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when something terribly cruel was said?
1. Go into a diatribe telling the other person off being sure to say why he/she is a jerk.
2. Stating that you were terribly hurt and why.
3. No response and let the "jerk" wonder.
I am use to doing 1 and 2 in the past, but nothing was really accomplished even though venting was nice. I am opting for #3 now and just let the other person wonder.
Any thoughts??
Last edited by JustJulia; 08-03-2011 at 10:55 AM..
Reason: Fixed title for you
when something terribly cruel was said?
1. Go into a diatribe telling the other person off being sure to say why he/she is a jerk.
2. Stating that you were terribly hurt and why.
3. No response and let the "jerk" wonder.
I am use to doing 1 and 2 in the past, but nothing was really accomplished even though venting was nice. I am opting for #3 now and just let the other person wonder.
Any thoughts??
AND OPPS!! The subject heading should be BEST, not better. I had only two responses before I thought about it and added another!
A lot depends on the circumstances hat the "terribly cruel" thing was said. If the other party said it in anger, to intentionally hurt, then, I believe ignoring it is the best option.
If it was said as an off-hand remark, without even thinking. Then probably bringing it to the person's attention that it was a hurtful remark and that you don't appreciate it, would be appropriate.
The one thing that I find to be very effective when my SO says something to me in anger is to say... "You wouldn't say that to a perfect stranger". Meaning that they would have more respect for a stranger's feelings than my own. The person who they supposedly LOVE. I find this really makes a point.
In the interest of open communication and the avoidance of head games, the second response is best. I hate to say this, but people are thick these days. Not telling them that they hurt you will not get any points across. They will not see anything wrong with their behavior, and they will only do it again.
In the interest of open communication and the avoidance of head games, the second response is best. I hate to say this, but people are thick these days. Not telling them that they hurt you will not get any points across. They will not see anything wrong with their behavior, and they will only do it again.
True. But even then some people are just jerks and won't even care though.
You should objectively emphasize which parts were terribly cruel and ask them if they think that's a nice thing to say or a positive thing. Then you can ask them how they would feel if it was said to them. All of this done in a calm and assertive voice.
If someone said something terribly cruel to me, I could not go with option 3 unless it was a volatile sitation and IMO, the best option is to just walk away. But rest assured, they would know at some point how I felt about their comment.
Can we get an example? I am trying to think of something cruel someone has said to me (so I can remember my feelings and the response) and I am coming up blank.
A lot depends on the circumstances hat the "terribly cruel" thing was said. If the other party said it in anger, to intentionally hurt, then, I believe ignoring it is the best option.
If it was said as an off-hand remark, without even thinking. Then probably bringing it to the person's attention that it was a hurtful remark and that you don't appreciate it, would be appropriate.
The one thing that I find to be very effective when my SO says something to me in anger is to say... "You wouldn't say that to a perfect stranger". Meaning that they would have more respect for a stranger's feelings than my own. The person who they supposedly LOVE. I find this really makes a point.
20yrsinBranson
I do think it was done on purpose;and maybe still out of anger. He told me he didn't hate me, but what he said truly negated that fact, I think.
And even though I appreciate your words of advice in the last paragraph, I don't think it would work in this situation as what he said was only specific to me.
Thanks for your response...
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