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I have been dating someone for almost 5 months now and he says that for right now all he sees is dating in our future. I asked him if that means he's just killing time or if that meant it was just too soon to say that yeah he sees something there. He says that because he doesnt see it now doesn't mean hes not open to it later. He cares about me and doesn't want to break up but I'm starting to feel like it may go nowhere. When asked why he wanted to try dating me he said his thoughts were "why not, let's see what happens"
So am I overthinking things, is saying we're not at the place where we'd change our lives for each other a bad thing?
You either fall in love on first sight, .... or have to learn enough about them, interact with them, spend time with them, to fall in love gradually. Unless you are locked into a reality show house, the actual time you will spend with someone you are dating will be just a few hours a week, so actually building that time up will day many calendar weeks / months, at a minimum.
But there is also a concern that this process plateaus, with the getting-to-know-you part pretty much over. Once you are past that point, then you are just coasting, and should think if you want to kick it back into a relationship growth state, or cut bait and start fishing for someone new.
These are all very subject judgement calls, no set timelines or deadlines. And it's a certainty that how you see the relationship will be different than how your SO sees it. How much and in what way is also some of the variables.
Sorry, no easy answer on this. If there were, I'd start my one dating company and make a bundle.
I have been dating someone for almost 5 months now and he says that for right now all he sees is dating in our future. I asked him if that means he's just killing time or if that meant it was just too soon to say that yeah he sees something there. He says that because he doesnt see it now doesn't mean hes not open to it later. He cares about me and doesn't want to break up but I'm starting to feel like it may go nowhere. When asked why he wanted to try dating me he said his thoughts were "why not, let's see what happens"
So am I overthinking things, is saying we're not at the place where we'd change our lives for each other a bad thing?
after 5 months if he actually was honest enough to tell you that i'd take heed and leave. if you want more than dating it wont be with him.
I have been dating someone for almost 5 months now and he says that for right now all he sees is dating in our future. I asked him if that means he's just killing time or if that meant it was just too soon to say that yeah he sees something there. He says that because he doesnt see it now doesn't mean hes not open to it later. He cares about me and doesn't want to break up but I'm starting to feel like it may go nowhere. When asked why he wanted to try dating me he said his thoughts were "why not, let's see what happens"
So am I overthinking things, is saying we're not at the place where we'd change our lives for each other a bad thing?
If a guy bluntly says 'I see this relationship as "dating only" 'then he doesn't give a rip either way.
My advice to you is to move on.
When you date someone you are looking to see if they are a compatible mate for marriage. If he sees nothing in the future then he isn't caring.
Don't waste your time. I think this wasn't something that is to be talked about really. Most of the time we just go with the flow so to speak.
(I'm a woman, FYI.) My take on this is that he's telling you he's not serious, at least right now. The gamble is you have to assess the chance that one day he will decide he's serious, that you're the one, etc versus the other option that he'll use you for a good time then dump you when someone he really wants comes along. There's no way to predict the future.
I will say that in my experience, 5 months is usually long enough to know if someone is compatible with you or not, at least in a general sense. 5 months might be too soon to say "let's get married" or "I know this will lead to xyz" but what concerns me more is that either this guy doesn't know what he wants, OR he knows what he wants and you're not it (but he wants it with another woman who isn't you), OR he knows what he wants and it's not something serious.
So my advice would be that if you want something serious (ever) in your life, this guy is a losing bet.
5 Months of dating and all he can see in the future is more dating?
I mean geezez 5 months? By that time he should almost(if not definitely) know whether he intends to propose to you or not.
Thats either some really seriously kick-ass dating or he isn't really that into you and is just keep seeing you until he finds someone else to spend time with.
In your shoes I wouldn't be exclusive with him unless he made his mind up or the dates were very hot and satisfyingly frequent.
If my now-wife would have asked me that 5 months into our relationship she would have heard a similar answer. If you're in that big of a hurry you would do best to move on.
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