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What you said there in quotations is something you need to look at. Who in your childhood does this remind you of? No need to answer here, but get the book (from a library, if you want) and start reading.
You know what, you are exactly right. For a long time, in the back of my mind, I have felt that my relationship with him has mirrored the relationship I had with a parental figure and he even reminds me of the person in some ways. It haunts me.
I changed the link because I forgot that I'm not supposed to link to amazon. At any rate, you're going to be in a whole lot healthier place after you've read that book. Drop that guy like a hot coal.
Well, I have been broken up with my ex for a year now, but we stopped talking only two months ago by my choice and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
It was a long distance relationship. He left me pregnant and told me he would not be held responsible for anything and promptly vanished. I am not one of those girls who thinks if you get pregnant, you can keep the man. That's not me... and I would never do such a thing. It was an accident and I was on the pill.
He called to apologize only 5 months after I suffered a painful miscarriage at 4 months. He was never there for me and ignored me when I tried to contact him during my high stress pregnancy.
I accepted his apology. Maybe that was foolish of me. He was not calling to try and get back together. He said he was truly sorry, however, he went on to tell a sob story of how his life was ruined, he lost his cushy job and he was homeless (he made over 150k a year and lived in a very expensive area). He knew I was still in love with him. He called me and spent more time talking to me than he did when we were a couple. I felt like we were falling in love again.
I made it clear that I could not continue talking to him and have a friendship with him because I was still in love with him. He said that he couldn't be with anyone at the moment because he needed to get his life together, but that maybe one day we could be together again when he got his life together (career, etc).
I found out only a few weeks later that he was in Milan, Italy. No broke person I know has money to travel to Milan. I was very upset. He called me every day while he was there to apologize. I wouldn't take his calls. He had an excuse, of course.
Then one day he said he had no feelings for me so out of the blue. He didn't even consider how it would effect me. He said he would love to be my friend. He had obviously ignored everything I ever said.
I feel hopeless and lost. I have never loved a person this way... and yet I know I sound like I have real issues to love a person who has done this to me. He was also probably a bit emotionally abusive, but sometimes I think maybe I deserved it or annoyed him... he can't stand being asked questions. I always felt I had to walk on eggshells... and yet I spend every day depressed and missing him. I don't want to live like this anymore.
I tried counseling and the counselor was terrible... so terrible that she was fired. So please don't suggest counseling.. I'm not open to it right now.
I think I'm a hardhearted person because the minute he dumped me and refused to take responsibility for the pregnancy, there would be no love left. I'd be saying good riddance to bad rubbish. I wish you luck in getting through this.
Luna, don't feel foolish. I know I've made a complete fool of myself because I'm still in love with an ex-wife who abandoned me 2 years ago. My situation was way different, and I don't think you can blame yourself for this. As for me, I was a terrible communicator and she left. Thats the short story. Granted, that may not be a reason to abandon a marriage, but I still feel responsible. People tell me to stop beating myself up (which I haven't been able to do), and I'm going to tell you the same.
I also can't be friends with my ex-wife, and she lives about 5 miles from me. I lost all our friends in the divorce, and nobody talks to me. If I treated her the way your ex treated you, I could understand it, but I didn't. I can't talk to her and I can't stop thinking about her. So I get it. It "should" get easier with time. I know hearing that sucks, believe me I know.
Counseling hasn't worked for me either. I can recommend a good book though, called "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" by Bruce Fisher. Amazing this book was written by 2 men. Its a great book on the stages of grief and recovery.
Very nice and touching contribution Atlguy. All the best to you and the OP. ...lazy repped
That garbled post was most likely a spam post, it is the only post made from a "Newbie", and this thread is from years ago and was resurrected by the spam post. Please let this one die or DM the OP and ask her to post an update.
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