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If I'm in a LDR and I"m going to be in town, that girl is getting a visit. Not might get, getting. Wouldn't matter how busy I was, I would find the time. Unless of course I wasn't that interested..... I don't know how else I don't go see her. I'm sorry.
Hey guys,
Need some advice. Have been seeing an old high school friend for about 8 months. Long distance relationship and we both have jobs that make it difficult to see each other. Two weeks ago I had asked me if we could get together that weekend. No reply. I finally sent him a text just saying it was a bit rude that he could not respond as it was Friday and we were supposed to get together on Saturday and I've been waiting around. He sends back saying he's sorry and that he has actually been in MY STATE visiting his family the whole week! Needless to say, I was not happy and did let him know it.
Then a week later I found out I had to be in his city for a business trip. I sent him a text telling him I would be there and would he like for me to perhaps stay the weekend and we could get together. No response from him for 10 days! Now he travels as an air marshal internationally so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt but this time I decided that no response meant no and I made arrangements with business clients for dinner and drinks, etc. I got a text from him on Wednesday asking if I was in town yet and I said I would be there tomorrow. Nothing from him about seeing me and I did not ask. So Thursday rolls around and he sends me a text at 6pm asking what hotel I'm at and what my room number is. I tell him that I can't see him because I have plans. I hear nothing else from him until 11pm when I'm back from dinner and drinks and am exhausted and a bit tipsy. He wants to come to my room and I tell him no. The next morning I feel bad and text him apologizing and asking if he wants to get together that night. I tell him I will rearrange my schedule but he tells me he only has an hour that morning open and take it or leave it. I leave it. He then gets extremely upset with me and says I am playing games and women always have to have control. I try to explain to him that I could not just sit around and wait for him when he never got in touch but it does no good. So I drive home all the while receiving angry texts from him. I try to apologize again but he would have none of it so I finally told him that if he wanted me to go away and move on I would do so but I thought it was a bit stupid for us to be having this fight. He tells me I'm playing a game with him and I had lied to him about coming to town, etc. Almost paranoid sounding to be honest.
Anyway, I let it go and sent him a text this morning asking if he was still angry and he says yes. I ask him if we can talk about it on the phone and he says no. I tell him I will give him a few days and we can talk then and he responds with a text that says: Delete my info from your phone. There is no cooling off..I am done. History.
Now after all this my question to you men is this: Are these words just in anger or should I do as he says?
He is an extremely sensitive man and had games played on him by his wife so very suspicious still of women. I feel I have done all I can do to remedy it. I have apologized even though I don't think it was wrong of me to assume he would not be in town. I gave him a day to cool off and he's still angry. Should I give it a few days and try to get in touch again or should I just leave him alone and move on like he says? I have no problem moving on but once I do he will be history. I'm not big on do overs once I've been told to leave.
He was never interested in anything long term with you. If he were, he would have made you a priority. Do as he says and X the guy out of your memory.
Just leave. Take it from someone who apologized way too much to someone who didn't deserve to ever have been born. Guys like that live for the drama and are controlling. Don't fall for it. If he says that he is history, take him at his word and know that he is for sure seeing someone else and that is the real reason he is starting arguments with you. He is a coward.
Well up until this past month, his behavior has been fine. He has treated me very well usually coming to see me or we would meet halfway. He always paid for everything and was really sweet.
It's only until he came to my state without telling me that things went south. I took it to mean he was losing interest and let it go. In my mind, when I told him about the business trip and he did not answer me, I pretty much thought that was it and it was over. He obviously felt I should have been more proactive and texted him the hotel information so that if he felt like it he could pop in. When I didn't do that he became childish and spiteful.
I was surprised by his reaction as before when things fell through it never seemed to be a big deal to him but then I realized that things usually fell through because of his job so it was always on his end and not mine.
Either way, he's history. I'm not going to treat him like the little boy he is and coddle him or beg him to talk to me. If he feels bad about his behavior he knows how to find me and he can correct it. If he doesn't then I will have moved on. The only thing I will miss is losing a 30 year friendship but again if he wants to behave like a child then the friendship didn't mean much either.
Your instincts are dead on, Skibad. In fact, I daresay you sound a lot like me: You'll give someone a chance, be accommodating, and try to be understanding, but if he starts acting like a tool and tries to take advantage of your good graces without reciprocity, he's outta there. Good on ya!
My SO is law enforcement and military, and has a bad ex that should have left him with issues. If he treated me like your guy did, he wouldn't be my SO.
Which reminds me... Not for nothing, but if the fellow in question is an air marshal, he should have a better rein on his temper than what the OP describes.
If anything, it makes me wonder what his ex-wife had to deal with.
Which reminds me... Not for nothing, but if the fellow in question is an air marshal, he should have a better rein on his temper than what the OP describes.
If anything, it makes me wonder what his ex-wife had to deal with.
LOL! I have to admit, I wonder the same thing. I have a feeling he is one of those men who because he has to keep so vigilant in his job that it boils over into his personal life. Personally, I gave him a lot of slack because he was devastated when she left him. But it has been two years since and he is still not really over it. He has huge trust issues regarding women and the fact that he blew up over this one little thing just amazes me. We were not even exclusive and he acts as if he owns me.
LOL! I have to admit, I wonder the same thing. I have a feeling he is one of those men who because he has to keep so vigilant in his job that it boils over into his personal life. Personally, I gave him a lot of slack because he was devastated when she left him. But it has been two years since and he is still not really over it. He has huge trust issues regarding women and the fact that he blew up over this one little thing just amazes me. We were not even exclusive and he acts as if he owns me.
LOL! I have to admit, I wonder the same thing. I have a feeling he is one of those men who because he has to keep so vigilant in his job that it boils over into his personal life. Personally, I gave him a lot of slack because he was devastated when she left him. But it has been two years since and he is still not really over it. He has huge trust issues regarding women and the fact that he blew up over this one little thing just amazes me. We were not even exclusive and he acts as if he owns me.
Well, goes to show you that it wasn't all her that ended his marriage. It does take 2 to tango and very rarely does a relationship or marriage ended because of one person.
I think you missed a bullet on that one. Next time, don't make excuses for bad behavior.
Just wanted to update you because it's a bit hilarious. I did as he asked and left him alone and this past Wednesday I get a text from him "dumping" me! There was a split second of anger where I thought you have got to be kidding because how cowardly to dump someone through text messages but then I figured he was just trying to get me angry or upset so I very calmly texted him back and said that it was for the best. I told him I would hate to lose him as a friend but that the relationship really wasn't working and I wished him the best of luck. Have not heard from him since and hope he followed his own advice and deleted me as well.
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