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Old 05-03-2011, 08:15 PM
 
44 posts, read 121,171 times
Reputation: 39

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For one, I am a very self concious about my looks, so I know alot of this has to do with my self esteem... but still. This is something I've needed to get off my chest.

So I have been pondering lately, about people who think their spouse is the most beautiful person in the world. And how people can love someone who they don't think is attractive...

I have always told my spouse how gorgeous he was. I say it almost daily... whether it's a compliment how he looks in his shirt when he gets ready for work... or how beautiful his eyes are in a certain light... little things.

After the the first year or so of our relationship he really stopped... trying. The only time I hear anything about my looks is if he's teasing me about my weight, or my face when I'm not wearing make up, or if I asking him point blank "how does this look" to which I get an "it looks okay." He says he's only kidding and yet it sometimes feel he puts it that way so I can't get offended... I've told him it bothers me but sarcasim and teasing about people insecurities are part of his personality.

For record, I have gained 2 sizes since I started dating him... I'm a very curvy girl so I carry it mostly in my chest and thights. I still have a small waist and have been complimented on my shape so I know I haven't gotten grossyly heavy. He on the other hand, since we started dating has gained 4 sizes and yet I still think he's the most beautiful man.

I don't think I'm gorgeous, but I know I'm not ugly. I take care of myself and I get hit on almost every day from the patrons at work and other employees...

The other day I was hanging out at a friends. I love my friend to death, but she is grossely overweight and has alot of skin problems and yet her boyfriend who is attractive is always telling her how she's beautiful she is. How good she looks. And now, I realised that I am jealous. I want what they have.

Has anyone else ever had to deal with anything like this? I've tried communicating with him but it hasn't worked. I just would think that the person you're with, the loves you would make you feel good about yourself as I try to do for him.
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Old 05-03-2011, 08:22 PM
 
1,413 posts, read 3,038,767 times
Reputation: 1367
Yes, he should. I'm sorry, he's either ignorant or not that considerate.... or maybe they are the same
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Old 05-03-2011, 08:29 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,928,467 times
Reputation: 13948
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefetio View Post
Yes, he should. I'm sorry, he's either ignorant or not that considerate.... or maybe they are the same
I agree with that.

Maybe I'm just a romantic, but when I was in a relationship, I constantly reminded her of how beautiful they were. I don't care if she's breaking out, she was the only woman I wanted to be with.

I know I've never been married, but I can't imagine myself being any other way. 1 year of marriage or 20 years of marriage. I'm going to tell her how beautiful I think she is. Everyone else can go fly a kite.
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Old 05-03-2011, 09:53 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,794,118 times
Reputation: 7057
It's great to have vanity. So get used to it helping you rather than hindering your self worth.

And you have no reason to be jealous of a morbidly obese blimp with skin problems. For all we know she is a medical doctor who makes a lot of money or who has a inheritance: which would explain his "flattery".
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Old 05-03-2011, 10:01 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,454,899 times
Reputation: 3482
Hmmm...to be quite honest, I've never had my husband or boyfriends tell me constantly how gorgeous and go on about me or I never said that to them constantly. I think I'm pretty and my bfs and husband were attractive but I don't think it's necessary to tell people especially all the time about their appearance.

I guess I'm a little different in that respect. I know when I look good and I know when I don't. I don't want someone telling me I look hot when I know I'm not at that time.
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Old 05-03-2011, 10:43 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,328,707 times
Reputation: 8075
I think it's very difficult when you are already self-consious about your looks and your partner does nothing to make you feel any less self-consious. I bet a lot of your insecurities come from his attitude. I think it's extremely important for men to compliment their spouses on their appearance on a consistent level (and vice versa). So, yeah, do I think your husband is inconsiderate? Yes, I do.

However, seems to me that even if he did compliment you all the time, you would still have insecurities, right? And I think it has a lot to do with your weight gain. Forget your husband for a second, think if the weight gain bothers YOU. If it does, time to do something about it.

BTW, I saw your profile picture and your face is very attractive.
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Old 05-03-2011, 11:08 PM
 
946 posts, read 2,911,817 times
Reputation: 1087
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
I agree with that.

Maybe I'm just a romantic, but when I was in a relationship, I constantly reminded her of how beautiful they were. I don't care if she's breaking out, she was the only woman I wanted to be with.

I know I've never been married, but I can't imagine myself being any other way. 1 year of marriage or 20 years of marriage. I'm going to tell her how beautiful I think she is. Everyone else can go fly a kite.
I tried to rep you but couldn't .

I think it's normal to get comfortable once the relationship progresses, so I think it's important to not forget to compliment your partner and remind them how beautiful they are every once in a while- it's little sweet gestures like that that keep the relationship going .
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Old 05-03-2011, 11:13 PM
 
1,206 posts, read 2,918,846 times
Reputation: 1152
it sounds like he isnt being considerate. Things like this tend to happen when a couple gets to used to one another and doesnt work for the relationship anymore. People get tired of working at it, but relationships is all about work. Thats why people divorce after 40 years, they are tired of work.

btw you are very pretty! hope you feel good yourself.
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Old 05-03-2011, 11:16 PM
 
Location: DuPont, WA
541 posts, read 2,132,185 times
Reputation: 643
Sounds like a communication (or lack there of) problem. I highly recommend The Five Love Languages for both you and your husband. Maybe this will help him realize you need those words of affirmation!
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Old 05-03-2011, 11:26 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,454,899 times
Reputation: 3482
Ok, just read your other thread. I thought your Id name sounded familiar. Sounds like you're having all kinds of problems with him. Don't know what to tell you but I hope all works out with you marrying him.
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