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This applies to romantic relationships as well as friendships.
Do you ever attempt to smooth things over only to realize it was a mistake? Well, that's where I'm at. I don't want to get into details. I just wonder how you find peace in spite of messy endings. Sure, one can say "I made a mistake." But it just feels icky and like I should have just stuck to my guns. Can anyone else relate?
How can anyone possibly relate to???????Sounds like you tried your best to make whatever situation you were in better...you should feel peace from that.
I have tried this before....was separated from my ex-husband and we tried to reconcile...worst mistake in my life..I should have kept on walking. I did what I could but that was it!
1) Polite and honest should be enough.
2) Absent having children or other continuing common obligations... pull that band aid off and be done.
3) Continuing the conversation "about X" beyond when the decision was made to end "X"... is passive aggressive BS.
1) Polite and honest should be enough.
2) Absent having children or other continuing common obligations... pull that band aid off and be done.
3) Continuing the conversation "about X" beyond when the decision was made to end "X"... is passive aggressive BS.
I agree with numbers 1 and 2. There is nothing passive aggressive about it, just a judgement error.
However, I have a bigger problem now. My mother told me this morning she doesn't want to "be here" any longer. My dad died last year so of course I thought she was depressed over this. As it turns out, she doesn't want to "be here anymore" because of me! She doesn't want to have to worry about me! Now, THAT, is not passive aggressive, but it sure is something.
I could start a whole new thread but I won't. I don't even know how to respond to such a statement other than to be angry and just plain sad. And today marks 15 years since my divorce was finalized. NOT having a good day here.
I once had a scenario that fell along these lines - a friendship (of sorts) ended badly. I had a bad taste in my mouth and though I felt I was right, I just couldn't get over feeling like I hadn't handled it correctly. I contacted the person, thinking that I needed to say somethings, apologize for my behavior, etc.
The other person smirked, got on their high horse, etc - and at first, I felt so much worse. But after a couple days, I realized that I had done the right thing. Their actions were a reflection of THEM, not me. I decided not to continue the relationship, but had peace. I am glad I did do what I did though, contacting them and clearing the air, apologizing, etc. That doesn't mean that I have to stick around and be beaten down by them though.
This applies to romantic relationships as well as friendships.
Do you ever attempt to smooth things over only to realize it was a mistake? Well, that's where I'm at. I don't want to get into details. I just wonder how you find peace in spite of messy endings. Sure, one can say "I made a mistake." But it just feels icky and like I should have just stuck to my guns. Can anyone else relate?
Let me respond to you based on my personal experience and in a general way since you do withhold the details. And please remember that I'm just trying to be helpful.
Sure I can relate.
That usually happens when one gives in to a principle for the sake of peace and harmony and it only serves to convince the other person who was probably the troublemaker that one deserved exactly what one got-an injustice. It also happens when a person to whom one apologizes is vindictive by nature and will not rest until the score is evened. Some people can hold grudges for decades and spring the revenge when you least expect it since they have never forgotten nor forgiven. How can you find peace with such persons? You can't. You either grit your teeth and bear it or terminate the relationship and seek someone else. Unfortunately that's easier said than done. Especially when strong family ties are involved. So it can pose a very serious dillema.
BTW
When viewed unemotionally and objectively, there is really nothing romantic nor friendly or even familial about such people.
But then again your situation might not fall into the categories that I just described. However, if it does, which I suspect is very likely based on what I know of human nature, then the advice would be useful in your case.
Peace and God bless!
Last edited by Radrook; 06-18-2011 at 02:04 PM..
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And today marks 15 years since my divorce was finalized. NOT having a good day here.
