose to neglect your appearance to such a degree?
It's now been more than 4 years since my ex-wife and I parted ways. Despite our parting, we have chosen to remain amicable and of good will. For example, when things break in her home she often calls me for advice or help.
Given that 4 months had passed since I last spoke to her, I decided to call her just to see if she needed help with something. She informed me of two things which needed attention, but had been reluctant to ask my help for. We agreed an a particular day in which I'd go over.
As I pulled into her driveway I was shocked by what I saw. I wasn't sure it was her given that her back was turned against me as she washed her car. In four short months, this once lovely woman had put on considerable weight, had allowed her hair to turn gray, and her face had a few minor, yet noticeable, smudges resembling old age spots.
I made no comment about her appearance - something which my brother had noticed when he saw her several weeks ago. I took care of the two minor issues, said good bye, and went home.
Why would any woman neglect and allow her apperance to deteriorate to such a point? There must be some sort of meaning behind this. I've been told by our adult children (who still live with her) that she's not dating anyone, so maybe this is contributing to her deliberate neglect. However, it seems so unusual to me.
If you're a woman, why would you chose to neglect your appearance to such a degree?
A few things spring to mind....
First, she could be depressed over your break up. Depression frequently leads to a lack of care in appearance and weight gain....
Or, she could be unconsciously avoiding another relationship by making herself as unattractive as possible. In her mind, a relationship may equate hurt and she doesn't want to go through that again.
Or, maybe since you left she has to work harder/more hours in order to pay the bills and she does not have time to take care of herself (or eat properly). Maybe she cannot afford to have her hair done or cannot find the time because she is working more (two jobs maybe), to make up for the loss of your income to the family.
Or, maybe, for the first time in her life she doesn't feel like she has to meet the "expectations" of another person and can be who she really is without having to worry about someone's disapproval.
i agree with what the others have said, however i'd like to point out that a) it's not just women who let this happen to themselves, and b) it's not just depression that causes it.
i knew a guy once who's tummy was bigger than that of a pregnant woman expecting twins! i would always joke with him abt his delivery date
anyway i once asked him if he worked out, and he told me point blank, "what for? i arready got myself a girl, so i don't have to worry abt that stuff anymore". i was like i had known him for a while and he certainly didn't act depressed, although he could've just been putting up a facade.
i've known other such cases as well. the point is there could be different reasons for it. some people get depressed and give up on themselves, others get pre-occupied with other things and don't even have the time for themselves, yet others just figure it's too much effort and don't bother anymore, etc etc. then there's the aging process as well...
Maybe she was having a bad day... or perhaps she does not feel the need to try to impress you anymore.
Why would a woman do this to herself? It happens all the time, but I hope that you continue to help her as before she "let herself go."
Is she happy? That's pretty much the bottom line. While it is possible she may be depressed or something, it is also possible that she just doesn't feel like being bothered with all that and is happier being more casual about that stuff.
To those of you who've mentioned a lack of money due to my absence, such is not the case. I still pay the mortgage and give her $1000/month. She has a nice job with flexible hours and an Ok income. This is not a "lack of money" issue.
Virgode. . .I will address you directly given that you've raised the old rehashed, burned out double standard issue:
Lady, I look good. I take care of my health and appearance. I work out several times a week, weigh no more than 186lbs and am firm in all the right places. Although I'm 51 years old, I have no need to dye my jet black hair. I have not grayed most likely because gray hair is not prevalent in my family. My mother started graying in her early 70's. At 74, although gray, my father has a full head of hair, as does his son.
I was thinking it could be depression. Or it could be some other type of mental illness which she never thought of telling you about, because possibly fear of judgement. However, this mental condition might have caused her to seek treatment which requires possibly a certain type of medication that influences weight gain. I have two friends who have some serious mental problems and they are on medications that have caused their appetite to have increased ten fold and have gained some serious weight.
It's now been more than 4 years since my ex-wife and I parted ways. Despite our parting, we have chosen to remain amicable and of good will. For example, when things break in her home she often calls me for advice or help.
Given that 4 months had passed since I last spoke to her, I decided to call her just to see if she needed help with something. She informed me of two things which needed attention, but had been reluctant to ask my help for. We agreed an a particular day in which I'd go over.
As I pulled into her driveway I was shocked by what I saw. I wasn't sure it was her given that her back was turned against me as she washed her car. In four short months, this once lovely woman had put on considerable weight, had allowed her hair to turn gray, and her face had a few minor, yet noticeable, smudges resembling old age spots.
I made no comment about her appearance - something which my brother had noticed when he saw her several weeks ago. I took care of the two minor issues, said good bye, and went home.
Why would any woman neglect and allow her apperance to deteriorate to such a point? There must be some sort of meaning behind this. I've been told by our adult children (who still live with her) that she's not dating anyone, so maybe this is contributing to her deliberate neglect. However, it seems so unusual to me.
If you're a woman, why would you chose to neglect your appearance to such a degree?
Is it really that surprising? I have never been through a divorce, but I know that it is a life-altering event and possibly has thrown her into a deep depression - especially if she still has feelings for you.
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i had known him for a while and he certainly didn't act depressed, although he could've just been putting up a facade.
