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Very strange that I hear very little from the woman and men here scream "Cheater, Cheater, Cheater" as they do with any man that that does the same thing.
Thanks for setting the record straight about the issue at hand Donie!
You brought it up in the orginal post, no? I did bring it up as a response to the hypocracy of many responders. I will say no more as I believe your cheating was a realistic human response to the situation you were in.
Added:
If I go through some of the "Responders" post in other post I will find they will hone in on a man's infidelity and ignore all else. Some will even put a man's infidelity up their with being an abuser and child molestator. Ok, I'll stop already!
You brought it up in the orginal post, no? I did bring it up as a response to the hypocracy of many responders. I will say no more as I believe your cheating was a realistic human response to the situation you were in.
I can't speak for all posters and I agree there are many people on here that want to talk about the OP cheating and especially if the OP was a man BUT to me, that's a non-issue since the thread isn't about cheating. My answer would still be the same whether male or female.
Without the cheating, the abuse while drinking would most likely be something that could be cured if the guy stopped drinking (aka he's "just" a really nasty drunk), so she would be able to try a get-sober-or-I-leave last ditch to save it if she wanted to.
With the cheating, the abuse is most likely the guy's base emotions towards her coming out with the alcohol. There is no salvaging this, because even getting him to sober up won't solve what's wrong.
Basically, the cheating is so intertwined with the abuse, that through the abuse it becomes an issue (with regards to impacting the OP; it seems pretty clear that the husband was on the edge of ending the marriage himself over "just" the cheating since he agreed so readily and enthusiastically when the topic came up).
Without the cheating, the abuse while drinking would most likely be something that could be cured if the guy stopped drinking (aka he's "just" a really nasty drunk), so she would be able to try a get-sober-or-I-leave last ditch to save it if she wanted to.
With the cheating, the abuse is most likely the guy's base emotions towards her coming out with the alcohol. There is no salvaging this, because even getting him to sober up won't solve what's wrong.
Basically, the cheating is so intertwined with the abuse, that through the abuse it becomes an issue (with regards to impacting the OP; it seems pretty clear that the husband was on the edge of ending the marriage himself over "just" the cheating since he agreed so readily and enthusiastically when the topic came up).
The guy is an alcoholic. No cure is going to happen if he doesn't get professional help. Also he was emotionally and physically abusing her before the cheating.
She cheated while they were separated even though they were still married but they were separated. Not the same as if they were still together.
Unfortunately, now that he knows she cheated, he will never let her forget it and will throw it in her face at every chance he can. Another mental and emotional abuse issue on his part.
I think for both of them, the hurts are too great to forgive and forget. Her for his drinking and abuses and him for her cheating. It's a lose/lose situation with them and they need to go their own way.
Ganto IMO it is a little too late for that. It is what it is.
I am hoping that the OP has left at this point. She has a big life to rebuild and I wish her well.
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