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I don't think my friend's statement meant that people should settle and marry people without love (eros and/or agapi). I feel that his comment is being misinterpreted by some posters. Rather, that love should not be the basis for choosing a spouse.
I don't think my friend's statement meant that people should settle and marry people without love (eros and/or agapi). I feel that his comment is being misinterpreted by some posters. Rather, that love should not be the basis for choosing a spouse.
I don't think my friend's statement meant that people should settle and marry people without love (eros and/or agapi). I feel that his comment is being misinterpreted by some posters. Rather, that love should not be the basis for choosing a spouse.
It should be one of the reasons for choosing a spouse then?
The only thing I disagree with is the common implication that young love isn't "true" or is just lust. I think it's true
You just have to wait it out and see if it transforms into anything else... Unfortunately, many of us have been already married when we figure it hasn't. Then again, it's not that love itself is gone... it's just that the incompatibilities and annoyance take over... And you can't possibly know how you'll mesh with somebody until you're really married (no, living together doesn't exactly count; the “piece of paper” tends to change things; many who have lived together for years divorce in less than a year after getting married). It's a Catch 22... There's nothing you can do to know for sure beforehand. As we say back in St. Olaf, you just reach into the bag full of snakes and you hope you pull out one that's not too venomous!
One solution - let the bloom fade off the rose and see if you are still gaga about this person. That might actually mean getting to know each other for a few years before marrying. *gasp*
It should be one of the reasons for choosing a spouse then?
The way I understood it, he's saying that you can choose whom to love. So why not assess someone's character first, making sure that you have compatible values, goals, and priorities before surrendering to those crazy love feelings.
One solution - let the bloom fade off the rose and see if you are still gaga about this person. That might actually mean getting to know each other for a few years before marrying. *gasp*
That is how serial monogamy works. Infatuation can last for several years (I've read studies stating that infatuation can last up to 4 years or more). That is a lot of your life to give to another person hoping for the best while waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Then you move on to the next hottie that you have sparks with and give that relationship another few years of your life. Rinse. Later. Repeat.
I believe these two posts should be connected in order to understand love. So far, the discussion points out two kinds of love, rational and irrational.
I am attracted to this man and I cannot explain why the next guy does not attract me. That initial attraction may be the romantic, sexual kind of attraction which I am guessing is instinct based. We don't know why we do the things we do but we do them anyway.
To me, Max's mama's first post explains "reaction" to the initial action which can make or break a relationship. It was pointed out that a marriage of understanding sounds like a therapist/patient relationship. This kind of relationship will last until the patient knows everything the therapist knows. Then the relationship has to be taken to another level or it needs to end.
However, another meaning can be derived from a relationship of understanding. That kind of relationship takes into account that other people make decisions that we cannot always understand. We can ask for the thought process to try to understand. However, what is important is our reaction, again something we may or may not understand.
Do our rational or irritational actions and reactions cause us to lose respect for each other? Does our respect stay the same? Does our respect increase?
Losing respect for a person may not necessarily mean that intelligence is not matched in the relationship. Rather, it might mean that I am too closed minded, too sensitive or insecure.
If respect increases it is often a sign of open mindedness, an ability to break down boundaries as long as the important ones are not crossed and ability to learn new things. However, the opposite may be true in that respect may increase simply because the relationship is teacher/student based. The end result will be no different than a therapist/patient relationship.
So therefore, what is love? I really don't know after writing all of this.
Very insightful, philosopher Crisan.
On a serious note, you have brought out some interesting points, I need to ponder on this a little. Relationship of understanding does include the understanding that he may not always understand me since I cannot always understand myself. And that comes with being open-minded.
Recently a wise man whom I have a lot of respect for made a statement to me that I haven't been able to put out of my mind. He said "Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage."
Let's discuss this. Do you agree?
Anyone who believes that crock of s@#$ has never been "in" the real deal (love).
On a serious note, you have brought out some interesting points, I need to ponder on this a little. Relationship of understanding does include the understanding that he may not always understand me since I cannot always understand myself. And that comes with being open-minded.
LOL! I have been called that before and was hoping to rid myself of that label.
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