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Old 05-12-2013, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
38,967 posts, read 27,347,154 times
Reputation: 15909

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DivineComedy View Post
I, recently, had a similar situation. I didn't ask her out and stick her with the bill, but I brought it up and we've been about 50/50 since.


You’re on a date, and suddenly, the guy starts divvying up what you owe (including tip and tax). He might just be a modern, progressive man, but somehow you can’t help but feel … cheated.
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Old 05-12-2013, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
38,967 posts, read 27,347,154 times
Reputation: 15909
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36 View Post
i paid for my boyfriend and i's first date. We are happily together two years later. I paid for more when he was still in grad school, now he pulls his weight, if not slightly more than i do. We still try to alternate every other date, but don't get hung up on it.

I buy things if it's just more convenient while he's at work, for example, concert tickets or something.

we really don't think of it. I think if one of us was short on cash which hasn't happened yet, we'd say "let's not go out tonight" or we would take care of each other.

Even though he makes 30k more/year than me i'll still get him gifts and pay for dates my fair share.

I also hate feeling "in debt" and i want him to feel special, just as i do. He cooks amazing meals for me when i come home from work (when he visits), does his dishes, and will do his laundry if he's staying more than a few days.

It works for us. It's nice having a mutual relationship because neither of us has ever wondered the others intentions.

He likes to treat me (us) nice on special occasions and usually treats since it' important to him, but we never get anything astronomical. He's seen me at my worst and he's amazingly thoughtful. I'm a lucky girl.

people shouldn't think about it so much. In my view, if you are in love, you won't hold it against a man who doesn't pay for you. To me, it's a sign of respect. I'm also lucky in that my boyfriend has an amazing amount of respect for me and shows me in ways far greater than money. Distance relationships ain't easy. When i was in the "early" stages of dating any of my previous men, i usually like to be mutual as well since i hate the "in debt" feeling and i want to pull my weight. I was also never big into casual dating. Who knows, maybe that helped me in the end.
exactly!

Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 05-12-2013 at 08:13 AM..
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Old 05-12-2013, 04:30 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 7,705,348 times
Reputation: 3136
Default lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post


You’re on a date, and suddenly, the guy starts divvying up what you owe (including tip and tax). He might just be a modern, progressive man, but somehow you can’t help but feel … cheated.
With you young lady that would be an understatement or insult lol. I go on dates because there are things i value or appreciate about these ladies. I pay because i want to show i value or appreciate those traits(dont tell them that lol), much like paying to get into a museum to enjoy a piece of art. Do i pay everytime? Sure i don't mind, as long as my budget can handle it lol. Is it my duty to pay everytime because im a man? Hell no, and when this has been brought up by dates or gfs(and it has) i usually end paying or dating that person because there is no appreciation for it anymore. Do i ever think its my duty? Never had because i just paid, nor would i care if it was. Atitude and appreciation goes along way with me.
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Old 05-12-2013, 04:46 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 7,705,348 times
Reputation: 3136
but im like that with everything i do its about appreciatation and love, if its writting poety, making compliments, paying for dates etc. Also i don't mind ladies paying either(its happens, but not alot ) O.p it can be difficult and uncomfortable to bring that stuff up. I usually wait intell after i know its no longer casual dating, when ppl start talking about what they really value or looking for in a relationship. Hope thats helpful. and yes it looks like you need that talk.

Last edited by hawaiian by heart; 05-12-2013 at 04:55 PM..
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Old 05-12-2013, 05:57 PM
 
1,065 posts, read 1,307,771 times
Reputation: 729
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
False.

"Human reproduction is any form of sexual reproduction resulting in the conception of a child, typically involving sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. "
Human reproduction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Meh...sort of.
Certainly we can agree that the woman incubates the fetus

Quote:
Personal attack redacted
Quote:
Define "misogynistic history of male/female relationships"
Are you that unaware of history?
I recommend this book.


Quote:
Your expectation is not obnoxious, it is the way you getting your point across obnoxious. I think you should know it by now.
Beauty, and obnoxiousness, are in the eye of the beholder.


Quote:
Men paying for women on dates because they enjoy their company, and view it as a kind gesture.
Why should women not pay for men on dates because they enjoy their company and view it as a kind gesture?

Where did the tradition the man paying come from?
This is an important question. Do you know the answer?

Quote:
I personally am fine with the gender role traditions, as long as they're consistently applied.
I'm not.


Quote:
Politics aside , we are still neurologically hardwired to ancient patterns around the rituals of mating. Men 'provide', women choose to accept, then provide back at greater cost to her physical being (progeny). Most animals, the more complex ones, perform this type of mating ritual. It's a give and take. It's when people start dumping their issues, biases and neuroses into the mix that things get screwed up.
Provide evidence that we are hardwired to these rituals and they are not the result of our misogynistic history.
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Old 05-12-2013, 05:59 PM
 
1,065 posts, read 1,307,771 times
Reputation: 729
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post


You’re on a date, and suddenly, the guy starts divvying up what you owe (including tip and tax). He might just be a modern, progressive man, but somehow you can’t help but feel … cheated.
I wouldn't date a man but if I were on a date with a woman and she said "the theater tickets were $20" I wouldn't feel cheated at all as I handed her my fair share.
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Old 05-12-2013, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
3,674 posts, read 3,018,002 times
Reputation: 5466
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolVa1977 View Post
Most gentlemen that ask me out pay. I can pay because I have money but if a man asks me to pay foru food most likely it will not be another date
So what do you contribute to the relationship? or is it just take, take take.
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Old 05-12-2013, 06:09 PM
 
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
3,674 posts, read 3,018,002 times
Reputation: 5466
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Whomever does the "asking" for the date pays. If YOU ask him to take you to a concert, or out to dinner, or something, then fine, you can pay, but if it is his idea, he foots the bill.

20yrsinBranson

I agree with this ^^^ also
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Old 05-12-2013, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
3,674 posts, read 3,018,002 times
Reputation: 5466
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieLL View Post
here in the city i live in (or maybe the circle i move in) its NORMAL to split everything 50/50. Maybe if a guy asks you out hell pay the first dinner, but then it will be 50/50. Its only fair, we as women have the same capicity that men have to make money, so i dont see why they have to pay for everything.
In 7 years with my boyfriend, we always went dinner and split 50/50.
I see you're from Argentina, and I agree with you also, but in america for some reason, it's still supposed to be one sided even though equality is all the rage there LOL. Dating in america is, well, IDK I'm just glad I moved to Oz LOL
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Old 05-12-2013, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,073,504 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeaveWI View Post
So what do you contribute to the relationship? or is it just take, take take.
Just out of curiosity - what does anyone contribute to a relationship besides money. It seems that many view money as the only thing anyone contributes.
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