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I have a big problem: My girlfriend feels disrespectful by my mother. I know that it was my fault, because I have a lot of confidence with my mother and I have told her our relationships problems.
My girlfriend and I are living together and she said to me that she ought to be the first. On the other hand my mother said to me that my girlfriend are devastating me, that she don't want the best for me, and that I had changed my personality (my mother don't see me happy).
My girlfriend wants I put limits to my mother and that she don't meddle in our lives (I didn't think that my mother meddle in our lives, we're living together for 4 months and my mother only had came twice). I don’t know if I am in love.
I have a big problem: My girlfriend feels disrespectful by my mother. I know that it was my fault, because I have a lot of confidence with my mother and I have told her our relationships problems.
My girlfriend and I are living together and she said to me that she ought to be the first. On the other hand my mother said to me that my girlfriend are devastating me, that she don't want the best for me, and that I had changed my personality (my mother don't see me happy).
My girlfriend wants I put limits to my mother and that she don't meddle in our lives (I didn't think that my mother meddle in our lives, we're living together for 4 months and my mother only had came twice). I don’t know if I am in love.
I don't know what to do. I'm not happy.
Thank you
You need to rephrase that because your wording is as confused as you are.
Did you mean your girlfriend feels disrepected BY your mother or that she is disrespectful TO your mother??
But it is possible that your mother is being disrespectful of your girlfriend. It also sounds as though your girlfriend is disrespectful of your mother. Either way, it sounds like you have allowed both of them to put you in the middle. Time to grow up.
I don't think you are ready for an intense relationship.
Let me rephrase it for the OP - the mother disrespects the girlfriend. Why? Well, the OP instead of confronting the girlfriend about their issue instead confided in the mother. Now the mother is probably giving glaring looks to the girlfriend thereby disrespecting her.
Now the girlfriend doesn't make the OP happy - OP it's time to "man up" and have the conversation with your girlfriend about your feelings. Good or Bad, but make it known, otherwise you will continue to be unhappy. If she doesn't change her behavior then it's time to break it off.
The girlfriends sounds like a controlling, insecure twit. Find someone who really cares about you and is accepting of your family. There is nothing worse than having a SO who disrespects your family. Huge RED FLAG!!!
I really don't think you should be discussing your relationship with your mother (particularly if it's causing tension between your mother and your girlfriend).
I suggest you tell your mom that from here on out, neither your girlfriend nor your relationship with her are up for discussion.
If your mother disrespects your gf, you should ask her to stop. I would also suggest the gf have a little talk with your mom as well. I mean, these are two adults, right? Why should you have to be in the middle of a long, drawn-out soap opera? Set the tone of the dynamics in the relationships, and then leave it to them to work out from that point on.
Sounds as though the GF feels disrespected by the mother and the mother who sees problems is looking out for her son but not being meddlesome. A woman who tries to come between a mother and son after only four months into a live-in relationship is seriously playing with fire and I'm also concerned that the OP says, "I don’t know if I am in love. I don't know what to do. I'm not happy."
raymusic, how long did you date the GF before you decided to move in together? Have you asked your GF why she feels that your mother disrespects her and is meddling? Did the two of them meet before you moved in together? Are you splitting living expenses evenly? Best not to waste time being unhappy, particularly when you're on the fence about whether or not you're in love. If you were you'd know it. Life is too short. Good luck!
Okay, several thoughts and several different problems going on here.
First of all, if you want to have an adult romantic relationship with another human being? You have to cut the apron strings with mommy first. Sorry, but it's just a universal truth that one cannot be a full adult and participate fully in a mature relationship while they still tell mom and dad everything, while they allow mom and dad to be at center stage, to have preference over their partner. If you are still in that stage where you have to confide everything in your mom, it means you are not ready to be in a relationship. It means you are not ready to live with a woman, or to have a serious girlfriend.
In a healthy relationship, the two partners form the deepest circle of intimacy. You can still love your parents, you can still talk to them. But you would never talk badly about your GF to your mother because you and the GF are more intimate. So that was the first (and perhaps fatal) mistake made.
The other side of this, is that it sounds like you are not happy with your GF. I'm not sure that has anything to do with your mother, and I wouldn't think your mother was right for interfering in any case, however if you are unhappy, then it may be time to consider if you are with the right person. It might be better to be alone and give yourself some time before dating again.
your mom sounds like a problem. I would push her out of your life before she really starts causing even more problems.
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