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Just listen to other people Katie. When they start to talk, draw them out by asking them to elaborate on whatever they were speaking about. As far as how you look, change it...get a new haircut, change your style...do whatever will make you feel better about yourself.
I hate it. I think its one of the reasons why I don't have any true friends. All I know is how to talk about myself and inept at carrying on a good conversation. My social skills have always sucked. Never had a real date in my life. I see myself as a loser and ugly. When I talk about myself all the time, I feel like a narccist. I dislike asking people questions about themselves because I don't want to come off being intrusive or when I've done it in the past it was just a brief response like yeah
It takes practice which includes making mistakes and learning from them. It is called self-control and if the adults in your life did not have this as a goal for you to learn starting since childhood, you will have to figure it out for yourself.
One reason you may be talking too much about yourself is because you are trying to prove something or explain something about yourself.
I know you don't want to come off as being intrusive but that is what boundaries are for. You can't be afraid to cross boundaries. What should concern you is when you continue to cross them after somebody has let you know in one way or another.
There is nothing scary about a person letting you know that you have crossed a boundary. Some are less tact about it than others. All you have to do is respect it. No need to feel bad that you did it once.
Also, many people talk too much because they are nervous with silence. Try to get comfortable with silence. Every minute does not have to be filled with sound.
Yeah i wouldn't worry about it, if you talk about yourself a lot you'll find someone whos interested in talking to you and actually will listen to you and being talking about themselves too. If you catch yourself talking about yourself alot, just give like an "and you?" type question and ask what they think about it.
Take an interest in other people. Speak little, listen a lot and ask questions about them. The fact you think you talk too much about yourself is a great start.
Some people take offense when they are asked with questions even with impersonal ones such as birthday or plans for the weekend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bisjoe
That's the idea. Pick up on whatever the persons do say about themselves and show interest by asking follow up questions. Something like "I've always been interested in ........too, but never tried it. What do you like most about it?" or "how did you get started in it?
Just stay away from really personal questions until they volunteer something
personal.
yeah, I try to do that because there are some things I don't want people asking me about.
I'm sure you already know this, but there is literally nothing more boring than people who talk about themselves endlessly. It's an immediate and complete turn-off.
The people who are considered instantly charming and attractive are those who listen attentively and allow the other person to talk about themselves or their interests. No wonder you're lonely and unattached... if you do nothing but drone on about yourself, people will literally run from you. You say you're inept at drawing other people out. That's hard to believe. People always want to talk about their passions and hobbies.
For instance, if you see a colleague with a Grand Canyon keychain, you should immediately say, "Hey, have you recently been there? I've always wanted to go." Then allow them to talk (and they will talk, believe me). Let's say they hike there. Ask them, "Wow, how do you prepare for that? Do you hike other places as well? I'd love to see some photos..." Then if/when they bring photos, take a geniune interest. Ask open-ended questions. "The light here looks early in the morning. What time did you start your hike?" etc.
I hate it. I think its one of the reasons why I don't have any true friends. All I know is how to talk about myself and inept at carrying on a good conversation. My social skills have always sucked. Never had a real date in my life. I see myself as a loser and ugly. When I talk about myself all the time, I feel like a narccist. I dislike asking people questions about themselves because I don't want to come off being intrusive or when I've done it in the past it was just a brief response like yeah
You definitely seem like a nice enough person, here on C-D! Also your posts are frequently very eloquent and expressive I personally enjoy reading your posts! I seriously think that perhaps you may underestimate yourself, and your own abilities.
You're *not* a loser...pls don't feel that way Maybe you're just a lil shy, is all? (Nothing wrong with that, either...a lotta ppl are shy; you just have to talk to ppl more, and become more comfortable with carrying conversations with ppl IRL.)
I hate it. I think its one of the reasons why I don't have any true friends. All I know is how to talk about myself and inept at carrying on a good conversation. My social skills have always sucked. Never had a real date in my life. I see myself as a loser and ugly. When I talk about myself all the time, I feel like a narccist. I dislike asking people questions about themselves because I don't want to come off being intrusive or when I've done it in the past it was just a brief response like yeah
Maybe your just a negative person..who dwells on the negativity..
Do you like yourself?
Get help...asap
The people with whom you hang out such as the users and boozers may not be the best subjects on who to practice social skills and intelligent conversation.
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Also your posts are frequently very eloquent and expressive 
I personally enjoy reading your posts! 
I seriously think that perhaps you may underestimate yourself, and your own abilities.
Maybe you're just a lil shy, is all? 
(Nothing wrong with that, either...a lotta ppl are shy; you just have to talk to ppl more, and become more comfortable with carrying conversations with ppl IRL.)
