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Old 05-07-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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This is hypothetical (for me, at least). So how would you/have you/do you handle this? In person if possible? On the phone? In a letter? Via email? What are your thoughts?
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Old 05-07-2011, 05:57 PM
 
Location: South FL
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Geez, I don't even want to think about it in hypothetical terms. One thing I know for sure, when you are dying I doubt you have interest in reading emails and the letter may come just a day too late.
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
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If you are not closeby then I would call and tell them that you love them and thank them for being a good friend and for being a part of your life...

I am sorry that your friend is dying.
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Not Nowhere
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You do it in person, no matter what it takes to get there.
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Striving for Avalon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Vanderburgh View Post
You do it in person, no matter what it takes to get there.
This. There are a small number of people in this world I'd sell my best possessions to see.

Always keep your passport in date.
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
This is hypothetical (for me, at least). So how would you/have you/do you handle this? In person if possible? On the phone? In a letter? Via email? What are your thoughts?
First of all you recognize how lucky you are to get a chance to say goodbye - many people don't.
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:43 PM
 
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Is this the guy that died in Albuquerque by his wife? The one you let go, the one that left his job and moved out of state for you?

If this is him, you really need to see a therapist since he died so many years ago even though you just found out about his death. It seems you just can't let this go and sometimes when it's shocking to us, it needs to be talked about with a professional. Good luck!
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:45 PM
 
Location: earth?
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If the person was close-by, I imagine I would visit and ask what they might want and then try to fulfill it (food, flowers, music, company, errands).
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:50 PM
 
5,546 posts, read 9,963,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1 View Post
Is this the guy that died in Albuquerque by his wife? The one you let go, the one that left his job and moved out of state for you?

If this is him, you really need to see a therapist since he died so many years ago even though you just found out about his death. It seems you just can't let this go and sometimes when it's shocking to us, it needs to be talked about with a professional. Good luck!
No, it is not. I was being truthful when I said it was hypothetical. I just might face it someday and I wanted to know how most people would handle it. I do know someone who handled it via phone and I didn't want to mention that for fear that I might hurt someone's feelings who did the same.

When my dad was in hospice it was really touch and go. So I flew to see him two months in advance of his actual death (as my family was saying things were looking bleak and I wanted a chance to say good-bye in person). I'm glad I did that. What made it tough was I only got to say good-bye on the phone the day before he died. I made the mistake of not taking five minutes to compose myself and I really should have, as I just cried on the phone. I wonder if sometimes people do not go in person as they fear the same might happen.
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Old 05-07-2011, 08:04 PM
 
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Oh, ok. Death is a b$tch, really..lol. There's no right or wrong way and everyone is different. I had a beloved Aunt that was dying and I convinced myself that she would get well and I never called her to say good-bye. Wrong on my part but I couldn't handle it at the time so I'm not beating myself up about it. My father, I was with him and stayed by his side when he died. I felt good and was able to put our relationship away and not dwell on the rights and wrongs of our relationship.

I think now I'm better able to deal with death now and jump in to help that person then I was before. Before I would convince myself that everything was ok and missed out on saying good-bye to them.

I also did this to my pets too. I would think that they would pull through and they wouldn't and that would shock and sadden me when they died. So now, when they go, I stay by their side and hold them until they are gone and I say everything that I want to say to them so that I can move on when they pass.

So bottom line for me is to face death of a person or pet and help them move to the next stage of their life. I tell them everything I need to tell them and tell them what they've done for me and my life. It seems like when the time comes, there's no more regrets.
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