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So this all starts about a year and a half ago. This girl I have known all my life (I even used to date her) invites me and all of our friends up to her cabin for our yearly get drunk as hell for a weekend trip. We're all 21, I have been trying to meet girls for a while and get a gf, and this girl, named erin, has a boyfriend at this point. Well a day or two into the trip, she apparently can't help herself, and we have sex on her pier. She has never cheated on a bf before, she knew what she was doing because her boyfriend was a jerk, but she is a good person and still regretted it. On our way inside after our sex, she turns and says to me, "I'm sorry Thomas, but this means nothing. I hope you understand because I have a boyfriend." At the time I was sad because I liked her, but also ok with it because I had a great time, it brought us closer, and I felt like a pretty cool guy.
So a couple weeks later, after we have been texting a good amount, we decide that we should have a talk about what happened. She says she has a crush on me, I say the same, but she lives two hours away and has a boyfriend which she isn't about to destroy for me. I'm fine with this and I agree to just be friends for now. So we continue texting for months and months, I help her with her douche boyfriend who treats her like ****. I don't give one sided arguments against the guy but really try to give my honest advice. Eventually they break up and get to together about 3 times, until finally she has had enough and ends it for good.
Now after texting her almost non-stop and flirting with her all the time over text she is single but far away, so we don't want to start anything really. We're both fine with this, I was living the single life and meeting girls and having fun, she didn't want to be tied down. Everything was fine. But slowly over more time we start to get more and more involved with each other. If she didn't live two hours away we would have dated immediately.
So she comes home for spring break and a couple other weekends. I see her, we go out to parties with our friends. We don't fool around but talk constantly and have a spark going. Now at this time I have been having sex with my ex-gf when I got drunk and fooling around with other girls, when drunk, but never when she was around. I didn't want to hurt her. Eventually we decide we just want to be together and do the long distance thing and be happy. So we have a wonderful relationship that has been going on for about a year now.
About 2 months into our relationship, I was curious about her sexual past. We had never really talked about it, so I just assumed she has been with a few guys, but was in a relationship most the time so not a lot of parners. So we talk about our sexual past, I have had 2 partners, she had had 4. including each other. What I figured out is one night at a party she was having, one I was attending, she blew this guy named Ian. who is the type of guy that every girl wants to hook up with in high school. Pretty good looking, plays in a band, decently athletic, pretty nice. Every girl wants this guy. She also had a one night stand with this notorious drug addict, who isn't a terrible guy, but pretty stupid, the next night.
What upsets me about this situation is that she refused to be with me during this time, but could have chosen me over these other guys, but didn't. Then she fooled around with them behind my back, then chose me as the safer choice when they were gone. I don't doubt she loves me more than these guys, but it really hurts thinking about it. It makes me feel less attractive than these guys, and I wonder if she thinks about that time she got to blow the boy she has wanted. It makes me feel like ****. I know it's irrational because we weren't together, but we were still in each others lives and had something going on. I was there that night at the party, she could have chosen me, but she chose him instead. It hurts.
It sounds like we already know why you aren't with her any more. You aren't with this girl any more, but you're wondering if she loves you more than those guys. If you were the one she had the serious relationship with, and not them, you have already answered your own question. But the clincher is if it even matters, if you are not getting back with her to begin with. The relationship is long distance, so you aren't really with her. She is doing her own thing, and you should be doing yours, but it sounds like you are waiting around for her. Move on and get on with your life; especially if it is going to continue to be long distance.
Why would those other guys be more attractive than you? Somehow it just feels like the roles are reversed here ...
She is really sweet. I just mean she didn't do this to hurt me, but deep down it makes me believe that she finds him way more attractive than me. She has never cheated on me or anything like it. I'm just saying is it a little unfair that she chose another boy over me when we had something going? I was there!
I don't blame you. Women like to pretend that their past promiscuity is a non-issue. But it is, when so many women were sleeping with the bad boys. Its very telling of a woman and their attitudes. Its ok for them to have slept with dirt but if a guy did that.........
Damn dude, run away, this girl is a train wreck. Women should be free to do whatever they want, but they aren't entitled to have it all. I'm also free to pick and choose and sanitize the construct in which I want to bed my emotional investment and I'm free to value women like this a notch below the paper towel I used to clean my cat's hairball.. Ambivalent flippant ho's like this one wouldn't make the cut, no matter how good looking. They are not that hard to spot either.
I've said it once and I'll say it again and I don't care how hard the feminazi calls for my head: You can't turn your behavior on and off like a switch, you simply can't. Women fall on their ass all the time asserting they can go from ho to housewife "when the right one comes around". Nah, big liability, ticking time bomb. These girls are fun for what they're fun, irrelevant hookups. I wouldn't trust this chick with the sand for my cat's litterbox, let alone an emotional investment. Feel lucky you're out of that scene (I hope you are). Promiscuity coming from a female's got not one damned thing to do with it either. You're the company you keep, and this pertains to non-sexual relationships as well. This girl's a ho and there's nothing empowering about it. She's gonna hit her thirties and go downhill when she realizes the embedded irony in attaining attention solely by sexual means. Now you're alone and the males you got attention from yesterday don't want you 100 feet from being the mother of their children. Welcome to equality %itch....
Look, I am way old. In my circles we all know to say no more than four. I cannot tell you how many more than four there have been for me, yet the rule is FOUR.
So mistygrl092, how many is your 4? I'm thinking 20-25?
It's 9 or 10 in my circle (less than 2 hands statement), but we all know that means 20 or more. Woman are pretty good about hiding their past and their girlfriends will protect their hidden past to the grave. I'm sure there are more then a handful of woman, 1/2? who have had a little action at a party when drunk that they would never admit to their current husbands.
I have had ex girls friends that Im still friends with and know their husbands take me aside and tell me not to bring any past indisretions up with their current spouse. Ive heard stories about band members, well hung lads, small hung lads, car sex and neighbors son stories from woman that you would have thought were close to Saint Hood. I'm sure there are some mother Theresas out there but theyre all in India!
I wouldn't have a problem if it were just her past though. I was a part of her life in this time. I feel almost betrayed. Yes, we weren't dating, but that's just because we didn't put a label on it. We talked all the time, flirted, even had sex a couple times. But then one night at a party she blows this hunk while I'm there, and it's totally fine? there were no labels, but I still feel hurt by this.
Somewhere in your head this isn't ok for her to do this because you were at the party also? Where do you get your idea's? It's ok for her to cheat on a former boyfriend with you, though, isn't it? I think your thinking is screwed up. You don't own her, she can do any damn thing she wants, either accept it, or find another girlfriend who really wants to be your girlfriend and keeps foreign things out of her mouth.
Alright, well maybe you caught me. Though I didn't fool around with any girls at a party she was at, I may be in the same boat. But then why does it hurt so bad? I just imagine it, I see her doing it. I see the situation, it's burned into my head. I get irrationally angry about it. Is there no validation whatsoever in my anger? I hate thinking about her withother guys.
No, there is absolutely, positively no validation in your anger. Although feelings themselves are neither right nor wrong--they just are--you are getting entirely too bent out of shape about this. Goose, gander, pot, kettle, etc.
You are jealous. This is because you are insecure.
You are insecure because you have chosen to get with a woman whom you KNOW to be a cheater.
And you then have the audacity to condemn her for behaving just like you, with dropping her pants at nearly every invitation?
Really?
I can't even recommend therapy. What you need is a good dose of maturity, and that is something that some people never attain because it requires a good bit of self-reflection. As you are hung up on making this all about how "wrong" she is, methinks that self-reflection will be a long time coming.
Harsh? Yes. But I call'em as I see'em and frankly, if you want to make things right in the cosmos you would take yourself out of the dating pool until you grow the heck up.
Last edited by Marka; 09-25-2011 at 07:53 AM..
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I have an issue with my gf's past promiscuity
