Quick questions to the married people... (marriage, women, love, single)

[chica_bella813]

Hi Married people...quick question-- what are the pros and cons you would tell a single person about being married???

Alot of single women think in their mind that once marriage is obtained then your happiness begins--I don't think that is so, but wanted to know your thoughts.

Also what makes marriage such hard work, pre and post children, and what advice would you give to keep it going strong

Thanks

[PA2UK]

Originally Posted by chica_bella813

Hi Married people...quick question-- what are the pros and cons you would tell a single person about being married???

I'm not sure a marriage can really be defined in terms of generic "pros and cons". Is my married perfect? No, but whatever problems we have are just a part of life and being together and they would probably exist if we were married or just living together. Furthermore, whatever problems we have are worth being able to share our lives together.

Alot of single women think in their mind that once marriage is obtained then your happiness begins--I don't think that is so, but wanted to know your thoughts.

Anyone who thinks that should not be getting married - you get married because you're happy with the person you're with and you feel you will remind happy together for the rest of your lives, not because it will bring you happiness that doesn't already exist.

Also what makes marriage such hard work, pre and post children, and what advice would you give to keep it going strong

Thanks

We don't have kids so I can't comment. I think the most important things in any relationship are commitment, communication, trust and support.

[JustJulia]

LOL ... none of these are quick questions!

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

LOL ... none of these are quick questions!

Yup. That's the first indication that the OP is not ready to get married.

[FrmlyBklyn]

[quote=chica_bella813;15918874]Hi Married people...quick question-- what are the pros and cons you would tell a single person about being married???

Alot of single women think in their mind that once marriage is obtained then your happiness begins--I don't think that is so, but wanted to know your thoughts.
Also what makes marriage such hard work, pre and post children, and what advice would you give to keep it going strong
[quote]


[quote=FrmlyBklyn]
Anyone who thinks that, be it man or woman, should remain single. After the first year, reality will hit.


Pre-children:
It doesn't have to be hard work as long as both partners have common goals and are willing to work towards achieving those goals. The hard part comes in when you have one idea, your partner has another and you are unable to meet in the middle. You have to be able to compromise - no life is perfect, even when it appears so on the outside.


As for post children - Don't have children if you are not able to do the above pre-children step, having a child does not fix bad relationships - it only compounds the issues. I'd say after you are a few months along your focus becomes the child, but you must remember to make time for each other - when you neglect a person(inside or outside a marriage) that's when the problems begin.

But there is nothing like the smile of a child to make your problems melt away.

Now go and enjoy singledom! [quote]

[Urban Sasquatch]

The simplest answer:

1. One person's pro is another person's con, so that portion is 100 percent impossible to answer. Even more to the point of coping with pros and cons within one's marriage, one guy might very well go along with something you want (call it a pro) while another guy may fit other things on the bill but NOT go along with something you want (call it a con IF you can justify it).

2. The closest thing to stacking the cards in your favor, and even then it's NOT a guarantee by any stretch of the imagination:

- Marry someone who is your intellectual equal. They may not think the same way you do, but you KNOW they're intelligent and you respect their intelligence WHILE feeling secure in your own, so that you're pretty sure they have no reason NOT to respect yours. Differences in intelligence (not academia, but intelligence) may seem small at first but are most assuredly NOT once people begin trying to operate within the parameters and fluctuations of daily life.

- Marry someone who can respect your needs, but always remember that you must respect theirs as well. Little things for example, such as if you're a stickler for tidiness. You may have to bend some, so your house doesn't look like an OCD dwelling anymore, BUT it won't work if they refuse to at least try to stay hygienic and moderately tidy; in no time at all you'll be pulling your hair out and feel like you're swimming in filth.

- KNOW YOURSELF, and that means knowing your strengths and limitations. It makes picking someone out who suits you much, much easier.

- Marry someone who views money the same way you do. If you're a spender who knows no thrift, don't marry someone who saves JUST so you have someone to take care of you -- or vice versa. Eventually it wears thin and the saver WILL begin to resent the spender.

- Silly as it may sound, morning people really shouldn't marry non-morning people. Sure, some make it work so long as nothing else is really gumming up the gears -- after all, it's FAR from the end of the world or anything to get bent out of shape over; but if other things do arise which feel significant, the morning person begins to resent the loss of time during which they could be productive on efforts which are supposed to be joint in nature. Meanwhile, the non-morning person rues the morning person's noise (even small, unobtrusive noises).

Most important factor of all:

- KNOW THAT IT'S A TEAM EFFORT. Cooperation can take a couple, even a couple with some pretty glaring differences, a LONG, LONG way. Flexibility and a proactive desire to cooperate and solve problems rather than WIN is incalculably valuable, utterly priceless.

[paganmama80]

Originally Posted by chica_bella813

Hi Married people...quick question-- what are the pros and cons you would tell a single person about being married???

Alot of single women think in their mind that once marriage is obtained then your happiness begins--I don't think that is so, but wanted to know your thoughts.

Also what makes marriage such hard work, pre and post children, and what advice would you give to keep it going strong

Thanks

Any time you have to live with someone it's hard work because you have to compromise on things....you might believe in spanking she might not....you might believe teaching your child to fight is okay she might not....you might like neon green paint on the walls....and chances are she will not lol....that is what is so hard for most people being married....comprising. You also have to be a good communicator and let them know how you feel and vice versa. The benefits are many of course....being able to start a family....sex , having 2 incomes means more money to do things, having someone to come home to and talk too,a nice warm person to snuggle with on cold nights....plus lots of other things.

[Coolhand68]

Originally Posted by chica_bella813

Hi Married people...quick question-- what are the pros and cons you would tell a single person about being married???

Alot of single women think in their mind that once marriage is obtained then your happiness begins--I don't think that is so, but wanted to know your thoughts.

Also what makes marriage such hard work, pre and post children, and what advice would you give to keep it going strong

Thanks

I've said this before - Pros, when you come home someone is always there...cons, when you come home, someone is always there. It's tongue in cheek, but when you break it down that's a big part of it.

What makes marriage such hard work? It really shouldn't be, but marriages can feel strained for any number of reasons--money is a big one, children, in-laws, health concerns, distance, temptation, and in many cases just simply growing apart over time. As you get older some of your priorities shift or change, and sometimes your spouses priorities don't always change in sync with yours.

What was important to someone ten years ago, may not be important today. Couples don't always change in sync, and often grow apart from one another over time instead of closer.

Those are some of the challenges, but your mileage may vary.

[funymann]

Originally Posted by chica_bella813

Hi Married people...quick question-- what are the pros and cons you would tell a single person about being married???

Alot of single women think in their mind that once marriage is obtained then your happiness begins--I don't think that is so, but wanted to know your thoughts.

Also what makes marriage such hard work, pre and post children, and what advice would you give to keep it going strong

Thanks

Pros: You don't have to worry about diseases. Well...with all the cheating now a days...Scratch that.

Cons: You no longer go as you please. You have to talk with one another...make plans...undo plans. Yeah...Hassle.

You have to take care of another person. If they are needy and can't wipe their own butt then you are in for a long haul of misery.

Honestly...you have to find someone that is very UNselfish. Someone that will go the distance for you. Like if you were in need...they would already be there before you even asked. A hug, a kind word, a ride.

We have to remember that Marriage does not equal happiness. What you are now will be just as bad if not worse after you marry. Marriage is not something that will fix anything you are lacking in. You have to be a full, well arranged person BEFORE entering a committed relationship like that. You should be able to bring many good qualities into a relationship...not use the relationship to cover up your bad qualities or use your partner as a person to blame.

All in all....marriage is work. Two people trying to be one. Hard thing to do when we are all imperfect and make mistakes.

A successful marriage is two people who can forgive.

[TaoistDude]

Any pros or cons I could give would depend entirely on the person I was speaking to, and would have to be based in what I know about them. For each person, the answer will vary (usually it's a matter of degree), and who and what would comprise a good match for them may not be the same as for someone else.

Hypothetically, though, I'd say a pro is having someone who consistently loves you and cares for you and has your best interests and happiness at heart, and works with you to make good things happen. A con would be someone who does not do that, and may even be a drain on your own growth and happiness. And you should be able to reciprocate, to a degree and in ways that they desire.