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Curious if anyone had to take this drastic measure. I feel it is drastic because I am mostly a pretty family oriented person. So I am not taking this possible decision lightly. I am not naive though, I realize there are situations where toxic people need to be cut off. I am at the point where I feel it might be the only way. I have been married for 15 years but have dealt with my husband's family for about 22 yrs now. I have endured snotty comments, hurtful gossip and just bold face lies. I have not been liked from the beginning. Honestly, not sure why. My husband admitted his family can be haters and give "outsiders" a hard time. He defends me when the in-laws go into hate mode but it gets exhausting, especially combating lies.
Recently we had a situation explode into such nonsense that I am still shaking my head over it. It is now a full fledge problem that never should have been, so the eagerness to make a mountain out of a molehill only proves to me and my husband that the family is so eager to hate. This latest event really opened his eyes on to what I have expressed over the years. I have endured the crap over the years because I care about my husband and my in laws treat my child very well. So I just put on the brave face and dealt because I care about MY family. But it has now escalated to where his one sister and her daughter threatened me physically. I'm done.
So for those that cut off the in-laws. Does your spouse still see them or it is a complete cut off? I dont feel my husband should have to choose and I told him this. He is free to see his family anytime he wants. We live 300 miles from them and last year his whole family came to stay with us for a weekend. It was the worst summer of my life as every other weekend we had someone from his family visiting. So the only thing I put my foot down about is that I said I do not want his family staying at our home anymore. Plenty of hotels in the area they can stay at. He said he simply wont have anyone visit us anymore. I dont know how that is going to work out in the long run. So I would like to hear from those that did the cut off and how it worked out.
Curious if anyone had to take this drastic measure. I feel it is drastic because I am mostly a pretty family oriented person. So I am not taking this possible decision lightly. I am not naive though, I realize there are situations where toxic people need to be cut off. I am at the point where I feel it might be the only way. I have been married for 15 years but have dealt with my husband's family for about 22 yrs now. I have endured snotty comments, hurtful gossip and just bold face lies. I have not been liked from the beginning. Honestly, not sure why. My husband admitted his family can be haters and give "outsiders" a hard time. He defends me when the in-laws go into hate mode but it gets exhausting, especially combating lies.
Recently we had a situation explode into such nonsense that I am still shaking my head over it. It is now a full fledge problem that never should have been, so the eagerness to make a mountain out of a molehill only proves to me and my husband that the family is so eager to hate. This latest event really opened his eyes on to what I have expressed over the years. I have endured the crap over the years because I care about my husband and my in laws treat my child very well. So I just put on the brave face and dealt because I care about MY family. But it has now escalated to where his one sister and her daughter threatened me physically. I'm done.
So for those that cut off the in-laws. Does your spouse still see them or it is a complete cut off? I dont feel my husband should have to choose and I told him this. He is free to see his family anytime he wants. We live 300 miles from them and last year his whole family came to stay with us for a weekend. It was the worst summer of my life as every other weekend we had someone from his family visiting. So the only thing I put my foot down about is that I said I do not want his family staying at our home anymore. Plenty of hotels in the area they can stay at. He said he simply wont have anyone visit us anymore. I dont know how that is going to work out in the long run. So I would like to hear from those that did the cut off and how it worked out.
Why exactly can't your husband issue a tough message to his family??
Problem is with your husband
Cutting off never works, but a few tough statements will put some people in line, milady
have endured snotty comments, hurtful gossip and just bold face lies. I have not been liked from the beginning. Honestly, not sure why. My husband admitted his family can be haters and give "outsiders" a hard time. He defends me when the in-laws go into hate mode but it gets exhausting, especially combating lies.
.
Oh thats great that your husband defends you....
I think that means a lot, if I were in your shoes...everything else is bearable according to me.
But yes, I agree being physical is not acceptable. Do what you feel is right, just stop talking to them who were physical with you and others maybe just keep hi-hello relation.
Anyways you dont see them on daily basis.
I am in such a bad situation then yrs, I have my in-laws living with me...talking crap to me all the time either about my sp. need son or in general. The best part is they do it when my hubby is not around. and then in front of my hubby, if i question them as to why they talk crap, they say they were just joking. So my hubby always defends them.
Feels like I am not the only one hearing crap from in-laws
Why exactly can't your husband issue a tough message to his family??
Problem is with your husband
Cutting off never works, but a few tough statements will put some people in line, milady
My husband has talked to them many times about their behavior. It falls on deaf ears or my MIL uses her famous line, "Well I am entitled to my opinion." She is a pretty cold and hurtful person. So my husband already has issues with her on his childhood. There have been countless times my MIL has called up my husband to express her opinion that I am the worst thing that ever happened to him. Or someone will make up something really bizarre and my MIL feels the need to call my husband on it. Like the one christmas we went to my MIL's house and my SIL told her that I didn't eat any food and had an attitude. My MIL was so excited to have some dirt that she called up my husband to tell him how rude I was, totally forgetting that she made me a plate and sat next me while we ate. He checked her on that and then was like..."oh ya...well she must of had some sort of attitude." (SIL and I do not get along, she was not happy her brother got married)
Or the time my mother and I went on vacation together. She got free plane tickets out west and asked me accompany her so we could visit another family member. Apparently my MIL had a problem with this. So she called up my husband to let him know that I am an extremely selfish person for taking a vacation without him. But a few months later when my husband and child went on a guy's weekend to NYC, that was okay. I could give you a hundreds of examples but it would turn this thread into a novel. The latest blow out was again over nonsense. It was over a facebook comment of all things. A comment my husband made, not me. If you want more details on that I will explain further. We moved away from the family 3 yrs ago and it has been mostly peaceful until recently. I am just spent now. It was pretty disheartening to log into my facebook account and see a message on a public board saying that someone is going to F me up. It's like...really? Are we in high school?
Oh thats great that your husband defends you....
I think that means a lot, if I were in your shoes...everything else is bearable according to me.
But yes, I agree being physical is not acceptable. Do what you feel is right, just stop talking to them who were physical with you and others maybe just keep hi-hello relation.
Anyways you dont see them on daily basis.
I am in such a bad situation then yrs, I have my in-laws living with me...talking crap to me all the time either about my sp. need son or in general. The best part is they do it when my hubby is not around. and then in front of my hubby, if i question them as to why they talk crap, they say they were just joking. So my hubby always defends them.
Feels like I am not the only one hearing crap from in-laws
Wow, I feel for ya. I would end up divorced if my in-laws lived with me. There is no way. I can relate to the snide comments. My in-laws are good for saying something to me after my husband leaves the room. I didn't tell him of every little thing because well, it would non stop complaining. I pretty much chose my battles. The last time I saw my MIL I was finishing up my degree. After hubby left the room, she said in her usual nasal tone. "It sure is taking you a lonnng time." Funny coming from a woman that never graduated high school.
You should no longer allow them into your home....if your husband feels an obligation to visit his family, he should go there!!He should absolutely put his foot down and tell his family he will no longer listen to any unkind words they have to say about you...by disrespecting you, they are disrespecting him.
You should no longer allow them into your home....if your husband feels an obligation to visit his family, he should go there!!He should absolutely put his foot down and tell his family he will no longer listen to any unkind words they have to say about you...by disrespecting you, they are disrespecting him.
I agree. Family or not, anyone who puts you down and treats you rudely should never be allowed to set foot in your house.
My husband has talked to them many times about their behavior. It falls on deaf ears or my MIL uses her famous line, "Well I am entitled to my opinion." She is a pretty cold and hurtful person. So my husband already has issues with her on his childhood. There have been countless times my MIL has called up my husband to express her opinion that I am the worst thing that ever happened to him. Or someone will make up something really bizarre and my MIL feels the need to call my husband on it. Like the one christmas we went to my MIL's house and my SIL told her that I didn't eat any food and had an attitude. My MIL was so excited to have some dirt that she called up my husband to tell him how rude I was, totally forgetting that she made me a plate and sat next me while we ate. He checked her on that and then was like..."oh ya...well she must of had some sort of attitude." (SIL and I do not get along, she was not happy her brother got married)
Or the time my mother and I went on vacation together. She got free plane tickets out west and asked me accompany her so we could visit another family member. Apparently my MIL had a problem with this. So she called up my husband to let him know that I am an extremely selfish person for taking a vacation without him. But a few months later when my husband and child went on a guy's weekend to NYC, that was okay. I could give you a hundreds of examples but it would turn this thread into a novel. The latest blow out was again over nonsense. It was over a facebook comment of all things. A comment my husband made, not me. If you want more details on that I will explain further. We moved away from the family 3 yrs ago and it has been mostly peaceful until recently. I am just spent now. It was pretty disheartening to log into my facebook account and see a message on a public board saying that someone is going to F me up. It's like...really? Are we in high school?
Please, please, please, please tell. It's facebook. Did MIL put a bulldozer through your farm or did she steal your cow??
did we marry into the same family, cause i swear you are living my life! my wife went so far as to delete all of her kin folks from FB except her brother. then they had a big blow up and his fiance deleted her from both their pages.
the best thing i have found is to be nice to them. it absolutely drives them nuts when they cannot figure out how to get under your skin. if you show them something upset you, they will keep it up. but act like nothing they do even matters one way or another and you make them mad. then sit back and laugh about it. don't take this to mena let them run over you, but unless something they are doing is outright endagnering you or someone in your family just ignore them. smile, laugh, carry on as if nothing is being said.
My husband has talked to them many times about their behavior. It falls on deaf ears or my MIL uses her famous line, "Well I am entitled to my opinion." She is a pretty cold and hurtful person. So my husband already has issues with her on his childhood. There have been countless times my MIL has called up my husband to express her opinion that I am the worst thing that ever happened to him. Or someone will make up something really bizarre and my MIL feels the need to call my husband on it. Like the one christmas we went to my MIL's house and my SIL told her that I didn't eat any food and had an attitude. My MIL was so excited to have some dirt that she called up my husband to tell him how rude I was, totally forgetting that she made me a plate and sat next me while we ate. He checked her on that and then was like..."oh ya...well she must of had some sort of attitude." (SIL and I do not get along, she was not happy her brother got married)
Or the time my mother and I went on vacation together. She got free plane tickets out west and asked me accompany her so we could visit another family member. Apparently my MIL had a problem with this. So she called up my husband to let him know that I am an extremely selfish person for taking a vacation without him. But a few months later when my husband and child went on a guy's weekend to NYC, that was okay. I could give you a hundreds of examples but it would turn this thread into a novel. The latest blow out was again over nonsense. It was over a facebook comment of all things. A comment my husband made, not me. If you want more details on that I will explain further. We moved away from the family 3 yrs ago and it has been mostly peaceful until recently. I am just spent now. It was pretty disheartening to log into my facebook account and see a message on a public board saying that someone is going to F me up. It's like...really? Are we in high school?
Seriously, your problem is still your husband
If my mother were to drive a wedge between me and my wife, I'd compel her into silence with my antics. I'll make it known to her that her thoughts are not welcome to my ears. One such lesson and momma will never even bring the topic up again.
But fortunately, when sons can be such potential a$$es, their moms turn out nice and great. My mother is a complete diplomat, like I am.
Unfortunately, your husband sounds like a nice guy who can be swayed upon and he is unable to stop the constant spate of negative sentiments about his wife.
It's all on the husband. Cutting family off does not work. Disciplining them does. But your husband may not be the type who can achieve this. So it's your cross to bear and it won't stop. Ignore it
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I'm done. 
So the only thing I put my foot down about is that I said I do not want his family staying at our home anymore. Plenty of hotels in the area they can stay at. He said he simply wont have anyone visit us anymore. I dont know how that is going to work out in the long run. So I would like to hear from those that did the cut off and how it worked out.
It's like...really? Are we in high school?
Funny coming from a woman that never graduated high school. 
