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Old 08-03-2007, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
29,093 posts, read 30,600,630 times
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[quote=L_A_Woman;1201969]"......
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arctic Kitten View Post
I've heard that young women (no matter what they aspire for) become carbon copies of their mothers......"


For some reason I tend to believe this, Arctic. Ive discovered over the years for some wierd reason, that Ive (maybe subconsiously?) followed the Japanese instinct of women being respectful, submissive and understanding towards their men. Question is....where has it gotten me? Nowhere!
To LA Women


well, I wouldn't say nowhere, I'd say you must be an extremely tollerant woman...which gives you a great many positive abilities....

Tolerance is being flexable and to me a very good character...submissive can also mean to self, which brings about an understanding of life...and if one can understand men...as your culture does...then I'd say, you've got it way above ours, b/c nothing can be solved with anger....
I'm sorry, I'm not going to let you sell yourself short...

AK
Yes, we do become copies of our parents...or mothers...if we are close to them...we parrot them, from the time we are born...and if we pick up some bad habits along the way and we realize we are carbon copies, we then are ahead of the game and have the given opportunity to recognize those faults and compliment them with control and revision. Yes?
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Old 08-04-2007, 01:54 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,343 posts, read 14,836,429 times
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My experience has been different and I'm nothing like my parents. In fact my SO and I have have parents that are complete opposites but he and I turned out very similiar. We were joking about it last week that it would make a good book. I grew up in a really bad family, bad childhood and he grew up in an exceptionally great family, great childhood, the book was a good idea until I mentioned that doesn't say much for him but it says a lot for me. : )
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Old 08-04-2007, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
29,093 posts, read 30,600,630 times
Reputation: 19407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rapture View Post
My experience has been different and I'm nothing like my parents. In fact my SO and I have have parents that are complete opposites but he and I turned out very similiar. We were joking about it last week that it would make a good book. I grew up in a really bad family, bad childhood and he grew up in an exceptionally great family, great childhood, the book was a good idea until I mentioned that doesn't say much for him but it says a lot for me. : )
LOL

thanks for responding, I'm happy to hear your doing ok...

My purpose for this thread is self-examination...

When we tend to have a problem with our relationships, it is so easy to blame the other person, or every body else for our choices...but when we step back and look at the entire picture, we realize our choices are what brought us unhappiness...to take it further, we then ask ourselves why...which will eventually take us back to our childhood, parents and adult influences, both good and bad.

It is funny how people can impact our lives...how our choices and decissions can impact the lives of others, which further proves, how closely we are related.

Take that time you stopped in for a cup of coffee, sat down at the counter, and there was this person sitting next to you...maybe that particular day you were quit into your own problems, perhaps depressed and talking to someone was the last thing you wanted to tolerate, b/c you were so self absorbed.

But...you reply so as not to be rude, and before you know it, your engaged in a really absorbing conversation...

You walk away knowing you will probably never see that person again...but whatever it was that person said to you, in their own testimony of how they handled a particular problem, will never leave you...and perhaps one day, even help you....?????

This thread is also about the choices we make in relationships...for instance, why do we marry?

What are the reasons we marry? Can you list them...I believe we marry for all the wrong reasons...what in your particular situation, did you marry for?

1. To be taken care of
2. Because parents and friends said, when are you getting married, it was expected.
3. Because it seemed socially acceptable for a woman to be married rather then go to college, in my day...
4. Because I wanted to love and be loved
5. I thought marriage made people happy, really I did, I was 17 and read all those stinkin romance novels.
6. I thought I had to be married to experience sex. yeah, I know....
7. I wanted my own home....


for now, that's all I can think of, but the point I'm making is, that maybe society needs to take a 2nd look at marriage and teach our children, it's ok to be single, to follow dreams, experience life....travel, meet all kinds of people. To build a career, to be more mature, to grow with experience so they know their needs, and then choose a partner who would probably be much more compatible?

This is what self examination over the years has given me...among hords of other topics...
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Old 08-04-2007, 05:25 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,343 posts, read 14,836,429 times
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Yes, I self examine often and I do it so I can be the best person that I can be. I wish more people would take a good hard look at themselves. This reminds of a conversation I was having yesterday with one friend about a mutual friend. We were talking about it because it's sad that she can't take a step outside herself and realize why she has relationship problems with everyone. Men, coworkers, other women and just about everyone. I finially got the guts recently to say something to her and ask her doesn't she realize it's something SHE's doing? We talked about it but she still didn't get it.

Basically most people I know that are unhappy, somewhat unhappy, always complaining, has lots of problems, etc...Are all by their own doing.

To comment on one other point you made about marriage. This is something I've asked myself many times. I never cared if I got married, I wanted companionship but I'm not traditional or religious so the actual ceremony didn't matter to me. I've had several long term relationships and I'm friends with most of my exboyfriends. My current SO is someone I strongly feel I will be with forever and I admit, if he asked me to marry him I would do it. We have talked about it briefly but in our minds we are already what people consider "married". Anyway the question I ask myself, have I not cared about marriage for reasons stated above or is it because everyone in my family has been married and divorced so many times I'm just turned off?
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Old 08-04-2007, 05:29 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,343 posts, read 14,836,429 times
Reputation: 2730
One more thing.

When you mention sitting and talking with a stranger and so on. I was a bartender for years, several years ago and I worked mostly in places like Cheers on TV. I would say I have had thousands of conversations with all kinds of people about everything you can imagine. Your right, there is a lot you can learn from talking to strangers but the key is to be open minded to others opinions and ideas.
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Old 08-05-2007, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
29,093 posts, read 30,600,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rapture View Post
Yes, I self examine often and I do it so I can be the best person that I can be. I wish more people would take a good hard look at themselves. This reminds of a conversation I was having yesterday with one friend about a mutual friend. We were talking about it because it's sad that she can't take a step outside herself and realize why she has relationship problems with everyone. Men, coworkers, other women and just about everyone. I finially got the guts recently to say something to her and ask her doesn't she realize it's something SHE's doing? We talked about it but she still didn't get it.

Basically most people I know that are unhappy, somewhat unhappy, always complaining, has lots of problems, etc...Are all by their own doing.

To comment on one other point you made about marriage. This is something I've asked myself many times. I never cared if I got married, I wanted companionship but I'm not traditional or religious so the actual ceremony didn't matter to me. I've had several long term relationships and I'm friends with most of my exboyfriends. My current SO is someone I strongly feel I will be with forever and I admit, if he asked me to marry him I would do it. We have talked about it briefly but in our minds we are already what people consider "married". Anyway the question I ask myself, have I not cared about marriage for reasons stated above or is it because everyone in my family has been married and divorced so many times I'm just turned off?
Hi Rapture,
thanks so much for responding...
I don't people do things for one reason, but for many, and sometimes you can't always find answers to questions...but don't marry simply b/c others consider you "married" that is no reason to do so. And if I were you, I'd definately ask myself, "why" would I marry him if he'd ask? Don't live your life as others would have you do...live your life as you would wish it to be?

I spent so many years living someone else's idea of what my life should be...just b/c something works for someone else, doesn't say, it will work for you.

Hugs
Creme
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Old 08-05-2007, 07:55 AM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,343 posts, read 14,836,429 times
Reputation: 2730
Thanks - I don't live my life even close to what others think it should be or care what anyone else thinks. I'm 43 years old and lived independently most of my life. I would never get married because people think I should or do anything else for that matter. My mother has managed to manipulate me and others into always feeling sorry for her and helping her financially but other then that, I do what I want - always.

I have asked myself, why would I marry him and I think it's number one because I love him and number two it would make things easier. Taxes, insurance and all that stuff....I guess there's a little bit of a romantic feeling to it but I'm more a realist.

I'm glad you started this thread and I don't want keep posting in here with my stuff. You make an excellent point and I think a lot of people could help themselves but self examination. There are people that spend years in therapy doing just that when if they could just help themselves if they were open enough to it. I guess a lot of people need an outside person to bring it out of them.
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Old 08-05-2007, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
29,093 posts, read 30,600,630 times
Reputation: 19407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rapture View Post
Thanks - I don't live my life even close to what others think it should be or care what anyone else thinks. I'm 43 years old and lived independently most of my life. I would never get married because people think I should or do anything else for that matter. My mother has managed to manipulate me and others into always feeling sorry for her and helping her financially but other then that, I do what I want - always.

I have asked myself, why would I marry him and I think it's number one because I love him and number two it would make things easier. Taxes, insurance and all that stuff....I guess there's a little bit of a romantic feeling to it but I'm more a realist.

I'm glad you started this thread and I don't want keep posting in here with my stuff. You make an excellent point and I think a lot of people could help themselves but self examination. There are people that spend years in therapy doing just that when if they could just help themselves if they were open enough to it. I guess a lot of people need an outside person to bring it out of them.
yes, indeed, what bothers me, is when people do go to therapy for longer then 3 months and if it isn't helping you should continue to look for someone who is more concerned with helping then having you come back, and will tell you exactly what they think...I went to one who kept telling me to pray to God and God would fix it? Sheesh?

Anyway, thanks so much and so happy to hear your well on your way...good luck.
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