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We don't aspire to it. There are 2 groups of people with larger brains - geniuses and mentally retarded - and you certainly don't belong to the former group.
To answer the OP's question ("Why does it seem that alot of women complain they can't find a decent man?"), it would seem that the answer, based on recent posts, is:
...because women don't return calls to decent men who leave them a decent message.
Threre's nothing wrong with the message Cdubs left. He sounds perfectly gentlemanly and interested. He is the decent man that women complain they can't find. As he pointed out, returning his call would not only be the courteous thing to do, it would also serve to open up the lines of communication so that any uncertainty about interest would be resolved. It's not necessary for him to be the smooth, expert alpha womanizer in every phone call. Maybe he's busy in his career to the point where he doesn't have time to go to "alpha male voice message" classes. To beat the guy up for this is a bit much.
If Cdubs leaves a second message that's more flirty or has a more specific invitation, and she returns his call, that either proves that she needed a better message, or, it proves that she needed to be hounded a bit before getting around to returning his call. Or who knows what it proves.
Also, some have commented on his bitter attitude, and that he's seeing women in an unequal way (e.g., they lose value over time, while his goes up). I think what some people are missing is that this is after a long stretch of making a sincere effort to find a relationship of equals, only to find women who are disrespectful and unreliable. I think his point is that if they don't want a sincere relationship of equals, then there's no point to keep offering that. If they want to be dealt with in an unequal way, then he can do it too. Perhaps it's reasonable.
I think Cdubs story is significant in that it's not just his experience, but the experience of a lot of decent men these days. I think it's gotten worse over time. I'm not sure why, but I posted something about the "Provider/Stud" complex earlier in this thread. I get the impression that, in recent decades, women have developed an increasingly sharp fixation on two types of guys, Mr. Studly Steroid (e.g., the neanderthal), and Mr. Paycheck Provider (e.g., the high-powered executive). Therefore, a lot of decent men who don't "fit the profile", especially ones in their 20s, are getting increasingly ignored. And that's why their phone messages aren't getting returned. It has very little to do with what's in the message.
This problem seems particularly severe in the U.S., or perhaps the Anglosphere, and in northern Europe as well (or so I've read from others). So one strategy might be to find a country where a sense of normalcy has not yet been destroyed.
Another thing I'd recommend to Cdubs is to find a men's group of some kind, as there's a lot of value men can get from each other by learning about what works in each others' lives. In a forum like this, nobody can really get to know you, people will make irrelevant comments, and will pick on you and "pile on" for silly reasons (as you've noticed by now).
And to the women who are being picky and piling on, I would suggest that it would be more constructive for you to educate each other, and your daughters, your nieces, etc., in recognizing what a decent man looks like.
Hint: it's guys like Cdubs, who leave messages like the one he left.
Regarding the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hans63
The above posters probably mean well, but the fact is, they don't know whether what they're saying is true or not. Unless you're God, you can't make predictions about another person's life, or say with 100% certainty that "if you do X, then you'll get Y." How do I know?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
I have experienced it, as have many other people. Obviously there is no tried and true formula for finding a mate, but certain circumstances create a perfect storm.
Not looking desperate + being a pretty well rounded nice person = pretty sure to find someone.
Yes, there are many people for whom that equation holds true. There are many for whom it does not. It's like saying, "getting a degree + being presentable in an interview = getting the kind of job and salary you want."
I would agree if we say "increases your chances." I do not agree if we say, "if you do X, you will get Y." The posts I was responding to were phrased as the latter. My point is that those posts were inaccurate. There are many people who did X and did not get Y. So what, they aren't people? Their experience doesn't count? It's a little impolite to marginalize people whose lives violate the cliches that make you feel good.
For more examples, see the post from Sprawling_Homeowner in this thread. I'm just saying that it's more compassionate to recognize the legitimacy of such persons and their experiences (and there are a lot of them), rather than to marginalize them while promoting cute cliches.
And I would add that equations such as the above hold true in some countries better than others (as I mentioned, ones where a sense of normalcy has not been destroyed yet). In some places, just having a decent job, and being basically friendly, will (far more than here) bring dating opportunities. There, you don't have to be some kind of expert womanizer. Work is work, and dating is more relaxed. That seems more normal to me.
Regarding the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hans63
In other words, Russian women are attracted to guys who are so insecure they have to go around making a big show of how "manly" and "dominant" they are. Same as American women, only more extreme.
Quote:
Originally Posted by d-boy-80
I really believe you have no clue what you are talking about. Russian women are not that friendly especially compared to American women. You may want to clear your cognitive dissonance before you comment again(that won't happen though).
I was just adding some clarification to your comment about Russian women's "bad boy" fixation. My clarification is consistent with what is widely known about "bad boy" fixations. Your response, on the other hand, adds no clarification relevant to that topic. In fact, your resorting to ad hominem (look it up) shows nothing other than that you feel uncomfortable with my remark. In that case, I suggest you do yourself a favor and look up 'cognitive dissonance', and also 'projection' while you're at it.
Or alternatively, you can just post to assert your superiority (again), and give us the opportunity to bow to your vastly superior experience and expertise, and bask in your all-knowing glow of brilliance.
Competition, high expectations, too picky, not being aggressive. Maybe they are just waiting for a guy to approach and hardly anyone does, not outgoing.
To get something, you have to pursue. Its a process of elimination.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
Is it really to do with the quality of the men out there or are they simply too picky, holding out for something which does not exist or is so rare in real life? Their criteria often sounds simple enough: someone caring, kind, funny, smart blah blah, these traits aren't exactly rare, yet women complain they can't find Mr. Right or even get a decent date. Fellas, doesn't that annoy you somewhat? They complain because out of the dozens of suitors none meets their lofty standards (or rather, they ***** and moan about the last three when they knew they were getting themselves into ) while a lot of guys can't even find a woman to be abusive to him? lol
Or maybe the other answer, that what you see on TV isn't a real reflection on real life, and is full of women who think they don't really need men, yet constantly whine and complain that they can't find that special someone.
OK cupid has an interesting feature in that it color codes the frequency with which a user responds to messages sent to him/her. The trend is jaw-dropping. Almost exclusively, most attractive women fell under "extremely selective" when it came to replies. These women were not all 9s either. Turn the tables and all men, to include men I consider way above these womens' league looks wise, and without exception men all fell under "replies often". So the idea that men aren't pursuing doesn't pan out. They are. Women are just out of their minds. They over-value their dating worth. They are their own enemy. This feature exposes these tendencies wide open. Guess what, having "replies very selectively" on your profile is NOT going to get you the results you want. I certainly won't. Willingness to engage is an incredibly valuable quality in courting, for "decent men". If we don't see a willingness to engage, we won't pursue. Simple as that. Nobody owes you attention. Nobody.
D-boy, why do you think that having kids is the only love there is? Not all kids love their parents. Some hate them. There's no guarantee that kids will love you or always visit you when you're old, which is part of the reason I'm not having any.
OK cupid has an interesting feature in that it color codes the frequency with which a user responds to messages sent to him/her. The trend is jaw-dropping. Almost exclusively, most attractive women fell under "extremely selective" when it came to replies. These women were not all 9s either. Turn the tables and all men, to include men I consider way above these womens' league looks wise, and without exception men all fell under "replies often". So the idea that men aren't pursuing doesn't pan out. They are. Women are just out of their minds. They over-value their dating worth. They are their own enemy. This feature exposes these tendencies wide open. Guess what, having "replies very selectively" on your profile is NOT going to get you the results you want. I certainly won't. Willingness to engage is an incredibly valuable quality in courting, for "decent men". If we don't see a willingness to engage, we won't pursue. Simple as that. Nobody owes you attention. Nobody.
Most of those women are extremely unrealistic, also I have observed that this is a pre dominant attitude amongst American women, I find women from other nations who settled down in the US to be much more friendly and open in this regard, they atleast venture out and make friends with people that send them nice messages instead of shooting them down straightaway, I find most American women on those websites to be having a "princess syndrome", they expect that some prince charming with a multi million dollar McMansion and a sports car with a fat wallet would come drooling to them over their physical beauty, which is hardly ever the case.
Also, most young American women are brought up thinking that only the physical beauty is what defines them and that they needn't develop other qualities to attract quality men, that's one reason they are so extremely selective, they automatically think they will get the best just because they can look good in their make up, LOL. I have often seen these women falling for a man who is more often than not, quite the contrary of their prince charming, a lot of them get used and abused and then realize the folly of thinking the whole world revolves around them just because of their looks, I counsel a lot of these kind of women on a daily basis.
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Decent man found: it's Cdubs.
) while a lot of guys can't even find a woman to be abusive to him? lol
