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^ I know. But, my neediness and dependence makes it really hard for me to let go. I did get something out of the relationship after all....
Even though I am trying to occupy my time with other stuff, I'm still having a really hard time. I still sit back hoping she will contact me, and I still wish I could talk to her (even though I know I shouldn't). And it hurts when I see her having fun with other people, while I'm at the other side of the group, e.g.
^ I know. But, my neediness and dependence makes it really hard for me to let go. I did get something out of the relationship after all....
Even though I am trying to occupy my time with other stuff, I'm still having a really hard time. I still sit back hoping she will contact me, and I still wish I could talk to her (even though I know I shouldn't). And it hurts when I see her having fun with other people, while I'm at the other side of the group, e.g.
I think it's important to remember that neediness and dependence are learned behaviors. They can be changed. They are not permanent fixtures of your personality, unless you choose that you wish to keep them. Think about that.
Yes, you did get something out of the relationship. You got a fantasy. You got to fantasize when you two were together that she felt the same way, that she would one day want the whole package with you, want to be your girlfriend, etc. But sadly, that didn't turn out to be reality. So yes, you got the short term payoff of not facing reality. But in the long term, it always would have hurt.
Sometimes it's better to trade the short-term hurt in favor of long term better feelings. If it hurts to see her on the other side of the group having fun with others, then maybe you need to find a new group. Don't abandon them entirely, but you should find others you can socialize with so this one girl doesn't start to seem like the last one on the planet.
I think it's important to remember that neediness and dependence are learned behaviors. They can be changed. They are not permanent fixtures of your personality, unless you choose that you wish to keep them. Think about that.
Yes, you did get something out of the relationship. You got a fantasy. You got to fantasize when you two were together that she felt the same way, that she would one day want the whole package with you, want to be your girlfriend, etc. But sadly, that didn't turn out to be reality. So yes, you got the short term payoff of not facing reality. But in the long term, it always would have hurt.
Sometimes it's better to trade the short-term hurt in favor of long term better feelings. If it hurts to see her on the other side of the group having fun with others, then maybe you need to find a new group. Don't abandon them entirely, but you should find others you can socialize with so this one girl doesn't start to seem like the last one on the planet.
That's true. And I hope therapy can help me un-learn those behaviors.
You're right. All my close friends are telling me similar advice, but it's so hard for me. My thoughts keep returning to her and whether she will want to be friends again in the future. Granted, she never said that she wanted to stop being friends, but I feel like if she doesn't contact me in these next weeks/months while I'm sorting out my feelings, then she doesn't really care a whole lot about the friendship.
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