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Old 08-02-2007, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,937 posts, read 30,291,282 times
Reputation: 19171

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do you realize how people suffer from the way they were raised and do you apply this to awareness of self and practice self exploratons? Do you also realize how this can impact not only your marriage, your children, but how you may be socially inept...how your fears can stagnate growth...and how we excuse this behavior unaware of what we are really doing?

I was raised in a very abusive home....what saved my life was a family who lived across the street...who actually took me in and treated me as their own since I was 5 years old. At an early age, I found myself to be so very perceptive...and aware...and b/c my own family was so horribly dysfunctional, vowed to mold myself into my so called foster mother.

She was a kind giving person with a will of steel...but very naieve and oblivious to the real world...she worked at home, as a mother, wife, cook and bottle washer....she never experienced the world outside her home...

She was a very sick little girl, and a depression child...she found the world in small things...they never traveled or saw anything outside of their small town, so she not only feared travel, but made excuses as to why she hated the beach, or perhaps going to another state...amazing...yet, so precious...but it did carry over and it was something I had to overcome...plus...I always had this yearning for travel...thankfully, I've had so many splendid experiences...and have had the opportunity to relax, away from the telephone, tv and computers and simply self explore...it is, indeed an ability to draw closer to the self...and a great experience...to figure out why I've made the choices I've made that were not in my best interest, I've had to let down all barriers and admit to myself, my defects...which is difficult to face...very hard to swallow..but is a very important step....in growth...and being able to better understand and relate socially.

What have been your experiences...? Do you realize we are carbon copies of our parents.... which causes us to choose friends, relationships even mates....
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Old 08-02-2007, 09:22 AM
 
Location: NJ for now
1,225 posts, read 2,787,271 times
Reputation: 701
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
do you realize how people suffer from the way they were raised and do you apply this to awareness of self and practice self exploratons? Do you also realize how this can impact not only your marriage, your children, but how you may be socially inept...how your fears can stagnate growth...and how we excuse this behavior unaware of what we are really doing?

I was raised in a very abusive home....what saved my life was a family who lived across the street...who actually took me in and treated me as their own since I was 5 years old. At an early age, I found myself to be so very perceptive...and aware...and b/c my own family was so horribly dysfunctional, vowed to mold myself into my so called foster mother.

She was a kind giving person with a will of steel...but very naieve and oblivious to the real world...she worked at home, as a mother, wife, cook and bottle washer....she never experienced the world outside her home...

She was a very sick little girl, and a depression child...she found the world in small things...they never traveled or saw anything outside of their small town, so she not only feared travel, but made excuses as to why she hated the beach, or perhaps going to another state...amazing...yet, so precious...but it did carry over and it was something I had to overcome...plus...I always had this yearning for travel...thankfully, I've had so many splendid experiences...and have had the opportunity to relax, away from the telephone, tv and computers and simply self explore...it is, indeed an ability to draw closer to the self...and a great experience...to figure out why I've made the choices I've made that were not in my best interest, I've had to let down all barriers and admit to myself, my defects...which is difficult to face...very hard to swallow..but is a very important step....in growth...and being able to better understand and relate socially.

What have been your experiences...? Do you realize we are carbon copies of our parents.... which causes us to choose friends, relationships even mates....

I DO NOT want to be carbon copies of my parents. Sorry.

My parents were loving and caring. But that was it. Never showed any affection toward any of us 3 boys at the time. Which hurt at the end toward my 2 younger brothers. They don't know how to handle any affection. I taught myself and along with my relationships I learned to show it. With my 2 kids, I Do everything that my parents never said to me, "I Love you" I never heard that out of my parents mouth. I say it any time I have a chance to.

To Also add to it. Its always there way or no way. They are always right.
And Creme, Sorry that you had a tough childhood.

Last edited by JoeandFamily; 08-02-2007 at 09:33 AM..
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Old 08-02-2007, 09:33 AM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,401 posts, read 13,375,213 times
Reputation: 5774
I've heard that young women (no matter what they aspire for) become carbon copies of their mothers.

I've heard that young women (no matter what they think they want, will be replacing their once "father figure" with the man they want to marry."

I abhor and reject these said ideas, with all of my might!!! But I am also to the point where I can stand back and look at myself, and agree that whether you want to see it or not... the ideas are not without merit.

Creme, like you, I vowed to myself when I was younger that I would not take life for granted. that I would not take love for granted. As my mom and dad began the grueling dance of divorce a few years ago, I reaffirmed my vows, seeing all the sadness that can come of lost love, manipulated love, and so-called "unconditional" love. I can't say that I've made it out any better than they have, but I think what everyone has to ask themselves, when comparing to other people, are you content to be another statistic? Or are you growing, learning to adapt and overcome, with each new situation that life throws at you? I love everything that happens to me, for better or for worse, because it simply makes me more of who I am. How I deal with things, and how I can possibly pass that on to other people.

Life is not about who you are, it is about who you are constantly becoming.
The way we were brought up, can't help but have a HUGE impact on how we view ourselves today, and the people and world around us. I think it's vital to surround yourself with different influences constantly, for that one reason alone.

Hoping this doesn't get too long-winded, but I'm going to copy something I wrote a few months back.. that has a little bit to do with your post in general.

I BLOG WHEN I'M BORED AT NIGHT!


RIPPLES:

How many thoughts, or extensions of thoughts remain lost, never even to become a ripple on the surface of the unconscious?

Take away everything important in your life. Strip away all the material influences that have sustained your level of comfort for the past years. And what are you left with? Yourself. Yourself, and your rationalizations for your behavior.
My rationalizations go something like this….

Have you ever thought… the times where it's hardest to cope, hardest to breath, hardest just to exist, are simply the stronger parts of your spirit, sensing the mutual longings and desires of your other half? Simultaneously even. Craving the same as you are. Dreading each day's remedial tasks the same as the next, with their only source for relief being that of their love. Finding true love. Anticipation is greater than the act of love itself. Who are you to judge? Are you in love?

"I am not a gentleman, I am a lover. And a lover knows nothing but his beloved and has no other thought than to be with her." - Hermann Hesse

No other thought, no other drive, than to be with her… can you even fathom that? I think, in a world such as today, the concept is truly lost. 18th century says, the perception of the world is only the way it appears to our reason. …today's society dictates to… "think outside the box". Although not as eloquently put, they mean virtually the same thing. Imagine yourself, having only ever looked out at the world wearing a pair of glasses, that were tinted a dark shade of red. Now imagine, trying to compare your world, to that of a man who had only ever seen the pure untouched rays of sunlight. You would not agree, you would not understand even, how someone's views can be so drastically different from your own. You're both living in the same world, yet altered by the perception that you have made your own, whether it is from your own circumstances, environment, etc. This is why it is close to impossible to explain true happiness to the heartbroken, or utter abjection, to the fool hearted. "There is no room for rationalism, when you are driven by sentiment." The fine line that holds our lives together and intertwining, does not bend both ways. The better of us are the ones that are able to think above anything we have been put through, and if not agree with everyone's misconceptions and altered perceptions, at least learn to appreciate them for what they are. Different ripples.

Have you ever stopped to watch the small bud of a flower beginning to blossom? No, it happens daily. Everywhere around you. …have you ever stopped to consider the possibility that it may be extremely painful for the budding flower? With every nudge, the very substance of the youthful flower screaming to grow, begging to expand, straining to become more than what it is now, positively bursting with anticipation. Indeed there is pain, when spring buds burst. Have you ever stopped to consider the possibility that you can watch people around you bloom the same? You pass people struggling every day, struggling to burst out of the constraints that dictate their lives, their love, their youth, and yet it goes by un-noticed. This is where your perception appears to your reason. You have no reason to care about people blossoming around you, therefore, they do not exist. How many other ripples have gone by unseen? Unfelt? If you yourself are in bloom, you will notice it everywhere around you. This is where perception, can shatter the material world, while sensation can level any emotional plain. If you didn't care enough about finding yourself, you would not look with such interest into everyone that walks by you. Because only by comparison, can we see ourselves any clearer. Who's life did you affect today? Who's day did you make brighter, just by being there? You may not know, and you may not care, and you may just mean the world to that one person. And how sad a world that must be.

"Human reason is most often free and independent from following any form of logic or thought." Congratulations. You're not crazy. I would go as far as to say, if you've ventured to keep reading up until now, you're probably a tad bizarre. (or bored, but hey, both get the same job done) But if you take anything away from this random collection of thoughts I had accumulating over the week, take this one. It doesn't have to make sense, to be the right thing to do, it doesn't have to be justified by your friends, in order for you to feel safe, it doesn't have to come with your parents all-knowing stamp of approval on it, before you feel confident enough in your own feet to venture forth. There will be things you do, that at the time, you can't even understand what is driving you. The simple point remains, a ship can't steer itself. If you're going somewhere you've never been before, then consider the question of why you haven't let whatever it is driving you now, take over sooner.

Abandoned precedents, make for a great new beginning.
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Old 08-02-2007, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,937 posts, read 30,291,282 times
Reputation: 19171
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeandFamily View Post
Creme, Sorry that you had a tough childhood.
Well, thank you, but actually, I had some very marvelous experiences as well, and wouldn't be nearly as strong as I am today, if it hadn't been for those experiences...some have it much worse...believe me

I could go on and on about how good we kids had it!

You get a rep from me, a great post!
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Old 08-02-2007, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,937 posts, read 30,291,282 times
Reputation: 19171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arctic Kitten View Post
I've heard that young women (no matter what they aspire for) become carbon copies of their mothers.

I've heard that young women (no matter what they think they want, will be replacing their once "father figure" with the man they want to marry."

I abhor and reject these said ideas, with all of my might!!! But I am also to the point where I can stand back and look at myself, and agree that whether you want to see it or not... the ideas are not without merit.

Creme, like you, I vowed to myself when I was younger that I would not take life for granted. that I would not take love for granted. As my mom and dad began the grueling dance of divorce a few years ago, I reaffirmed my vows, seeing all the sadness that can come of lost love, manipulated love, and so-called "unconditional" love. I can't say that I've made it out any better than they have, but I think what everyone has to ask themselves, when comparing to other people, are you content to be another statistic? Or are you growing, learning to adapt and overcome, with each new situation that life throws at you? I love everything that happens to me, for better or for worse, because it simply makes me more of who I am. How I deal with things, and how I can possibly pass that on to other people.

Life is not about who you are, it is about who you are constantly becoming.
The way we were brought up, can't help but have a HUGE impact on how we view ourselves today, and the people and world around us. I think it's vital to surround yourself with different influences constantly, for that one reason alone.

Hoping this doesn't get too long-winded, but I'm going to copy something I wrote a few months back.. that has a little bit to do with your post in general.

I BLOG WHEN I'M BORED AT NIGHT!


RIPPLES:

How many thoughts, or extensions of thoughts remain lost, never even to become a ripple on the surface of the unconscious?

Take away everything important in your life. Strip away all the material influences that have sustained your level of comfort for the past years. And what are you left with? Yourself. Yourself, and your rationalizations for your behavior.
My rationalizations go something like this….

Have you ever thought… the times where it's hardest to cope, hardest to breath, hardest just to exist, are simply the stronger parts of your spirit, sensing the mutual longings and desires of your other half? Simultaneously even. Craving the same as you are. Dreading each day's remedial tasks the same as the next, with their only source for relief being that of their love. Finding true love. Anticipation is greater than the act of love itself. Who are you to judge? Are you in love?

"I am not a gentleman, I am a lover. And a lover knows nothing but his beloved and has no other thought than to be with her." - Hermann Hesse

No other thought, no other drive, than to be with her… can you even fathom that? I think, in a world such as today, the concept is truly lost. 18th century says, the perception of the world is only the way it appears to our reason. …today's society dictates to… "think outside the box". Although not as eloquently put, they mean virtually the same thing. Imagine yourself, having only ever looked out at the world wearing a pair of glasses, that were tinted a dark shade of red. Now imagine, trying to compare your world, to that of a man who had only ever seen the pure untouched rays of sunlight. You would not agree, you would not understand even, how someone's views can be so drastically different from your own. You're both living in the same world, yet altered by the perception that you have made your own, whether it is from your own circumstances, environment, etc. This is why it is close to impossible to explain true happiness to the heartbroken, or utter abjection, to the fool hearted. "There is no room for rationalism, when you are driven by sentiment." The fine line that holds our lives together and intertwining, does not bend both ways. The better of us are the ones that are able to think above anything we have been put through, and if not agree with everyone's misconceptions and altered perceptions, at least learn to appreciate them for what they are. Different ripples.

Have you ever stopped to watch the small bud of a flower beginning to blossom? No, it happens daily. Everywhere around you. …have you ever stopped to consider the possibility that it may be extremely painful for the budding flower? With every nudge, the very substance of the youthful flower screaming to grow, begging to expand, straining to become more than what it is now, positively bursting with anticipation. Indeed there is pain, when spring buds burst. Have you ever stopped to consider the possibility that you can watch people around you bloom the same? You pass people struggling every day, struggling to burst out of the constraints that dictate their lives, their love, their youth, and yet it goes by un-noticed. This is where your perception appears to your reason. You have no reason to care about people blossoming around you, therefore, they do not exist. How many other ripples have gone by unseen? Unfelt? If you yourself are in bloom, you will notice it everywhere around you. This is where perception, can shatter the material world, while sensation can level any emotional plain. If you didn't care enough about finding yourself, you would not look with such interest into everyone that walks by you. Because only by comparison, can we see ourselves any clearer. Who's life did you affect today? Who's day did you make brighter, just by being there? You may not know, and you may not care, and you may just mean the world to that one person. And how sad a world that must be.

"Human reason is most often free and independent from following any form of logic or thought." Congratulations. You're not crazy. I would go as far as to say, if you've ventured to keep reading up until now, you're probably a tad bizarre. (or bored, but hey, both get the same job done) But if you take anything away from this random collection of thoughts I had accumulating over the week, take this one. It doesn't have to make sense, to be the right thing to do, it doesn't have to be justified by your friends, in order for you to feel safe, it doesn't have to come with your parents all-knowing stamp of approval on it, before you feel confident enough in your own feet to venture forth. There will be things you do, that at the time, you can't even understand what is driving you. The simple point remains, a ship can't steer itself. If you're going somewhere you've never been before, then consider the question of why you haven't let whatever it is driving you now, take over sooner.

Abandoned precedents, make for a great new beginning.
Whew, what a marvelous, intellectual mind you have....do you write poetry?

you would love the movie "forever mine" with Joseph Fiennes, Ray Liotta, and Grethen Mol
What a man!, what a love story....

Anyway, thanks so very much for this..may I keep it...?????

Hugs
Creme
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Old 08-02-2007, 11:42 AM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,401 posts, read 13,375,213 times
Reputation: 5774
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Whew, what a marvelous, intellectual mind you have....do you write poetry?

you would love the movie "forever mine" with Joseph Fiennes, Ray Liotta, and Grethen Mol
What a man!, what a love story....

Anyway, thanks so very much for this..may I keep it...?????

Hugs
Creme

hahahahahaha. Hold the compliments, seriously. I started writing, as an outlet, when I moved back to my mom's after a most particularly bad relationship. ...some of it makes sense, some of it doesn't, but it all makes me feel better!!!! so yes, feel free to keep any bits that might have made sense to you.

PS : I will make it a point to find that movie and watch it!!!
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Old 08-02-2007, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,937 posts, read 30,291,282 times
Reputation: 19171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arctic Kitten View Post
hahahahahaha. Hold the compliments, seriously. I started writing, as an outlet, when I moved back to my mom's after a most particularly bad relationship. ...some of it makes sense, some of it doesn't, but it all makes me feel better!!!! so yes, feel free to keep any bits that might have made sense to you.

PS : I will make it a point to find that movie and watch it!!!

Oh you must...I believe you'd be mezmorized....and as far as your writing, I don't believe your realize how good you are, and how much sense it DID make...keep on penning, and let me know how you enjoy that movie....

hugs
Creme
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Old 08-03-2007, 06:52 AM
 
27,354 posts, read 27,407,146 times
Reputation: 45894
I admire my parents for how they brought me up. Though my mom went back to Japan when I was very young, I still remember some of the advice she gave me and that she ruled with an iron fist, all she had to do was look at you and you know youre busted. My dad always put our well being and our needs above everything. There were times I thought he was mean or unreasonable, but looking back, I feel he actually saved my life.
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Old 08-03-2007, 07:48 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,937 posts, read 30,291,282 times
Reputation: 19171
Quote:
Originally Posted by L_A_Woman View Post
I admire my parents for how they brought me up. Though my mom went back to Japan when I was very young, I still remember some of the advice she gave me and that she ruled with an iron fist, all she had to do was look at you and you know youre busted. My dad always put our well being and our needs above everything. There were times I thought he was mean or unreasonable, but looking back, I feel he actually saved my life.
Oh boy, if you were sitting beside me right now, I'd hug you..it makes me so happy to hear....you are a very lucky woman...a very very rich woman...thank goodness for good parenting...no matter the amount of time you had together, be greatful you have something very valuable to pass onto your child or children...who you are...b/c they will be who you are...not to mention, you know who you are, what your needs are, your probably a more confident person...a better person for the experiences, and you are able to be more self aware, be more in tune with what is going on around you....b/c you do not need constant attention...your not all wrapped up in self absorbtrion...your mature and realistic...able to cope more with life, and problem solve better then others...

thank you for posting...

Hugs.....
Creme
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Old 08-03-2007, 10:06 AM
 
27,354 posts, read 27,407,146 times
Reputation: 45894
"......[quote=Arctic Kitten;1194282]I've heard that young women (no matter what they aspire for) become carbon copies of their mothers......"


For some reason I tend to believe this, Arctic. Ive discovered over the years for some wierd reason, that Ive (maybe subconsiously?) followed the Japanese instinct of women being respectful, submissive and understanding towards their men. Question is....where has it gotten me? Nowhere!
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