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Another thread on here about how you handle compliments has made me think about compliments in general...
Do you think that there are levels of compliments? Like ones you take less seriously because the actual compliment seems frivolous?
For example, when my wife tells me I am cute, it's more a compliment I blow off...because 'cute' or 'sweet' is silly and frivolous. Or when people tell me I look good one day or something...I think, "Oh, good..." but I don't really take much from that.
But when she says (or anyone says) I am smart, I feel really good about myself. Or someone says, "You've accomplished a lot" or "You're good with your money." Or "You're someone we can count on." These are compliments that would really warm me.
Does it reflect the importance we give those traits? Or is intelligence more objectively ascertained than cuteness or sweetness or looks?
Is one of kind of compliment more likely to be thrown out in an off-hand manner?
Looks are more important than intelligence. Sounds like you enjoy being called smart a lot more than being called good looking. Everyone takes compliments differently I guess.
I think a lot has to do with who is extending the compliment. When a friend or family members compliments you it's much more simple to accept and you know exactly what they are talking about. When it's someone you don't really know that well, or even someone you are dating, the waters can get a little muddy. Because we often take our loved ones for granted, I think we sometimes put more stock into compliments that come from random people since they aren't as biased.
The word "cute" always seemed very generic to me. It's tough to call what that means exactly. I mean, kittens and puppies are cute, but for adults there is a very wide range of what falls into the cute category and it can be different for everyone.
Looks are more important than intelligence. Sounds like you enjoy being called smart a lot more than being called good looking. Everyone takes compliments differently I guess.
Hm...maybe one person would feel like one compliment would be more true and the other more likely to be insincere pleasantries?
Hm...maybe one person would feel like one compliment would be more true and the other more likely to be insincere pleasantries?
Yeah, you're probably right. I work out and really take care of myself and my face/body, and expect to be told at least once a day at work that I'm attractive by a customer. But to hear that I'm smart... I don't even feel comfortable hearing that. It's just not important to me. Ha what a shallow dick I am.
Ok, Cool...but what about two different kinds of compliments from the same person (loved one or stranger)?
Btw, I NEVER get tired of hearing my wife call me a smartie.
Compliments that are more specific seem to carry more weight. So if that person says you are a hard worker, a great parent, or appreciate a certain talent you possess, it's easier to put into context. If they you're sexy or cute, it doesn't really give you the how, why, or what for.
I don't read much into compliments. If I do get them I just see it as a nice gesture and I appreciate it. Though every once in awhile there's that person who may or may not be paying you a compliment and you're left not knowing if they were actually complimenting you or taking a shot at you. Those are the ones that leave me a little baffled. Some people just seem to have a knack for it.
If a family member tells you you're so smart when you're graduating college, chances are you'll take it genuinely and respond sincerely.
If a friend compliments you on your new nice car, you might be humble and redirect it, since you don't want to gloat in front of a friend.
If a girl at a bar tells you that you smell nice, you should take it as flirting and respond by teasing her. Just saying "thank you" would kill the tension.
It depends both on who is giving the compliment and how well the subject of the compliment is aligned with one's value system.
For instance, a compliment on how well I perform a job means more to me than a compliment about how handsome I am. Likewise, a job performance compliment from my boss means more than the same from one of my subordinates.
The more a compliment validates my self-perception, the more weight I give it.
As a fairly recent widow I notice that I can be a little nervous if a male friend "gushes" over me and calls me sweet and nice and attentive etc...I'm probably hyper-sensitive right now because I'm not ready to date or start something new with anyone yet...If this same male friend compliments me for being smart or for something I've written I don't feel quite so nervous. No alarms go off! (Unless they get too "gushy" when they say it.)
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