My husband doesnt sound pretty smart right now!!! (wife, how to, men)
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DH wants to go to UTI and i was ok with that til he talked to someone and they told him the closest one was in CHICAGO! We stay in westland michigan thats a 3-4hr drive just to get there and he has school monday- friday for 6hrs. His idea was that he would move up there to go to school for a yr! HELLOOOO DUMMY! I work fulltime you dont, and we have 2kids! HOW IS THAT GOING TO WORK?
He gets unemployment so he says he'll move up there for a yr and come back to michigan every weekend! THAT DOESNT EVEN SOUND RIGHT! HOW WILL THAT WORK? IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF HE WAS GOING TO CHICAGO FOR A DAMN JOB NOT FUKIN SCHOOL! WHO WILL WATCH OUR KIDS WHILE I GO TO WORK AND PROVIDE FOR OUR KIDS AND THE APT WE HAVE HERE?
He says he doesnt have any answers to any questions im asking. So i asked him why not wait til next yr when we move to dallas, tx to start school because there's one in dallas. He says because when he gets down there he wants to start working and not have to worry about school. HE IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF BECAUSE NOW HE'S MAD SAYING THAT IM SHOOTING HIS DREAMS DOWN! IM NOT IM HONESTLY ASKING QUESTIONS I NEED THE ANSWERS TOO. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT LEAVING ME IN MICHIGAN WITH TWO KIDS AND TWO DOGS WHILE YOU JUST GO TO SCHOOL!
DH wants to go to UTI and i was ok with that til he talked to someone and they told him the closest one was in CHICAGO! We stay in westland michigan thats a 3-4hr drive just to get there and he has school monday- friday for 6hrs. His idea was that he would move up there to go to school for a yr! HELLOOOO DUMMY! I work fulltime you dont, and we have 2kids! HOW IS THAT GOING TO WORK?
He gets unemployment so he says he'll move up there for a yr and come back to michigan every weekend! THAT DOESNT EVEN SOUND RIGHT! HOW WILL THAT WORK? IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF HE WAS GOING TO CHICAGO FOR A DAMN JOB NOT FUKIN SCHOOL! WHO WILL WATCH OUR KIDS WHILE I GO TO WORK AND PROVIDE FOR OUR KIDS AND THE APT WE HAVE HERE?
He says he doesnt have any answers to any questions im asking. So i asked him why not wait til next yr when we move to dallas, tx to start school because there's one in dallas. He says because when he gets down there he wants to start working and not have to worry about school. HE IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF BECAUSE NOW HE'S MAD SAYING THAT IM SHOOTING HIS DREAMS DOWN! IM NOT IM HONESTLY ASKING QUESTIONS I NEED THE ANSWERS TOO. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT LEAVING ME IN MICHIGAN WITH TWO KIDS AND TWO DOGS WHILE YOU JUST GO TO SCHOOL!
Ok vent over lol... woooosaaaaa!
yeah, he's not thinking about what's best for the family. Sorry. That's very impractical.
Granted, I can't see how it could work. On the other hand, you seem so worked up about it that you couldn't find a solution if one does exist! With limited income and kids, I don't see how you could support two separate households anyway, so it seems very unlikely that it could work. Now, knowing that's the case, it would be far better to be gracious and supportive and discuss all the issues and see if there are any solutions. Do a budget together, figure out all the costs including child care, rent, tuition, etc., and see where you get. Rather than being the naysayer and bad guy, he'll see for himself that it can't be done (as is probably the case).
Or, perhaps there's some way it could work. I'm dealing with a similar issue now, but don't have the constraints you're facing. DW (if the acronym holds, that's my Dear Wife LOL) is heading off to Toronto in a week to go to school for (only) four months, to get training that will allow her to make a career change. In this case, the education idea is hers, but the location suggestion is mine, because there are no local programs. At least in Toronto she can stay with family and avoid housing costs on top of tuition. Plus, our kids are grown, so her absence doesn't create an extra burden for me.
Anyway, an angry response isn't going to do either of you any good, and probably do some real harm.
What is he planning to take at UTI? Does he want to do basic mechanics type work, or get involved in customization and such?
Also, is he sure UTI will get him the training he will need? I have heard some horror stories about UTI and Wyotec where people move and spend to attend the school, only to find there is nobody willing to hire them.
If it is normal stuff, is there a community college closer to where you live where he could attend and learn it? That might get him started, where he can then add more complex training in while working a lower level job?
As for how it would work if he does go, it would work. It would be difficult for both of you. I knew someone who took a job in DC, while her husband stayed here. That is an 8 hour drive. She came home on weekends. Granted, they did not have kids, but they made it work for 4 years. She eventually came back. They both had incomes too which helped.
It depends on your situation too. If for a year you had to make due, could you afford it? He would have to pay living expenses in Chicago. You may need extra babysitting and would have a greater burden with your kids. That said, if after a year, he can get a good job when you do move, might it be worth a year of suffering through for a better future?
Lots of possible pros and cons to weigh for both of you. It sounds like it would be extremely tough to pull off. However, with careful planning ahead of time it might be possible.
Well, it really doesn't sound like a practical idea at all. You're right, it would probably not work.
Your husband sounds desperate though. I think he wants to make things better for all of you, he's just not thinking clearly.
If you want him NOT to do this, sit down with him, tell him how much you appreciate him trying to make a better future for your family, and say "Let's figure out how to make this work."
Seriously, if you tell him he's an idiot, or worse, tell him he CAN'T move, he will. He'll have no other choice.
Don't underestimate the power of the male ego in forcing us men into stupid decisions we'll later regret.
An example of this is when, a few years ago, I wanted to buy a motorcycle. If my wife would have said, "NO! No way in hell you're buying a motorcycle!", I would have ridden home on one that same night.
Instead, she said, "Well, it makes sense. A used bike is cheap compared to another car, gets good mileage, and is cheap to insure. Just do me a favor, promise me you'll take a safe rider's course and always wear a helmet. Also, could you wait just a few months until we get some other bills paid off?"
I'm not stupid, I know she didn't want me to get that bike, but she let me figure out it wasn't a good choice on my own. She won without me having to lose......
It seems like there is indeed logistical difficulties, on the other hand he's unemployed and it would be an ideal time to gain knowledge that would lead to employment.
How about looking for solutions instead, like move the family to Chicago? Or find an alternate school closer by.
I think the two of you should sit down together, perform a benefit-cost analysis on each of the several scenarios you can think of, and choose the option with the greatest net benefit.
Lots of possible pros and cons to weigh for both of you. It sounds like it would be extremely tough to pull off. However, with careful planning ahead of time it might be possible.
Welcome to the Relationship forum, and I agree with this quote.
It sounds like next year would be for the best. Sit down and talk to him about it. Good Luck!
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