Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We've been dating for 5 months. She took me out to a nice birthday and spent about a 150.00 for the meal. Never asked her to, and I said let's just keep it simple. So, to her, I guess this is simple. She also went to Nordstorm and purchased me two really nice shirts. Another 75.00 or so there. She's been working hard at work, and this is evident as she is exhausted and just normally falls a sleep out of exhaustion. Even when I am over, she had fell asleep while watching a movie. This past week, a family friend of her died. She's been very quiet since last Monday. Normally, she texts or calls, mostly, I had to contact her. We'd talk for a bit, and she sounds very stressed out at work. Saturday, she had a long work day and did not get home until 8. Called me and said she was too exhausted to do anything, so we cancelled our plans. We also talked about going on vacation in a couple of weeks and a soccer game too. Next day, she also had to go to a funeral. She said, if she didn't have the funeral, we'd be together. Said, these things happen, and I completely understand. I did offer to drive her, cause she said she was exhausted and has had trouble sleeping for the last couple of weeks. Though, she does say, when I am there, she sleeps better. When I was at her place Thursday, she asked if I can sleep over, I declined cause of work the next day. I called her last night to see how the funeral and her family is doing, and after two rings, it went to voicemail. She called me back about an hour later. Said she was driving. Which, I believe, but she usually always picked up before. We talked about how it is just now hitting her that the death is a reality. And she really misses the person. I tried to console her as best as possible. Not sure if I helped or not. About an hour later, she said, she's about ready to drop and she's going to bed. She said she loved me and she'll see me tomorrow. I'm cooking for her tonight at my apt. She asked what to bring, I said, just herself. She said, well, she's bring desert and wine too. We also have Easter next weekend at her parents house.
I tend to over think things, so please do not attack me about the death and it is not always about me me me... I get that. Ever since I learned about this, I've always been there offering a ear to listen, drive her to the hospital, wake or funeral to help ease her stress. However, with that said, her contact much less than normal, well, it is just a shock to me. I do not know if it is the shock of the death, the overwork at her job (psychologist), stress, or just me over analyzing things.
Get that completely. Just get a feeling inside that something is wrong. I'm thinking she's just coming over cause she already agreed to come last week.
I also tend to REALLY over think things. Trying to stop, but it is very hard to do..
I totally understand where you are coming from. When my husband and I had been dating a short while - two of his friends were killed. It was awful. I'm a very extroverted person and when I go through something awful - I cry, talk, and like to be held. My husband is the exact opposite. He holds things inside and distances himself. I kept reaching out to him and he kept pushing me away. I tried not to take it personally but it made me feel like he didn't want to be with me anymore. This was not the case at all - but because we handle things differently, it was hard for me to make sense of things. Eventually, we talked about everything and we both felt much better.
Just give her time and be patient. Everyone deals with death differently - and when you are the one trying to be there for the other person but not the one directly affected by it - it can feel like you are being pushed away. Just weather the storm and I'm sure you'll be fine.
It sounds like you're doing all the right things. She sounds like she's trying really hard not to lean on you (I gather, from her insistence to contribute to a meal that is supposed to be about making her feel better). I'm a lot like that sometimes. If I hurt, I really don't like to be a burden to other people. She's also a psychologist? Think about how hard that must be. She's lost a friend and probably analyzing herself to see if she's working through things the way she should, while trying to compartmentalize and do the best she can at work. I'm sure every time the subject of death comes up with a client, she has at least a little difficulty. She seems like she's really just trying to deal with this on her own.
Taking her mind off things sounds like the perfect plan. I second the massage idea- it can do wonders and she'll feel appreciated. I think it might be enough to get her back into the real world, and maybe realize that she's being distant. I'm sure she doesn't mean to, but some people close off when they're wounded. If she's not into massages (though I doubt that), then look into booking a few hours at a spa for her. You can probably even have it by tonight, and I guarantee she'll realize that you're a keeper. Also, chocolate. You can never go wrong..
Yep, tried the spa and message before, she isn't into that. I just got her a surprise gift, just because a couple of weeks ago. Nothing expensive, but she loved it. Also brought over flowers a couple times too. Rather than doing it when just expected, I thought doing something unexpected is even better. Can't do the chocolates now, as she's sworn off sweets until Easter. After that, maybe surprise her at work with something. Not really liking to do that too much, as it sets a tone of a gift here and a gift there. Rather do that at random... Plus, we're going next month to Las Vegas on our six month anniversary, split 50/50. Not Bill Gates here, so I am doing the best I can.
Yep, tried the spa and message before, she isn't into that. I just got her a surprise gift, just because a couple of weeks ago. Nothing expensive, but she loved it. Also brought over flowers a couple times too. Rather than doing it when just expected, I thought doing something unexpected is even better. Can't do the chocolates now, as she's sworn off sweets until Easter. After that, maybe surprise her at work with something. Not really liking to do that too much, as it sets a tone of a gift here and a gift there. Rather do that at random... Plus, we're going next month to Las Vegas on our six month anniversary, split 50/50. Not Bill Gates here, so I am doing the best I can.
Awww!! You're a keeper- I hope everything works out for you!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
