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My girlfriend and I have been together for over 5 months. She has a lot of guy friends which typically is a non issue for me. Until this point there was only one issue with a guy who was totally disrespectful to our relationship... she saw the same and has reduced contact.
In late March she tells me about a guy friend of hers who she knew from way back when. He was a really close friend. He moved away years ago and they've remained in contact. He is planning on coming out to visit for a week in July and she offered up her place for him to stay. She's had people stay over for a night in the past (before me) for various reasons without incident or issue. She offered to take the week off of work and hang out and do stuff with him while he was in town. The length of this stay bothered me. The fact that she was going to so easily take that much time off of work also bothered me. I haven't been able to get her to take more then a day off when it comes to doing stuff over an extended weekend. Right or wrong I expressed my concerns and it blew up in my face. She felt like I didn't trust her. I felt like a real jerk... and the next day I apologized and said it wouldn't be a problem.
Fast forward 6.5 weeks
During the course of drinking and listening to some vinyl a couple of nights ago this guy sent her a picture of some guitar. She showed me the picture and started telling me a bit more about him. Come to find out (and to make a long story short)... her and this guy have NEVER met in person. He has NEVER lived in the area. They met a few years ago in a chat room on a website showing a hockey game (her and I... and apparently this guy are major hockey fans). I waited until the next morning once the liquor wore off to question her about it. She first tried to tell me they were different guys. I kept pointing out the great number of similarities between the "two guys"... she eventually admitted that it was the same guy.
I found her reason for lying to be funny. She didn't think I would trust her with this guy staying over if I knew the truth. Also turns out that when telling him (through text) that I had an issue with him staying over... she referred to me as her "boyfriend situation" a "f***face" and an "idiotface" (she says stuff like this when she gets mad).
I'm hurt because she lied to me about him. She also doesn't see any problems with continuing to talk to this guy. I expressed my issues with this and my desire for communication to end. I even asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed... she said it would bother her too but she wouldn't tell me not to talk to this person.
I can't help but feel like she is putting more importance on him. It seems like all I get as a response is admitting she was wrong... but justification for keeping him around. I also can't help but wonder if I'm blowing this out of proportion? Am I wrong for feeling how I do? I absolutely adore this girl... I'm hurt and at a loss.
She has no respect for you..She wants to keep you on a string just incase her and this affair she is having, and yes she is having an affair..But since you know about him, she won't call it an affair, for the fact if her and oh so wonderful don't work out she has you to fall back on.
I have lots of men friends..I would never disrespect my boyfriend,
Is she calling you degrading names to him? And she loves you?
She don't love you..Tell her we all said your better off without her.
Do yourself a favor and leave the put the trash out.
What did you end...? Unless I missed something, you hadn't even met.
The opportunity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
Yeah, I saw that. Congrats on the escape. She sounded like a very confused controlling freakazoid or at least she had you controlled whether that was her intention or not! These types of things can make you very wise if they don't tear you up and make you bitter. What lessons did you learn from it?
I think she was greedy courting two men instead of deciding on just one, and that made her dishonest in everything nice she ever said to me. She also got defensive when I called her out on her dishonesty, and then she became passive-aggressive, which always succeeds in making the victim look like the fool instead of the aggressor. And then she simply became a coward who stopped communicating. I didn't handle it well, but I was simply responding to her actions, which failed to match her words. I still think it's rich that she called me "insecure" when she hadn't given me any reason since mid-August to be secure.
What I learned from this is that I need to listen to my gut and be more assertive. I wanted to tell her to tone it down with that other guy because some of their interactions made me uncomfortable, but she became irate any time I brought it up, and told me that "it's just a website." If I was an overbearing, possessive prick, then I would have had a problem with every other guy she talked to, but I only had a problem with one guy, and it turns out that I had good reason to. And everything was slanted against me too; he made his affection for her very public knowledge while I kept all my interactions with her private. The other guy knew nothing of me, yet I couldn't help but know about him, so it's no wonder she never had to "deal with it" from him: what he didn't know couldn't hurt him. (If I really wanted to create drama, then I could have sent him the archives of private conversations that I'd had with her, but I took the high road.)
If a woman wants my heart, then I better be her #1. No, not her #1A. Her #1. There's a big difference. There can't be a tie for first place, so if she can't decide between me and another guy, then I'll decide for her in the name of my own self-preservation. I'm getting too old for this ****, and this ordeal probably took a couple of years off my life anyway. Maybe someday she'll find happiness, but selfishly, I don't want her to be happy with the guy she disposed of me for.
Last edited by Craziaskowboi; 05-13-2011 at 04:19 PM..
If a woman wants my heart, then I better be her #1. No, not her #1A. Her #1. There's a big difference. There can't be a tie for first place, so if she can't decide between me and another guy, then I'll decide for her in the name of my own self-preservation. I'm getting too old for this ****, and this ordeal probably took a couple of years off my life anyway. Maybe someday she'll find happiness, but selfishly, I don't want her to be happy with the guy she disposed of me for.
She may have had more than just the one guy. Sounds like she was so preoccupied she may have been stringing a bunch of guys along besides just that one. I imagine your probably no older than 25. My advice to anyone that age is to date and have fun and don't try to get bogged down with one. Be honest and let them know you are just dating! Before you know it the one that fits the bill is sitting in front of you!
She may have had more than just the one guy. Sounds like she was so preoccupied she may have been stringing a bunch of guys along besides just that one. I imagine your probably no older than 25. My advice to anyone that age is to date and have fun and don't try to get bogged down with one. Be honest and let them know you are just dating! Before you know it the one that fits the bill is sitting in front of you!
Sadly, I'm older than 25. I'm just not very experienced with women. My first date was in college.
Sadly, I'm older than 25. I'm just not very experienced with women. My first date was in college.
Well, hopefully your not jaded and turned off to woman. This is a turn off unto itself. I was talking to a lady friend of mine who dates quite a bit and Top of her list for a guy to strike out was dissing the old girlsfriend followed by uncleanliness, overgrown hair and dirty or long finger nails. I'm always looking for interesting tid bits?
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 5 months. She has a lot of guy friends which typically is a non issue for me. Until this point there was only one issue with a guy who was totally disrespectful to our relationship... she saw the same and has reduced contact.
In late March she tells me about a guy friend of hers who she knew from way back when. He was a really close friend. He moved away years ago and they've remained in contact. He is planning on coming out to visit for a week in July and she offered up her place for him to stay. She's had people stay over for a night in the past (before me) for various reasons without incident or issue. She offered to take the week off of work and hang out and do stuff with him while he was in town. The length of this stay bothered me. The fact that she was going to so easily take that much time off of work also bothered me. I haven't been able to get her to take more then a day off when it comes to doing stuff over an extended weekend. Right or wrong I expressed my concerns and it blew up in my face. She felt like I didn't trust her. I felt like a real jerk... and the next day I apologized and said it wouldn't be a problem.
Fast forward 6.5 weeks
During the course of drinking and listening to some vinyl a couple of nights ago this guy sent her a picture of some guitar. She showed me the picture and started telling me a bit more about him. Come to find out (and to make a long story short)... her and this guy have NEVER met in person. He has NEVER lived in the area. They met a few years ago in a chat room on a website showing a hockey game (her and I... and apparently this guy are major hockey fans). I waited until the next morning once the liquor wore off to question her about it. She first tried to tell me they were different guys. I kept pointing out the great number of similarities between the "two guys"... she eventually admitted that it was the same guy.
I found her reason for lying to be funny. She didn't think I would trust her with this guy staying over if I knew the truth. Also turns out that when telling him (through text) that I had an issue with him staying over... she referred to me as her "boyfriend situation" a "f***face" and an "idiotface" (she says stuff like this when she gets mad).
I'm hurt because she lied to me about him. She also doesn't see any problems with continuing to talk to this guy. I expressed my issues with this and my desire for communication to end. I even asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed... she said it would bother her too but she wouldn't tell me not to talk to this person.
I can't help but feel like she is putting more importance on him. It seems like all I get as a response is admitting she was wrong... but justification for keeping him around. I also can't help but wonder if I'm blowing this out of proportion? Am I wrong for feeling how I do? I absolutely adore this girl... I'm hurt and at a loss.
You're being played like one of their guitars. Dump her before she dumps you.
This girl clearly does not know what she wants. She is falling for someone who could be feeding her a line of bullsh*t. Who knows? This guy may not be who he seems. She will realize when it is too late the mistake she made but she will get exactly what she deserves. And you my friend deserve MUCH better! You seem like a nice guy and if she wants to risk losing you over someone she does not know is a real or sure thing, IMO she is crazy.
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 5 months. She has a lot of guy friends which typically is a non issue for me. Until this point there was only one issue with a guy who was totally disrespectful to our relationship... she saw the same and has reduced contact.
In late March she tells me about a guy friend of hers who she knew from way back when. He was a really close friend. He moved away years ago and they've remained in contact. He is planning on coming out to visit for a week in July and she offered up her place for him to stay. She's had people stay over for a night in the past (before me) for various reasons without incident or issue. She offered to take the week off of work and hang out and do stuff with him while he was in town. The length of this stay bothered me. The fact that she was going to so easily take that much time off of work also bothered me. I haven't been able to get her to take more then a day off when it comes to doing stuff over an extended weekend. Right or wrong I expressed my concerns and it blew up in my face. She felt like I didn't trust her. I felt like a real jerk... and the next day I apologized and said it wouldn't be a problem.
Fast forward 6.5 weeks
During the course of drinking and listening to some vinyl a couple of nights ago this guy sent her a picture of some guitar. She showed me the picture and started telling me a bit more about him. Come to find out (and to make a long story short)... her and this guy have NEVER met in person. He has NEVER lived in the area. They met a few years ago in a chat room on a website showing a hockey game (her and I... and apparently this guy are major hockey fans). I waited until the next morning once the liquor wore off to question her about it. She first tried to tell me they were different guys. I kept pointing out the great number of similarities between the "two guys"... she eventually admitted that it was the same guy.
I found her reason for lying to be funny. She didn't think I would trust her with this guy staying over if I knew the truth. Also turns out that when telling him (through text) that I had an issue with him staying over... she referred to me as her "boyfriend situation" a "f***face" and an "idiotface" (she says stuff like this when she gets mad).
I'm hurt because she lied to me about him. She also doesn't see any problems with continuing to talk to this guy. I expressed my issues with this and my desire for communication to end. I even asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed... she said it would bother her too but she wouldn't tell me not to talk to this person.
I can't help but feel like she is putting more importance on him. It seems like all I get as a response is admitting she was wrong... but justification for keeping him around. I also can't help but wonder if I'm blowing this out of proportion? Am I wrong for feeling how I do? I absolutely adore this girl... I'm hurt and at a loss.
A couple of things are wrong with this picture. #1 is that she's never meet this person and has no idea what he's about or if he's a good person or if he's a killer or rapist. And then to have him stay at her house for a week. Bells goes off for me.
#2 is that she would lie to you. My take is that she's embarrassed that she's gone so far out of her way with someone that she's never meet and doesn't want anyone to know.
To me, it just doesn't make sense for her to call you names to this person and give so much of herself with someone she's yet to meet.
I'm beginning to think alot of young girls are fantasizing about meeting their Knight in Shining Armour on-line when they have real live boyfriends in their lives. It's crazy!
What I would do - break up with her! First for lying and then for who knows what you might get yourself involved with with this guy that's coming to stay with her.
Move on.
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Unless I missed something, you hadn't even met.
. She sounded like a very confused controlling freakazoid or at least she had you controlled whether that was her intention or not! These types of things can make you very wise if they don't tear you up and make you bitter. What lessons did you learn from it?
