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Dewdrop93, you must have the patience of a saint to be responding to these offensive posts with so much grace.
You are going to be a fantastic mom.
Dewdrop is certainly wise. As she so aptly put it in a previous post, her experience colors her perspective. The perspective wildly differs between men and women, especially when the men are in the lonely hearts club.
It seems like most of these comments aren't meant to be offensive though. Dissonance is a perfectly healthy part of a discussion.
So? Is any of what I write inaccurate? No, it's just uncomfortable to read for people who would rather not take some of the blame for their own difficulties.
It's a false statement that people are not taking some of the blame for their own difficulties. They already know they need to find a way to improve something. The evidence is their stories of the efforts they are making and continue to make, and that they have already been trying different things over time. They are already taking responsibility, and to insinuate that they are not with your "common denominator" patronizing is insulting.
You say you're tired of hearing certain things over and over (in the previous post). Guess what: the common denominator in these unpleasant feelings is you.
You say you're uncomfortable (above) and are tired of hearing certain things over and over (in the previous post). Guess what: the common denominator in these unpleasant feelings is you.
Well, that's certainly true. Too much time reading online forums
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, but realize that people are going to accept their own experiences that counter your own.
As I said to you in another post or thread somewhere, if none of this applies to you then you shouldn't worry about it. You really shouldn't personalize some of the guys' opinions just because it's directed towards a percentage of the female population. Criticizing some women doesn't mean they are bashing all of them. Sure, there are both woman haters and man haters on this forum, but reading between the lines, most of the ones who are assigned the "bitter man" label are really just sharing unpopular (yet valid) opinions.
You have to realize, there really are men out there who have been rejected for years by women and then all of a sudden have tons of female attention in their late 20s or 30s. Upon further inspection, they learn these women dated nothing but jerks in their younger years but now want a responsible guy to marry or help raise the kids they created with the jerks. It can't be a conspiracy, since I hear this from men from all walks of life, in real life in different cities and states, and online, on various types of websites with various audiences. If you aren't that type of woman and didn't reject all decent guys in favor of jerks, they aren't talking about you.
It's kind of how some black posters get mad on these forums when posters discuss black males committing crimes. Hearing someone talk about that doesn't bother me, even though I'm a black male, because I'm not a criminal. I may submit statistics and facts in areas where they are wrong, but I never take it personally.
Damn I wish I could have repped you twice, beautifully written post.
Its no surprise that a mangina or a white knight find posts like that offensive. Women love to complain about no good men being out there without taking a look at themselves. In reality, no one wants a woman with a cavernous box. If you have a reputation for being loose, I have one word that I think all men should adopt "bye" (and if your over 35 "Deuces!"). I'm a big advocate of men dating, (and if they want to) marrying much younger women. No one wants to deal with a ****, yet the reality is that they're rewarded for this behavior without penalty. What's worse is the damage these complaining women do when they have illegitimate spawns and they expect that "nice guy" to be their meal ticket, GTFOH!
Reality of this is, don't pay these women any mind. When you see their facebook, BBM, twitter, statuses...pay them no mind. When your on a date setting them up for the pump and dump, ignore what they're saying. Just get in and get out.
I hope to cause people to look within themselves vs blaming others. You shouldn't change fundamentally. My whole point is that perhaps you need to change your social environment, your social circle, where you meet the opposite sex, et al. Most importantly, you need to learn how to decipher character and learn how to do so quickly. This is the general you, not you cdubs in particular.
I guess I'm tired of women and men complaining about lack of decent people when they really mean "lack of decent people who are attractive to me and compatible with me".
I'm eating lunch so that's all I got for now.
I agree, you have to expand your horizons and try to meet people different ways to hope and try to meet someone who not only finds you attractive, but is available, interested in you, and compatible. It's a tall order in of itself, you make it sound like it's no big task.
For me personally, here's the attempts I've made to meet new women so far:
- met plenty in college, parties, I was an orientation leader 3 years, AMA, intramural sports, classes
- friends of friends, yet being in Chicago I'm finding it's harder as I get older. groups of friends of people are narrowing down, and as people are getting married, so are all their friends, and of my married/engaged friends, I guess I just have bad luck being a part of weddings with very few single/available/semi-attractive bachelorettes to meet. It's just the way it is. (When I say semi-attractive, I mean within 5 years of my age, and does not weigh more than I do).
- Online dating: did this for years, had many frustrations early of going on multiple dates with women only to have them disappear with no explanation. Drove me to therapy. Met a gf I dated 5 months, broke my heart. Now I can't get a response or a date to save my life. Disabled my account.
- Speed dating: tried it, not enough people, it was a joke, no one took it seriously, not that it was supposed to be super serious but it wasn't even fun.
- Meet up groups: I tried some meet up groups of things I'm interested in hoping to find like-minded females....only found dudes. Met some new friends so that was worth it, but not even female friends.
- Asking random girls for numbers: whether at the coffee shop, at a restaurant/bar, concerts, fun events, parties, art shows, garden walks, book stores.....I've gotten plenty of numbers, too many to count, yet not a SINGLE ONE answered or returned my phone call. To this day it still happens, I don't know what else I can do to improve that. Many of the women on this forum would argue I didn't leave a good enough voicemail but that's another thread.
I probably could try some other things to improve my chances of meeting women...but I don't want to. I don't have the time. I'm burnt out now. I've given up on the idea, I don't dream of the future, I think of what will make me happy right now. I live for the moment, I spend money like it's devaluing by the minute, and I do what I feel like whenever I feel like it. I work hard at my job, I have great friends, I have many hobbies and I work out 5 times a week and recently lost 25 lbs, bulked up, and I get compliments ALL THE TIME on my 'new' body. I have abs for the first time in my life, and it's awesome.
Women have only run me over, burned me, and depressed me my entire life. Any happiness was short lived and not without it's price. I'm a better person by myself and only focusing on myself. There's no doubt I'd make a great husband and father someday, but this world is changing. My ideal family life dream is just that, it will not exist, that path will never allow me to be happy as it is not secure and not realistic. I must find other ways to be happy. I need to stop my emotional investment into women and stop falling for them. I need to ONLY focus on myself as that is all that matters. Nothing is worth sacrificing for a happiness that is unsustainable and untrue. I am only as good in that aspect as what I can give, and if I don't meet a quota I am replaced regardless if I am the reason or cause.
The problem is I care too much, I want to feel strongly and I'm passionate minded.....but I'm also logical minded and dating and the female species is absolutely mind-blowing and baffling. I can't handle it emotionally nor mentally. It's not worth the cost, it's not worth being burned, it's not worth what you have to give up to attain from a financial, emotional, and social standpoint, and you have everything to lose if it goes badly. I've been burned enough where I care less and less each time these events occur, and now I've started smoking weed which basically takes away all care in the world. It's probably the best solution I've found for immediate and situational instances for when I'm being mindfcked by some random or having my heart ripped out of my chest by a woman who told me she loved me a week before. I don't want to care, I don't want to feel, I don't want to give a fck about any of them. I don't want it anymore, I am done.
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, but realize that people are going to accept their own experiences that counter your own.
As I said to you in another post or thread somewhere, if none of this applies to you then you shouldn't worry about it. You really shouldn't personalize some of the guys' opinions just because it's directed towards a percentage of the female population. Criticizing some women doesn't mean they are bashing all of them. Sure, there are both woman haters and man haters on this forum, but reading between the lines, most of the ones who are assigned the "bitter man" label are really just sharing unpopular (yet valid) opinions.
You have to realize, there really are men out there who have been rejected for years by women and then all of a sudden have tons of female attention in their late 20s or 30s. Upon further inspection, they learn these women dated nothing but jerks in their younger years but now want a responsible guy to marry or help raise the kids they created with the jerks. It can't be a conspiracy, since I hear this from men from all walks of life, in real life in different cities and states, and online, on various types of websites with various audiences. If you aren't that type of woman and didn't reject all decent guys in favor of jerks, they aren't talking about you.
It's kind of how some black posters get mad on these forums when posters discuss black males committing crimes. Hearing someone talk about that doesn't bother me, even though I'm a black male, because I'm not a criminal. I may submit statistics and facts in areas where they are wrong, but I never take it personally.
I get what you are saying. I guess I always try to be so careful not to make blanket statements that I guess I get easily offended when others do. And to be fair - I hate it when people make blanket statements about any group of people - not just a group of people that I happen to be a part of.
As for men being upset that they didn't get attention from women when they were younger and then getting lots of attention later - I guess I still don't understand why the new attention would be upsetting. I was pretty awkward in junior high and early highschool. I got teased about my nose a lot - which gave me a huge complex about my nose that I still can't seem to get rid of although I think it now fits my face. I think there were guys that had crushes on me - but I had very few boyfriends and very few dates until my junior/senior year. I would get hit on but not by any of the guys at my school. Then - I turned 18 and suddenly - guys were all over me. I wasn't mad that they hadn't paid me attention sooner - I was flabbergasted that they were paying attention to me at all! Yes - boys teased me when I was a teenager - but I'm not going to hold it against all men forever. But like you said - we all have different experiences and we all deal with them in a different way. I'm a very positive and happy person. Even in the face of tragedy - I can usually find some shining moments. I think laughter is the most wonderful thing in the world. I guess it's just hard for me to imagine being so bitter.
She just responded to me, so please point out where my posts are offensive. I've been pretty fair to both sides in this thread.
Thank you.
I apologize Freedom123, it wasn't about you or your posts specifically. Dewdrop has been active on this thread for some time and has responded to several other posters. She expressed that she was offended by some of the posts here, I wasn't making that judgment myself. I was speaking of her overall posting style and just happened to make my statement right after she posted to you.
Well, that's certainly true. Too much time reading online forums
What takes more guts is to open up and let other people in on your world, your difficulties, challenges, struggles. You have the perfect TV life? Great. But I don't believe it. If you let people in on your imperfections, unmet aspirations, desires, etc., then you take a risk (and as we've seen here on this forum, some people have the guts to take that risk, and some don't). If you do, best case, you get input or assistance that helps you move forward. Worst case, people use it as an excuse to say "there's something wrong with you" which benefits only the person who says it.
We've seen this play out both ways here on the forum.
So you want to be seen as the "quarterback", the "big man", but are you big enough to acknowledge your own insulting behavior (as I mentioned, making empty accusations that people are not taking responsibility)?
As for men being upset that they didn't get attention from women when they were younger and then getting lots of attention later - I guess I still don't understand why the new attention would be upsetting.
Hi Dewdrop,
Thanks for sharing your story.
I'll answer your wonder for why the new attention is upsetting to these guys. Based on what I've read and heard from various places, they are upset because the women who are giving them attention now, rejected men exactly like them when they were younger in favor of jerks. This is easy to discover once people have discussions about past dating history and experiences.
As an example, I think these guys would have zero complaints if these women were having fun with nerds in her youth, and then decided to marry a nerd after her fun was over. I use "nerd" as an exaggeration to make my point. Feel free to replace that with decent guy or any type of guy that isn't a jerk/player/thug/bad boy.
I agree, you have to expand your horizons and try to meet people different ways to hope and try to meet someone who not only finds you attractive, but is available, interested in you, and compatible. It's a tall order in of itself, you make it sound like it's no big task.
For me personally, here's the attempts I've made to meet new women so far:
- met plenty in college, parties, I was an orientation leader 3 years, AMA, intramural sports, classes
- friends of friends, yet being in Chicago I'm finding it's harder as I get older. groups of friends of people are narrowing down, and as people are getting married, so are all their friends, and of my married/engaged friends, I guess I just have bad luck being a part of weddings with very few single/available/semi-attractive bachelorettes to meet. It's just the way it is. (When I say semi-attractive, I mean within 5 years of my age, and does not weigh more than I do).
- Online dating: did this for years, had many frustrations early of going on multiple dates with women only to have them disappear with no explanation. Drove me to therapy. Met a gf I dated 5 months, broke my heart. Now I can't get a response or a date to save my life. Disabled my account.
- Speed dating: tried it, not enough people, it was a joke, no one took it seriously, not that it was supposed to be super serious but it wasn't even fun.
- Meet up groups: I tried some meet up groups of things I'm interested in hoping to find like-minded females....only found dudes. Met some new friends so that was worth it, but not even female friends.
- Asking random girls for numbers: whether at the coffee shop, at a restaurant/bar, concerts, fun events, parties, art shows, garden walks, book stores.....I've gotten plenty of numbers, too many to count, yet not a SINGLE ONE answered or returned my phone call. To this day it still happens, I don't know what else I can do to improve that. Many of the women on this forum would argue I didn't leave a good enough voicemail but that's another thread.
I probably could try some other things to improve my chances of meeting women...but I don't want to. I don't have the time. I'm burnt out now. I've given up on the idea, I don't dream of the future, I think of what will make me happy right now. I live for the moment, I spend money like it's devaluing by the minute, and I do what I feel like whenever I feel like it. I work hard at my job, I have great friends, I have many hobbies and I work out 5 times a week and recently lost 25 lbs, bulked up, and I get compliments ALL THE TIME on my 'new' body. I have abs for the first time in my life, and it's awesome.
Women have only run me over, burned me, and depressed me my entire life. Any happiness was short lived and not without it's price. I'm a better person by myself and only focusing on myself. There's no doubt I'd make a great husband and father someday, but this world is changing. My ideal family life dream is just that, it will not exist, that path will never allow me to be happy as it is not secure and not realistic. I must find other ways to be happy. I need to stop my emotional investment into women and stop falling for them. I need to ONLY focus on myself as that is all that matters. Nothing is worth sacrificing for a happiness that is unsustainable and untrue. I am only as good in that aspect as what I can give, and if I don't meet a quota I am replaced regardless if I am the reason or cause.
The problem is I care too much, I want to feel strongly and I'm passionate minded.....but I'm also logical minded and dating and the female species is absolutely mind-blowing and baffling. I can't handle it emotionally nor mentally. It's not worth the cost, it's not worth being burned, it's not worth what you have to give up to attain from a financial, emotional, and social standpoint, and you have everything to lose if it goes badly. I've been burned enough where I care less and less each time these events occur, and now I've started smoking weed with basically takes away all care in the world. It's probably the best solution I've found as I don't want to care, I don't want to feel, I don't want to give a fck about any of them. I am done.
You need to learn some game player
The prob I'm seeing with your post is that your making the women you meet out to be more than they are. I understand your situation, your last paragraph hit me in particular. Empathy is a great quality to have, our country is need of people who feel very passionate about life. As a man logic is something that is hardwired into us, but if your born with a pair of ovaries that's not the case. Listen there will always be times in conquests where you'll fail, whether it be with a female or a career goal but don't let that stop you. It's a lot easier to give up, than it is to press on. Stop making financial and emotional investments in women when you first meet them, don't be an enabler. No matter how sweet a woman is, there's always that succubus personality lying dormant waiting to walk over that guy who gives her an inch.
The best advice I can give you is to spend some time traveling, learning about yourself. Learn another language, or learn to play an instrument and then bang a few chicks when your ready. Some cats feel they don't have the options when they don't realize they can just make them...
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