Single Mother/Single Father: What's the Bigger Dating Handicap? (wife, boyfriend, married)

[BajanYankee]

Is it easier for a single mother or a single father to date? Are women more forgiving than men when it comes to this subject?

[ChessieMom]

I think the bigger handicap goes to the one that has custody...simply due to time constraints. I don't think it matters whether you are the mom or the dad.

[crisan]

I think the handicap would go to the person who didn't learn anything from the separation. It would show in their interaction with their child. But for all practical reasons, I agree with Chessiemom.

[MrRational]

If you have kids AND want more than a casual or just sexual relationship from this "dating"...
then don't waste your time with anyone who doesn't also already have kids.

It's about whether the NEW person they're dating wants to be doing the picket fence thing or not.
Those who already have kids... are pretty much in that mode by default.
---

Then of course there are those (MILLIONS!) so beat up emotionally and/or financially that they just aren't capable
of having anything more serious than the casual thing even if they genuinely (and often desperately) want more.

Start by knowing who YOU are.

[pvande55]

Since they usually have custody, single mothers are at a greater disadvantage. Single fathers do have their issues, particularly child support obligations and unavailablity when they have visitation, that childless men do not; but unless they have custody they are not as encumbered.

[Pierce2011]

I dated this guy for almost 4 yrs who had joint custody of his kid. Even though we were both single parents, it really was so much more difficult on him than it was me. I think he had the bigger "handicap" as you put it, because he only got to see his child every weekend and never on weekdays because of school. Which of course strained our relationship. With both of us working all the time, we cherished our dates together. It was VERY difficult on him to be away from his kid for most of the week and still try to pursue a relationship with me. He wasn't the type of Dad who only saw his kid once or twice a month. He was a great Dad who wanted to see his child every day but couldn't. I respected him so much for that. But it really put a major strain on us. I know this sounds horrible of me, but I finally had to put my foot down and demand that we spent at least one full weekend a month together. I just didn't think it was fair at all that his ex-wife could pawn her kid off on us and be with her boyfriend every single weekend! So, yes, in my situation the man was at more of a disadvantage than the women when it came to our kids. My son has two sets of awesome grandparents that thinks he walks on water. So I never had a problem finding a "babysitter" if we had a rare date night.

[malamute]

Yes, Chessiemom is right -- generally it's the custodial parent who will have the most trouble. The other parent is pretty much free to do whatever but the custodial parent has the responsibility of being home every night making sure homework is done, kids are in bed and making sure the home is a happy one for the kids. That won't leave much time for relationships.

If the other parent keeps up the visitation, then the custodial parent might have every other weekend off. The visitation parent might be short of extra money since a good chunk of his or her income goes to child support.

[max's mama]

I would imagine that the biggest handicap for all single parents is that the EX (the father or the mother of the child) will always be a part of their life, in some way or the other.

[HonestOne1]

Single Mothers have a much harder time finding a guy who will accept and raise their kids than Single Fathers.

This is a no brainer. Somewhere around 90% of all child care providers and grade school teachers are Women. Women have a natural nurturing instinct towards kids.

Guys, especially those without kids in their 30s and 40s, are primarily looking for a boink, and eventually those kids are just gonna get in the way.

[CancerianMoonPrincess]

Personally, I think it has to do with the children accepting a new member into the family. I think it's hard for single parents to date because their kids might not get along with the potential step-parent, and that could pose a problem.


My dad went through this as a kid. My grandma was divorced with two kids (my dad and aunt) and when she married another man who we deem more as our grandpa more than our biological grandpa (don't ask). Anyways, when he married my grandma, he offered to adopt my dad and aunt as his kids and that they would take his last name instead of keeping the last name from their bio dad. My dad accepted it and was happy. My aunt on the other hand, not so much. she was actually angry and resentful of him.

So in conclusion, that's why is harder because of the potential partner and the single parent's kids don't get along, the single parent could feel torn between their potential partner and their children.