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My wife and I (4 years marriage, I'm 25 she's 24) recently moved back to the city her family lives in. It's about 1,200 miles from my parents and sister, but we decided we wanted to live in this city and bought our first house here about a month ago.
Anyway, about 5 hours ago her two younger sisters came over, they hung out here for a little before all 3 of them decide to "go shopping." About 4 hours into their shopping I call my wife on an unrelated note, only to be told "we're out having dinner with dad, we just got here so I have to go..." I hear her dad in the background saying "uh oh, hahaha" before I respond "oh you jerk..." to the phone. I then text her "next time tell me you're going out to eat, so I'm not here waiting and wondering if I should wait for you or eat alone." No response from her.
Am I over reacting by being annoyed that she didn't say something to me about all of them going out to eat together? I'm not upset that they didn't include me, just that my wife didn't think to call and let me know, or offer to bring something home, etc. I would of said "no thanks," and went along and made something here like I ended up doing anyway, just without the waiting and thinking I should wait till she gets home. After all, they're just going "shopping." It's the her not thinking "Oh yeah, I told my husband I was going shopping, maybe I should call him," that gets me. I just wish I popped into her mind during times like this - we're married after all!
I know it's a small issue, but my question is - am I overreacting...?
And it isn't the first time something like this happens.
My wife and I (4 years marriage, I'm 25 she's 24) recently moved back to the city her family lives in. It's about 1,200 miles from my parents and sister, but we decided we wanted to live in this city and bought our first house here about a month ago.
Anyway, about 5 hours ago her two younger sisters came over, they hung out here for a little before all 3 of them decide to "go shopping." About 4 hours into their shopping I call my wife on an unrelated note, only to be told "we're out having dinner with dad, we just got here so I have to go..." I hear her dad in the background saying "uh oh, hahaha" before I respond "oh you jerk..." to the phone. I then text her "next time tell me you're going out to eat, so I'm not here waiting and wondering if I should wait for you or eat alone." No response from her.
Am I over reacting by being annoyed that she didn't say something to me about all of them going out to eat together? I'm not upset that they didn't include me, just that my wife didn't think to call and let me know, or offer to bring something home, etc. I would of said "no thanks," and went along and made something here like I ended up doing anyway, just without the waiting and thinking I should wait till she gets home. After all, they're just going "shopping." It's the her not thinking "Oh yeah, I told my husband I was going shopping, maybe I should call him," that gets me. I just wish I popped into her mind during times like this - we're married after all!
I know it's a small issue, but my question is - am I overreacting...?
And it isn't the first time something like this happens.
Wow. Yes, you are overreacting. Do you always wait to know your wife's plans before eating when you are hungry?
Seems pretty simple...she's gone out, you get hungry - there's the fridge
And I'm sorry, but calling her on an "unrelated note" sounds like code for you were checking up on her
"Till death do you part" is going to be a LONG painful journey if you guys don't get a grip and start working as a team too.
Ideally, you and she would have discussed your dinner plans before she left.
HOWEVER, maybe the whole dinner with dad thing was very spontaneous and not something she anticipated before she left?
Instead of doing the little boy pout, I highly suggest you get over the drama and just use this experience as a jumping off point for conversation - not arguing - about how you will each handle situations like this in the future.
No need to keep score about who hurt whose feelings, just do the work to score as a team in your approach to issues that all married people face
Also meant to say, I think the fact you are now so far away from your own parents and sibling and familiar terriorty is making you feel a little left out and lonely in your new situation, so you are a bit sensitive at the moment.
And your wife is probably still just so excited about moving back and being near HER family that she is all caught up in her own joy and doesn't see how you are feeling.
Take your time to share how you are feeling with her. Make her aware that while you are happy for HER, you are feeling a bit left out of things.
Hopefully a little awareness on her part will go a long way towards her being more sensitive to showing consideration for your feelings
Yes you are being silly. It is wonderful that she is going out to eat with her parents....I did that on a regular basis until my Dad passed away two years ago and I miss it. Be happy that your wife is having a good time not mad and jealous.
A few thoughts... if my husband was out and I got hungry, I would call or text him right away. If I didn't hear from him for whatever reason, I would either eat a snack or make myself dinner. If he came back and wondered why I had eaten without him, I would just shrug and say, "I'm sorry, honey, I tried to call, but you were busy and I got hungry." I think when you wait around getting hungrier without taking the initiative to contact your spouse, it makes a mountain out of a molehill.
The flip side of the coin is that if I'm out and about, I check in with my husband every few hours. It's not that I have to, just that I don't want him to worry. Particularly if any plans were being made to eat, my first thought would be to call and invite him. I would feel rude if I didn't.
I wouldn't make a huge issue out of it, but I might gently bring it up. Maybe ask if next time she could call and let you know they were going out to eat so that you could come too.
I don't know - I would be kind of annoyed if my husband did that. Would it be a huge issue - no. But, yes, I would be annoyed. My husband and I would probably check in with each other about dinner in that situation.
To the OP... I am one to stick up for guys in a lot of cases, but your post sounds CHILDISH...
You have been married for 4 years? That is like over ONE THOUSAND four hundred days...
She didn't tell you she was going to a restaurant with her FAMILY ? And you are upset?
A marriage is a wonderful thing, knowing that the women and man will be home together at night and go to bed together. That is a strong bond.
Your OP sounds very controlling. It's not like she went to a club or bar with her sisters/friends, and didn't let you know till after.. She was having a good time with her family for goodness sakes.
I don't mean to be harsh, but like to be straight forward. It sounds like you need to take up some hobbies and not run such a tight shift.
Controlling? Are you people kidding? He doesn't have an issue with his wife going out to eat with her sibs and dad. The issue is he was waiting for her to come home to have dinner... you know, like most people do. How considerate of him not to go out and grab something for himself so he could have dinner with his wife.
OP, your wife was inconsiderate for not letting you know. Just common courtesy. Explain it to her.
I don't think you are over reacting nor being childish. This is actually a pet peeve of mine and its my own baggage in a sense but my mother did this all the time to me when I was a child. Drove me nuts. She was glued to my grandmother and they would go off shopping all day and then eat lunch/dinner whatever. I was at home wondering if I should eat or wait for her. Sometimes I would go ahead and eat and then she would walk in the door with food. When I didnt eat she came home with nothing. When I had a family of my own, my husband and I always eat together. If he goes out with his work buddies after work he will give me a heads up that he will probably get dinner and tells me to go ahead and eat something at home or take our son out to dinner. I do the same when my mother visits. He knows we will be out all day and I will probably get a bite to eat. I always let him know and offer to bring food home if he wants. Families eat together and you and your wife are a family. Its not that you are going to starve to death, its just a simple case of consideration. Now that your wife knows you are pissed, make a rule that when one of you are out and going to eat then just give each other a heads up, especially now that she is spending more time with her family.
Controlling? Are you people kidding? He doesn't have an issue with his wife going out to eat with her sibs and dad. The issue is he was waiting for her to come home to have dinner... you know, like most people do. How considerate of him not to go out and grab something for himself so he could have dinner with his wife.
OP, your wife was inconsiderate for not letting you know. Just common courtesy. Explain it to her.
In today's high tech society of cell phones , we place too much pressure on others to contact each other at any minute of the day. Not everyone in today's world likes to have their exact whereabouts known. Some like to still live for the moment and go with the flow without worrying about what someone else is thinking.
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