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Which is more of a turn-off for you, relationships-wise: over-excessive confidence (arrogance), or lower-level or underdeveloped confidence (timidity)?
ETA: to start off, I myself chose the former option.
For me, timidity in a woman is more of a turnoff. People with a high level of self confidence are called arrogant by those who do not know them. Usually, when they get to know the person their views of them change to "Well, I used to think you were arrogant, but after getting to know you and more about you, I realize its just confidence".
This thing you call "arrogance" is one of the non physical things that really attracted me to my wife when I first met her. She had this kind of Studio City/Sherman Oaks/Moscow priviledged bit*hy girl vibe about her that I LOVED. Some to this day may think of her as being arrogant/bitc*y/stuck up/conceited, but it really just comes from being self confident.
A timid woman can still by physically attractive, but usually this timidity stems from being unsure of herself and/or lacking confidence.
Arrogance is not defined as being overly confident. The definition of arrogance is "offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride." Arrogant person acts superior towards others and regards them as inferior to him.
If you take someone who truly fits the CORRECT definition of arrogance and compare him to timid person, then I would prefer timid person all the way.
PS: it's also easier to teach a timid person how to gain confidence, than teaching an arrogant person humility.
Arrogance is not defined as being overly confident. The definition of arrogance is "offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride." Arrogant person acts superior towards others and regards them as inferior to him.
If you take someone who truly fits the CORRECT definition of arrogance and compare him to timid person, then I would prefer timid person all the way.
PS: it's also easier to teach a timid person how to gain confidence, than teaching an arrogant person humility.
(bolded portion above)
Perhaps...but one might logically conclude that ultra-excessive confidence, taken to the extreme, may be likely to lead to the criteria you had cited for arrogance. But I definitely agree of much of what you said!
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 05-18-2011 at 09:58 PM..
Reason: Adds / Clarified language
Arrogance is not defined as being overly confident. The definition of arrogance is "offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride." Arrogant person acts superior towards others and regards them as inferior to him.
If you take someone who truly fits the CORRECT definition of arrogance and compare him to timid person, then I would prefer timid person all the way.
PS: it's also easier to teach a timid person how to gain confidence, than teaching an arrogant person humility.
Well said. I'll take timid over the true definition of arrogance any day. Shyness is something you can work on, arrogance usually requires some degree of humility or enlightenment by the individual to overcome...unfortunately arrogant people rarely ever succumb to humility.
Arrogance is always a big turn off. Self confidence is a completely different thing. The two have nothing in common. The former means thinking you know everything, are better than others and have little time for other people's views and opinions. The latter means you are confident enough NOT to have to shove your views onto everyone else, confident enough to listen and confident enough in your beliefs not to need to be seen as superior or constantly reassured by other people's assent and approval.
Self confidence means not feeling threatened that others may disapprove or not like you. It means you have a knowledge of yourself within you which requires no external validation but also that you have the strength to hear others and to have a two way dialogue.
Arrogance to me is a sign of weakness and a sign of ultimately a lack of self esteem. An outward sign of being childish and unable to bend. Being self confident gives you the power to be wrong ( and admit it)and still not feel defeated. Arrogance has to be right all the time and that to me is the biggest turn off ever. Arrogant people I avoid like the plague.
Self confidence is attractive because it is still respectful.
Timidity is fine if it does not go over a certain line. I do find people who are too wishy washy in their opinions rather off putting though. Mild and quiet is great. But people who stand for nothing will fall of everything as they say. And that is as dangerous as arrogance in a way.
I like people who have views and can assert them, people who stand for something and I know plenty of those people who are what would termed timid. Being a walk over however is not an attractive trait either. You can be a real Lion but still have a quiet roar if that makes sense. I do not like people who agree with everything you say though, that to me like arrogance is just a sign of having no guts.
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