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I can't speak for anyone else but I know that I am first attracted to looks and then personality a very close second. I think most people feel the same way but who knows, I could be wrong.
Men don't have to look like Brad Pitt though, there are many different criteria for good looking or attractive.
It might be #2, very close with #1 being looks, but it will never be #1. Fact.
I'm afraid I have to agree with you, especially for the younger folks. I think older, experienced people are going to have the "I don't care what anyone says, I think he's hot" attitude--not just say it, but live it. I think people around my age (or even as far as under 50) are still worried about what their friends and family will think of their mates' appearance. We still kind of have that "if he looks good, I look good" mentality, plus we still put people into categories--or expect that our peers and family will put them into categories--based on looks. I know, I know soooo many younger people will say, "I don't judge people on how they look" but we can't pretend we don't, even if it's subconsciously. The "I don't judge" attitude might work for friendships or the public in general, but it won't apply to romantic interests.
Kind of a rant there, but I wanted to get that out.
its a tricky one, because honestly for me, If she looks hot but I can tell she isnt a good person, boring, stupid, i'm not interested, on the other hand if shes hot AND her personality is great, then thats wife material
A_Gazela, even if it's an "I don't care what anyone says, I think he's hot" attitude, it still fits my statement. You will take the person you find incredibly physically attractive but has a less-than-stellar personality over the not-very-attractive guy with a heart of gold.
I disagree... The first thing I notice will be looks but as far as how important they are.. I would say they rank somewhere around 5 or 6 down the list. Personality is the number one trait most people are concerned with and it's the very reason why you see "hot" girls with "ugly" guy and vice versa.
Yes there are a number of superficial people out there that think looks are all that matter but in all honestly most people grow out of that stage by the time they're 30. The rest are simple people that socity as a whole tend to leave behind. If you base everything on looks you're destined to end up alone and lonely. You can date superfine 20 something's your whole life.
I've dated some incredibly "hot" girls in my life and all of them where miserable pains in the ass to deal with. The current GF is by far the hottest girl I've ever been with and she is beautiful but it's not just skin deep and her looks where the last thing I noticed.
Sounds to me like the OP has some growing up to do or simply doesn't know what he/she is truly looking for.
It might be #2, very close with #1 being looks, but it will never be #1. Fact.
I agree. Chemistry is no 1. But it does not necessarily means looks however. To me it has to be a package.
One of my hottest boyfriends in my single and younger days was a man the average woman would have sneered at.
Yet there was something almost explosive between us which to this day I cannot understand or analyse. It was an immediate attraction , his personality was fab but also I just found him so utterly sexy and irresistible.
Some people probably would have called him ugly. But the chemistry was undeniable. Just being in his presence was electrifying even though he was no Adonis. Pheramones, chemistry, call it what you will, he just was someone I would have never imagined falling for and I did.
The opposite is often true as well though. I went out with a guy who was everyone's fantasy of a Hunk and despite him being lovely , and sweet as well as gorgeous it just did not gel somehow. I was bored. And he was more like a brother than a lover which is a problem.
It's a whole. Chemistry and personality. I am not sure we even know why we often fall for people.
With Hubby I felt within minutes that it was going to work for good. I don't know why. Yes he was attractive, and yes he was sexy but it was something more, far more, and as I was not aware of his personality in such a short period of time, I put it down to chemistry. A "feeling" of something inexplicable. Something more than physical attraction. Something else far more profound.
Also at the end of the day looks fade so you better have a pretty wonderful personality if long term relationships are your goal.
I would choose personality, kindness, intelligence, great sense of humour over looks any day. If Hubby was disfigured in a car accident today I would still love him. I could never love someone who looked like George Clooney and behaved like Charlie Sheen. Never going to happen.
Personality at the end of the day is what makes us human. What makes us connect with other human beings. Having a large wedding tackle and a killer smile is never going to replace someone who to me is everything.
Sex is brilliant but without the personality to go with it to me all it is , is genital friction and that can be obtained pretty easily. Getting laid is pretty easy. Finding someone you want to share everything with, grow old with and that "gets you" , now that is something worth , far, far more. In fact priceless.
Physical attraction is hugely important but from experience you can have experience that with someone who is less than perfect physically. Chemistry is what makes it work.
A_Gazela, even if it's an "I don't care what anyone says, I think he's hot" attitude, it still fits my statement. You will take the person you find incredibly physically attractive but has a less-than-stellar personality over the not-very-attractive guy with a heart of gold.
I guess you would have to define "less-than-stellar" personality and "not-very-attractive".
If "less-than-stellar" means he farts in public, picks his teeth, is obnoxious and full of himself...then NO...I'd rather not be with him.
If "not very attractive" means ogre looking, bad hygeine, dirty clothing, missing teeth...then no, I wouldn't want him either.
I'd rather be single if those were my choices.
My husband has a heart of gold, he's not the best looking man out there but he's not an ogre either. I would never have given him up for someone that was more physically attractive but a total dud personality-wise.
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