Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I goofed and posted this on the wrong forum earlier, so hopefully, this gets some more member ideas for me.
My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and have been separated off and on 3 different times over his alcohol abuse turning to emotional and physical abuse. Every time he sobers up he pulls the religion angle and says he just needs God and me and that everything will be okay as long as he leaves the booze alone. But, the bitterness runs so deep! He thinks that as soon as he shows signs of straightening up, that he should be allowed to give me ultimatums for how I spend my free time.
Granted, he has a lot to worry about. A couple of years ago I went out for dinner with some co-workers when my husband and I were separated. The dinner ended up later as a sexual interlude between me and this particular co-worker. I felt so guilty about the whole thing, I felt the need to divulge this episode to my husband before we started over from scratch. So, now, he feels he cannot trust me. I feel I don't want to please him, and round and round we go. The bitterness runs deep on both sides. We tried marriage counselling once, but it turned into a big gripe session between the counsellor and my husband about what a cheating jerk I was to disregard our vows. I fully take responsible for my actions and have profusely apologized, however, I can't get over the continual barage of emotional and physical abuse I endure over it at home. It makes it so when he gives me requests of my free time that I want to do anything but what he asks!!!! It feels like being in high school all over again with people dictating your life, but at least then, I knew my folks loved me!!! I really doubt that my needs are an important part of the equation in our marriage.
While no one (e.g. you) deserves to be with an abusive alcoholic, he is right in that why should he trust you? You cheated on him (separated is not divorced).
Divorce and get on with your separate lives now, please.
Do you have kids? If not, end it. You're both miserable and clearly making each OTHER miserable. So many times, relationships can turn into pi$$ing contests.....who can hit the hardest and inflict the greatest amount of pain, that kind of lifestyle is nothing but a "baggage creater" and is a pure and simple waste of life.
Separation seems to be a very gray area. It'd be best if couples agreed what kind of separation it is: if it's just a time-out needed in order to sort out their problems and get back together without dating other people, or it's just a prelude to divorce for sure. If this is done, they won’t need to bicker about what constitutes “cheating” if they do get back together later.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
