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The answer to this question is simple...women in America are terrible at choosing their men. It all starts when they are younger they aren't taught to value a good guy or how to recognize a bad apple. They don't choose men they're actually compatible with they choose guys based on stuff like how much money they make or what their job title is. Women actually worry about personality less than men do....yet men are the ones that are considered to be the more shallow gender...that's so laughable.
I agree with you. I think the breakdown of the family is a lot to blame for this. When a woman is raised with a strong father, she has the tools to choose a man of good character and with values that mirror her own. If she did not have a good male role model, she is not equipt as well.
1. There are over 300 million people in this country. (Poodwaddle 2011 World Clock) Generalizing half of the population leads to nothing but bickering. These stereotypes that people throw around are grounded in truth for MAYBE one out of ten people.
2. Pursuit of a suitor based on looks alone is childish. Claiming looks don't matter at all is naive. We are all visual creatures. If someone isn't nice to look at, why would we want to spend the rest of our days with them? At the same time, though, if one person lets those extra 10 lbs or 2 inches be a deal breaker they need to reevaluate their priorities not only for success in dating but also success in leading a happy and fulfilling life.
3. It's hard to accuse one gender of being more superficial than the other. EACH gender is more superficial than the other. Extrasuperficiality is a glaring sign of immaturity. If you think that a man/woman goes only for the prettiest/most handsome people, why would you want to be with that person? A person who becomes bitter because "the prettier ones get all the attention" is surely looking in all the wrong places. Finding someone who recognizes character above all else can be difficult, but bitter people don't have much character.
You do have a point. Everytime I go out I'm sure to see a fit and skinny guy with an overweight woman. But you hardly see it the other way around. Hell even overweight women don't want to be seen with overweight men.
Touche' I was talking to a woman I know fairly well about this recently. She's fairly heavy but pretty and carries herself well and is never lacking for men. "I said Melissa, I have never seen you with a big guy in all of your relationships". She flat out said "I'm not attracted to heavy men and besides two big people don't fit well together during sex". I guess when you look at it that way it's understandable.
I'm sure there are plenty of big guys that feel the same way towards woman though. Whether they get dates with thin woman who knows?
I wanted a serious relationship and I kept meeting guys that wanted something casual, unattached, no-strings, no-labels, call-you-whenever, mainly physical/sexual, short-term or open relationships.
I found so few that actually wanted exclusivity or to be a boyfriend. Thank goodness my husband (another person not into casual flings) finally came along and I got out of the game.
Touche' I was talking to a woman I know fairly well about this recently. She's fairly heavy but pretty and carries herself well and is never lacking for men. "I said Melissa, I have never seen you with a big guy in all of your relationships". She flat out said "I'm not attracted to heavy men and besides two big people don't fit well together during sex". I guess when you look at it that way it's understandable.
I'm sure there are plenty of big guys that feel the same way towards woman though. Whether they get dates with thin woman who knows?
This woman you're talking about has hit her head. What a nerve. I digress. And for the record, no lack of male attention does NOT mean any of these men actually intend to pursue her as a life partner. That she's probably privately aware of. I know plenty of heavyset women who get attention by being sexually allowing, and they constantly bemoan why the courting never last more than a couple months tops. There's your sign.
As to the general theme of the above. I can vouch for this dynamic. I was married to an overweight woman while I am of athletic build. I wasn't happy about her being overweight. I settled. It crashed and burned. Turns out she was as lazy and entitled on the inside as on the outside. People ask me how I managed to mitigate my lack of desire for her body and still enter into a relationship with her. The simple and honest truth? I found redeeming value in the fact she had a cute face. That's it. Obviously this was the WRONG thing to do, philosophy-of-life-wise, but a LOT of women fall on that category.
Had I had been 40lbs overweight like she was, oh brother, I would have never got a second look. Women have a ridiculous double standard when it comes to weight and "expectations of acceptance". As I mentioned before, my observation of women as potential mates has really settled into two main, equally undesirable camps: The overweight women with pretty faces, or the hot/tight/shapely attractive bodied women with "butterfaces". The women with attractive bodies AND pretty faces, well those are the ones that have so much attention coming their way, unless you're willing to pay for it, you're not going to keep her attention for very long. Sad as it is, that is predominantly the American female landscape.
My argument of course is, you can't do anything for the hot bodied girl with the bear trap for a face. But the fat girl with the pretty face can quit her entitlement and work her body back into a sexually desirable size and shape. Of course, the moral hazard is that a girl that was once fat, will yo yo back into it. Life is no guarantee, but predispositions matter, as it pertains to mitigating future unhappiness. A girl that has maintained a shapely body in her 20s will likely do so in her 30s; a woman who struggled in her 20s with weight is pretty much screwed, because it doesn't get any easier as the metabolic rate slows.
Alas, you need to want that for yourself, no amount of third party input is going to give you that ultimate incentive for self-discipline. I ain't settling for those two aforementioned specimens though, and that severely shrinks the dating pool (second to single motherhood). It's bad enough when big ticket items of compatibility have to be met, adding sexual lack of desire from the GET GO is a sure fire way of failing.
I'm not sure why, but I posted something about the "Provider/Stud" complex earlier in this thread. I get the impression that, in recent decades, women have developed an increasingly sharp fixation on two types of guys, Mr. Studly Steroid (e.g., the neanderthal), and Mr. Paycheck Provider (e.g., the high-powered executive).
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ
This quintessential dilemma has existed everywhere since the beginning of times and it's not about to go away, either. Also, it's not any different than men being torn between wanting the looks of an empty-headed bimbo and the virtues of a barefoot pregnant wife cleaning and cooking all day.
Yes, that's why I made the comparison to the Madonna/VVhore complex. Both are bipolar fixations.
What's different is the proportion of women vs. men who have gone to the extremes of this fixation. It seems that women have exceeded men in this regard. I can't back that up scientifically, but we can make observations, e.g., some in this thread have noted that it's a lot more common to see a fit man with a fat woman than the other way around.
For me, if a woman is an airhead, that's an immediate disqualifier.
As to the general theme of the above. I can vouch for this dynamic. I was married to an overweight woman while I am of athletic build. I wasn't happy about her being overweight. I settled. It crashed and burned. Turns out she was as lazy and entitled on the inside as on the outside. People ask me how I managed to mitigate my lack of desire for her body and still enter into a relationship with her. The simple and honest truth? I found redeeming value in the fact she had a cute face. That's it. Obviously this was the WRONG thing to do, philosophy-of-life-wise, but a LOT of women fall on that category.
Maybe hence your nic on here?
AND I didn't copy the whole post, but I want to add that someone besides me uses the word "Alas"? WOW....
Yes, that's why I made the comparison to the Madonna/VVhore complex. Both are bipolar fixations.
What's different is the proportion of women vs. men who have gone to the extremes of this fixation. It seems that women have exceeded men in this regard. I can't back that up scientifically, but we can make observations, e.g., some in this thread have noted that it's a lot more common to see a fit man with a fat woman than the other way around.
For me, if a woman is an airhead, that's an immediate disqualifier.
I see both equally. There are more overweight men than women in the US in all age ranges (tho, more obese women in the overweight category). But, when just considering fit vs overweight, it doesn't matter. The fact that women gain weight due to pregnancy it's surprising that more men are overweight. So, I'm sensing a bit of delusional hypocrisy here. You can read about it here.
I see both equally. There are more overweight men than women in the US in all age ranges (tho, more obese women in the overweight category). But, when just considering fit vs overweight, it doesn't matter. The fact that women gain weight due to pregnancy it's surprising that more men are overweight. So, I'm sensing a bit of delusional hypocrisy here. You can read about it here.
I admitted that my comment was not scientific. Your observation is also valid. But just because your observation is different from others in this thread doesn't mean that their observations are false. Calling them delusional hypocrites, just for reporting what they observed, is a bit much.
Also, since you want to point out that there are more overweight men than women in society, then it would seem, just averaging out the numbers, that we ought to see more fat men with fit women than the other way around. But since nobody is seeing that (not even you, according to your first sentence), this point actually supports those who want to argue that the women are more fixated on image and such.
From an older thread, here are some other interesting (and non-scientific) observations on this topic, in case anyone wants to read them. I've never heard that things were this bad, say, 50 years ago (were they?), so this is another reason to surmise that women have moved more than men toward the above-mentioned bipolar extremes in recent decades.
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Originally Posted by Jay F
I have heard that in church singles groups you often have this situation...The men are the "good guy" types, most were never married and pased over when they were younger while the women have lot's of baggage from their younger bad boy phase. Some men are interested in the women with baggage, others are not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
Yep. Dead on. I've sarged the church groups. Yours is a VERY accurate description. I would only add that the women have little to no interest in the nice guys, so it really doesn't matter if the "pased over" (sic) men are interested in them or not.
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