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"I just want him to really be happy and not feel like he HAS to do this."
Your cousin does seem to be happy and he does not have to live with a gay best friend if he does not want to live with him. Back off, leave it alone. If you love him as much as you appear to, you will still love him if he is gay. Obviously your cousin is not comfortable telling you the whole truth.
Yeah, I've always had suspicions of him being gay because of his certain mannerisms but I don't know. He seems to really love women but thanks to his feminist lesbian sister influence on him, he doesn't know how to really approach women, and since Fred is always on my cousin about the girls he meets are likes, he gets conflicted easily.
I doubt he is gay, or has bi-leanings. Think about it: he has gay/lesbian relatives and is a big supported of gay/lesbian rights, so, he is more-than-likely in a situation to where, if he was to come out gay, he would have more-than enough support to do so.
My guess is that he is just over-compensating his support by acting "friendly" to Fred's touchy-feely style.
I didn't read it all. But I don't know a single straight man that would for one second tolerate a gay man grabbing his man-parts. Me thinks your cousin is playing on the other team.
Most hetero men wouldn't. Or most wouldn't admit to it, anyways. However, there are certain groups, fringes, outliers, scenes, what-ever you want to call them, of hetero men who are simply secure enough in their sexuality to not feel threatened.
It doesn't really matter how he self-identifies. If he's attracted to his friend, he's attracted to his friend (and it sounds like he is, much as he seems to be protesting attraction to other males). Leave it be. It's his life. Does it really matter if he's straight, gay, bi? Who he wants to be with is his to choose, and his relationships are his own to negotiate.
My cousin has a gay best friend who are (obviously) very close. Sometimes, they can be a little more than just close in the emotional sense. They are very touchy-feely with each other, and his gay best friend (Fred) loves to touch him sexually (grab his crotch, ass), caresses him, and cuddle with my cousin. What they do is their business and I never really cared so much about it or gave it too much thought till now. The reason why I thought about it, and it kind of bothers me is because I feel that since Fred is single, lonely and doesn't have a boyfriend, and is the "sensitive, slightly feminine, relationship wanting gay guy" type (so he self admittedly describes himself) he kind uses my cousin as an alternate to having a boyfriend to fill his void of having a relationship. If he was to have a boyfriend, and have a happy relationship, I wonder if he would still be using my cousin to do what he does now, since he has an actual boyfriend. Or, if my cousin gets a girlfriend, I doubt my cousin would want his gay best friend to be showing all that affection around his girlfriend or any girl he might try to get with since it'll make him seem gay.
The reason why my cousin accepts it is because he is a hardcore, gay/lesbian rights supporter. Several very close members of his family are gay or lesbian and he supports the to the fullest. Which is great but I feel he should draw a fine line somewhere. For example, since his friend is gay, he'll sometimes try and taste people's acceptance out in public by holding his hand, holding him by the waste, and letting his gay friend caress him sometimes in public. Which I feel, is just over doing it to be honest and is unnecessary to throw it in people's faces. He also kind of excuses his gay friend for doing what he does because "he is gay, and that's what gay guys do and what" and for the reasons in the paragraph above for why Fred seeks it. Sometimes though, I feel my cousin is conflicted because as much as he wants to support Fred-I can tell apart of him doesn't want Fred to be showing such public display of affection sometimes but he'll feel guilty and that he is not supporting Fred or feeling embarrassed of Fred if he doesn't let Fred do that how "lovey dovey" thing.
Many people think sometimes that they are a couple because of their interaction and my cousin, I can tell, gets annoyed by it because it's ruining his chances of finding a lady. Something, which he is pretty badly desiring. Fred and my cousin have collided and gotten into some arguments over their relationship. Since my cousin is Fred's best friend, he lets my cousin stay at his apartment a lot of times and even gives him the key to the place. However, he gives my cousin grief sometimes if he goes out without him, if my cousin decides to do something that he isn't interested in doing, hangs out with certain people that's not in their clique of friends and sometimes discourages him to not go out certain nights. For example: One time Fred went out to run some errands and he asked my cousin if he wanted to join him. My cousin declined because he was tired from hanging out the night prior but later during the day, my cousin and I met up and hung out on the town and Fred found out, called my cousin, and started giving him the "Oh, so now you're going out?" type of talk. Least to say, he made my cousin feel guilty and kind of made him frustrated. It makes me feel that my cousin is possibly trying to look to fill a void of not having a girlfriend and being in a relationship, just like Fred not having a boyfriend.
It just seems like Fred kind of uses my cousins as a "boyfriend" of some sorts, like I mentioned before. I understand where my cousin is coming from in terms of being supportive. Because I also support my gay uncle, lesbian/bi/gay cousins and/or friends who are gay and love them very much. Doesn't mean I'll let them (my gay friends and of course uncle) touch me all over because they are gay though and trying to fill a void. Actually, Fred trying to cuddle with me one time when we had a little party and had gotten drunk. As I was sleeping, he tried touching me and coping a feel. I thwarted his attempts and confronted him about it. We sorted the situation out even though he tried to defend his actions by saying he's just gay, lonely etc. When I told my cousin, his reaction was "You KNOW he's gay though right? What else do you expect."
So, I feel there might something a little wrong with this picture in a way. Is there a such thing as my cousin being too accepting, tolerant, feeling some sort of pity and making excuses for Fred? Is Fred slightly (or very) manipulative with my cousin, using him in a sense for not having a boyfriend? Are they both trying to feel out each other emptiness? I don't question the friendship between the two and I can tell they both have a lot of love for each which great, beautiful. Sometimes though, I feel like they over do it, and its come to the point where they both can get too frustrated with what each one does in their individual lives, like they are TOO involved in each others. My cousin sort of looks up to Fred and basically follows him everywhere and relies on Fred a lot to guide him through life.
Anyway, I don't want to make this longer than it already is. So what are your thoughts and opinions on this?
Yes...well, seems both are gay so no big deal...'there's nothing wrong with that' to quote a phrase...and they refer to themselves as 'Sisters'. Its nothing more than an endearing term between two closest of close friends.
Embrace it...
Koale
I love how you've rationalized this as all being the gay guys fault! While knowing for absolute certainty that your cousin is 100% certified straight. This is the funniest example of denial I've seen on here in a while.
What other things about your cousin are you rationalizing away? His Barbera Striesand collection? His acute interests in fashion and design? His always dressing like he's going out? That cute way he calls other guys "mary"? That rainbow bumper sticker on his car?
Honestly, you do seem to be irrationally bent on making this a case of coercion. You may want to consider that the choice is truly your cousin's to make, and he seems to be making it.
Your cousin is gay or at the very list bi. No man I have ever met would act like your cousin is acting: letting a man grab his privates, caress him, holding his hand. It doesn't matter how accepting a man is. This is not typical straight male behavior.
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Sisters...
