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Old 04-26-2011, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Midwest
50 posts, read 156,222 times
Reputation: 38

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There is another angle to this situation that I don't think anyone has addressed.

You said you both work at the same hospital, and he's an intern. Remember it's always risky to date someone from your workplace. He has undoubtedly worked hard through med school and works insane hours as an intern, and it's possible he may not want to risk an uncomfortable situation if things didn't work out between the two of you. What's the hospital's policy on dating? It's a slippery slope for sure, so he may just be playing it safe even though he may find you cute.

Putting the workplace issue aside, if you're really interested in this guy then you absolutely have to kick the aloof and cold appearance that you've been told others perceive about you. That's how he could be "intimidated" by you. We guys notice when a girl seems standoff-ish, and your chances of getting asked out will decrease dramatically if you're coming across that way. No guy wants to give a girl flowers if he thinks there is a possibility that she might try to make him eat them.

So the bottom line here is that you've got to be more friendly with him. Smile. Ask how his weekend went. Just be natural. Showing a genuine interest goes a long ways! He might respond in kind.

Let us know how it goes!

Quote:
Originally Posted by simpleharmonicmotion View Post
There's a guy at work I cannot stop thinking about. I do feel like I get some vibes from him, but I am not completely sure. At one point, he looked right at me and we definitely locked eyes for a split second longer than what is okay in polite society. He has also shown some other signs of seeming interested, but they are so subtle that I do not know if he just thinks I'm another cute girl walking around or if this is something I should take seriously.

He seems very reserved in general to everyone and I know he feels stressed already as he is an intern (I work at a hospital). But, he has said a few things to me here and there. To make things worse, I am new at this workplace and I can feel a little bit out of place at times so I can get a little bit aloof and reserved myself. I have been told that I can come off cold and hard to get to know. I really have not gone out of my way to say anything to him either honestly. These sideways glances and vibes have been going on since August- the first time I noticed him. The second time we saw each other he pretty much stared at me the whole time- I was completely unnerved by the shock of this guy staring at me to look back and on top of that-was too busy trying to focus as we were in the ER and there was a level 1 trauma going on in front of us needing to be taken care of.

Throughout all of these months I have seen him on and off, here and there. Sometimes weeks have gone by before I see him. I have backed off totally mostly because I feel like if he was interested he would have said something by now-sent me a work email or stopped me in the hallway or asked my coworker about me. I really try to make it seem like I am not interested because I feel like a fool being interested in a guy that doesn't reciprocate. My coworker tells me that maybe he is just intimidated. I say that most people, including guys, usually want to get what they want and aren't going to wait. Right now I am seeing him pretty regularly. I don't know what to think or say or do, if I should at at all. I still feel if he likes me more than just thinks I'm cute, he'll say something, right? Keep in mind that I also feel incredibly sheepish about this whole thing. I barely know who this guy is outside of how attracted I feel towards him and the fact that he is a resident at the hospital I work at. I am rarely this viscerally attracted to someone so this is a big deal to me.

So basically, what I am trying to ask if do men indeed become intimidated by women or is this something women tell themselves to lessen the pain of rejection?
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Old 04-26-2011, 05:17 PM
 
629 posts, read 1,232,932 times
Reputation: 454
Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987 View Post
just write single on a piece of paper and hold it up next time he crosses you in the hall

double dog dare y a
I love this! You must do this. It would be a great ice breaker. If I was single and asking out a girl I'd add a question mark to it.
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Old 04-26-2011, 05:46 PM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,765 posts, read 2,787,459 times
Reputation: 2366
Quote:
Originally Posted by simpleharmonicmotion View Post
There's a guy at work I cannot stop thinking about. I do feel like I get some vibes from him, but I am not completely sure. At one point, he looked right at me and we definitely locked eyes for a split second longer than what is okay in polite society. He has also shown some other signs of seeming interested, but they are so subtle that I do not know if he just thinks I'm another cute girl walking around or if this is something I should take seriously.

He seems very reserved in general to everyone and I know he feels stressed already as he is an intern (I work at a hospital). But, he has said a few things to me here and there. To make things worse, I am new at this workplace and I can feel a little bit out of place at times so I can get a little bit aloof and reserved myself. I have been told that I can come off cold and hard to get to know. I really have not gone out of my way to say anything to him either honestly. These sideways glances and vibes have been going on since August- the first time I noticed him. The second time we saw each other he pretty much stared at me the whole time- I was completely unnerved by the shock of this guy staring at me to look back and on top of that-was too busy trying to focus as we were in the ER and there was a level 1 trauma going on in front of us needing to be taken care of.

Throughout all of these months I have seen him on and off, here and there. Sometimes weeks have gone by before I see him. I have backed off totally mostly because I feel like if he was interested he would have said something by now-sent me a work email or stopped me in the hallway or asked my coworker about me. I really try to make it seem like I am not interested because I feel like a fool being interested in a guy that doesn't reciprocate. My coworker tells me that maybe he is just intimidated. I say that most people, including guys, usually want to get what they want and aren't going to wait. Right now I am seeing him pretty regularly. I don't know what to think or say or do, if I should at at all. I still feel if he likes me more than just thinks I'm cute, he'll say something, right? Keep in mind that I also feel incredibly sheepish about this whole thing. I barely know who this guy is outside of how attracted I feel towards him and the fact that he is a resident at the hospital I work at. I am rarely this viscerally attracted to someone so this is a big deal to me.

So basically, what I am trying to ask if do men indeed become intimidated by women or is this something women tell themselves to lessen the pain of rejection?

Speaking for myself, I'm a little tired of people (not just women) projecting and spinning elaborate stories around strangers they know nothing about. Everybody wants to explain everybody else's behavior or lack of behavior without ever engaging them in conversation.

Personally I would never assume anything about someone I haven't directly engaged in conversation with...and even then, I wouldn't make presumptions if I haven't ask a question on a specific conclusion I've made about them.

And above all, I would never, NEVER jump to a presumptuous negative conclusion about someone on zero or little evidence in order to make myself feel better. I would rather be pegged as the undesirable one than to draw an unsubstantiated negative conclusion about someone. Usually, those types of erroneous, feel-good, impressions get repeated and do unjust damage to a person's reputation which has real repercussions on their social life.

I also think being attracted to someone based on their looks or unless they are attracted to you is never a good idea. You can't know or judge someone accurately based on such a shallow pool of information.
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Old 04-26-2011, 05:54 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,968,258 times
Reputation: 13949
Intimidated?

I will admit that I'm a little shy when I approach attractive women, but I do have enough courage to ask them out if they appear interested.

When I get the date, well that's a different story. I'm fairly confident in winning more dates when I get that first date.
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Old 04-27-2011, 01:32 PM
 
1 posts, read 3,932 times
Reputation: 10
You are living in an equal opportunity world. If you are unwilling to ask him, why should he be willing to ask you? Women gave up the right to expect men to do all the asking when they demanded - and were granted - equal rights.
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Old 04-27-2011, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Way up high
22,250 posts, read 29,294,351 times
Reputation: 31350
Yes they do
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Old 04-27-2011, 05:02 PM
 
2,444 posts, read 3,577,370 times
Reputation: 3133
If I see a girl who is kinda hot then I'm not intimidated, then I can't look for some kinda que to open a conversation casually and try to go from there...
But if I see a girl who is so obviously and ridiculously hot, like Jessica Simpson in dukes of hazard(see link below), then yes, I get intimidated.
But, I also think that this intimidation is something that is only common for guys who have trouble with dating (like me), so I can't say that guys in general are intimidated in this way. Especially if she gives a "stone cold" appearance.
http://mystuffspace.com/graphic/dukes-of-hazard.jpg
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Old 04-27-2011, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,781,730 times
Reputation: 6561
Yes, that is a very real thing. If I'm not attracted to a woman or know she's taken, I can talk to her all day. But if I'm attracted to her and she's single, I have a brain freeze. I feel like I have to be funny or say something clever, which I can only do spontaneously. So I don't approach. You'd think it would get easier, but I'm 42 and it hasn't. Of course, I was with my ex-wife for 7 years, and am 2 yours out of that. I'm still trying to recover and not feeling confident. So thats a long answer. Just smile at him and say hi regularly, and he "should" get the hint.
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Old 04-27-2011, 06:27 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,485 posts, read 7,298,561 times
Reputation: 2913
I doubt an intern or any doctor for that matter would be too intimidated by a coworker to ask them out. Unless you are above him in rank. I've known several stupid young male doctors feel like its their right to stare at / hit on whomever they want. He is either too busy to be truly interested and need some eye candy, or he is one of these ******* guys who think they can get any chick so they can just stare. Normal people are friendly and make conversation with people that they are interested in. He seems a bit weird.
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Old 04-27-2011, 07:48 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,728,141 times
Reputation: 3019
Working at the same place, ups the stakes a lot. If something goes wrong, from being rejected or to a break up, you still have to see them again almost every day. I find it a lot easier to approach someone at a party or club, knowing that I probably wont see them again.
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