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Old 05-14-2011, 12:57 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,409 posts, read 27,563,829 times
Reputation: 16548

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One of my girlfriend's best friends is a guy.. now I don't doubt her in a million years and this isn't a thread about if she is being unfaithful to me with this guy... but I guess it had me thinking, I look at him and I think he is kind of a weird guy, like who would seriously want to hang out with a girl and not get anything.. even if he secretly likes her, it still doesn't make sense because he doesn't have a chance in hell. It just got me wondering if my thinking was weird, and if it is normal for a girl and guy to be close friends. Am I the jerk for thinking it is weird to be like that with a girl and not have anything happen, or is that guy really just weird .. or gay?

I have friends that are girls but not the "bff" type.. I'm sure you guys know what I mean.. but just to distinguish before I get flamed haha
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Old 05-14-2011, 01:25 AM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
3,733 posts, read 6,861,230 times
Reputation: 2006
Is this post for real? I have several friends who are girls, and that's all they are. Just friends. I'm not trying to "get any" from them (just as I'm certainly not trying to "get any" from any of my guy friends! lol), I'm not exactly interested in them other than just being friends, and I'm not gay. YOU seem weird to me with a line like "who would seriously want to hang out with a girl and not get anything." (Not supposed to be an insult, BTW, just in case you took it that way. Just that it makes you sound like you're really only after one thing from women, and anything else is either pretend to get it, or worthless).

For the record, my so called "wife" (long story) has several guy friends, and I was never worried about anything. (Now I just don't care. She broke trust a long time ago (but not with any of her guy friends though), don't even consider myself married anymore, she talks about wanting to date other people, I'm starting to try to get myself back into the dating scene...) Sorry, the point is, it is very possible for men and women to be friends with each other, and not be there for anything more, nor even be gay.
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Old 05-14-2011, 01:36 AM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
3,733 posts, read 6,861,230 times
Reputation: 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
I have friends that are girls but not the "bff" type.. I'm sure you guys know what I mean.. but just to distinguish before I get flamed haha
Sorry, somehow I missed this line the first time. It's late and I'm tired! lol. Still though, I think men and women can even be best friends with no further interest in each other, nor in one or both being gay. One of my best friends is a girl. It's definitely possible.
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Old 05-14-2011, 09:04 AM
 
7,508 posts, read 3,909,648 times
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My best friend is a guy and there is NO WAY that I will ever date him. A lot of my friends asked what will I do if he liked me, and I am confident in my answer that I will never ever date him or see him more than a brother. When we're together, we are crazy and laid back but relationship wise? It will never work out. Some of my friends think my best friend is "weird" but they just don't know him enough.

And yes, it is normal for a guy and girl to be close friends. We are pretty close and most people can mistaken us for a couple, but we let them know that we are NOT a couple.
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Old 05-14-2011, 09:39 AM
 
629 posts, read 1,145,994 times
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It's possible for a guy and girl to be best friends if both are in a happy relationship. Otherwise it becomes increasingly more difficult the closer they get and the more time passes. Chances are sooner or later atleast one of them is going to want more.

Quote:
And yes, it is normal for a guy and girl to be close friends. We are pretty close and most people can mistaken us for a couple, but we let them know that we are NOT a couple.
Do you always emphasize the NOT part when people ask? You have to be careful because you can hurt your friend by sounding so offended people believe you're a couple.
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Old 05-14-2011, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,553 posts, read 8,938,317 times
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Just because you can't conceive of being friends with a woman without wanting to hit on her, doesn't mean it can't be done and isn't done all the time. Even if the woman is very attractive and my type, I still have ethics and the ability to control my behavior, and would never interfere in someone else's relationship. Anyway, it sounds like the guy in question is no threat even if he secretly likes her - or, he may also have self-control.
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Old 05-14-2011, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,378 posts, read 45,407,277 times
Reputation: 52491
My closest friend from college was a guy who was in no way ever interested in me (not gay, either...I had plenty of those guy friends, as well, being involved in the arts, but this particular guy is not). He wasn't ever interested in anybody. He was just a very quiet, very shy, socially awkward guy who didn't date, period. Despite being probably the most quiet person I've ever met, once you got him talking, you'd find that he was smart, funny, and interesting, and we hit it off. Still, he had few friends and fewer interested girls, because it required so much patience and perseverance to pull him out of his shell, and even out of his shell, he's still more quiet than most. Most people find that weird. I never minded weird, so I never was deterred by it. I can see how most people would be, though.

We're still friends, years later, although we live far apart and see one another only once or twice a year. He's still pretty quiet, although he's gotten much less socially awkward over the years...he suffered anxiety and depression when I met him when we were 18-19, and in the following years, spent some time getting help for his issues. Still, he's still more the type of person who sits the sidelines rather than jumps in, socially. So he still doesn't really date. Through my twenties, he was more or less my go-to date for weddings and such when I was single, and believe me, if there was anything between us, it would have come out then, and it never did. We've just always been friends.
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Old 05-14-2011, 10:20 AM
 
7,508 posts, read 3,909,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46 View Post
It's possible for a guy and girl to be best friends if both are in a happy relationship. Otherwise it becomes increasingly more difficult the closer they get and the more time passes. Chances are sooner or later atleast one of them is going to want more.



Do you always emphasize the NOT part when people ask? You have to be careful because you can hurt your friend by sounding so offended people believe you're a couple.
We talked about this before and I ask him how he feels when people mistaken us as a couple. He said it doesn't bother him but I told him I want to get people's fact straight before assuming.
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Old 05-14-2011, 10:46 AM
 
Location: So Cal
43,837 posts, read 42,923,590 times
Reputation: 44941
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
One of my girlfriend's best friends is a guy.. now I don't doubt her in a million years and this isn't a thread about if she is being unfaithful to me with this guy... but I guess it had me thinking, I look at him and I think he is kind of a weird guy, like who would seriously want to hang out with a girl and not get anything.. even if he secretly likes her, it still doesn't make sense because he doesn't have a chance in hell. It just got me wondering if my thinking was weird, and if it is normal for a girl and guy to be close friends. Am I the jerk for thinking it is weird to be like that with a girl and not have anything happen, or is that guy really just weird .. or gay?

I have friends that are girls but not the "bff" type.. I'm sure you guys know what I mean.. but just to distinguish before I get flamed haha
Grown up folks can have opposite sex friends, it's not that big of a deal....... I have a good friend that is a female, we just happen to share the same basic sense of humor and similar outlook on many issues.

My dad was a wanna be playboy pimp and his best friend was a woman.
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Old 05-14-2011, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,410 posts, read 18,681,665 times
Reputation: 18531
You're not a jerk for feeling the way you do. It's normal to be suspicious of your S.O.'s opposite sex friends, particularly if they find one or the other attractive. There may be a chance that this friend of hers is secretly attracted to her, and will hold on until he finally realizes there's no chance in hell. From what you've shared it sounds harmless. You're girlfriend probably wouldn't give him the time of day, however, if and when the time comes when you too have an argument you can't help but wonder what sort of advice this friend would give her. Could he be impartial or objective or would he likely try to sabotage the relationship and drive a bigger wedge between you? I've known guys who will hang in there for a long time under the guise of a friendship waiting for their opening. Sounds pathetic but it's true.

Guys and girls can be strictly friends, but any time there is an attraction between one or both, it presents a unique set of challanges that are hard to ignore for the S.O. Each couple has a different chemistry, and some can remain unphased by these friendships, most cannot. At some point it becomes an issue.
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