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Old 06-29-2011, 10:46 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 3,393,373 times
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A shy smile, as she turns away..

Women have to realize that though it probably is more natural for a man to do the pursuing, most men have a shy side to them as well. Let's face it, rejection is not fun for anyone.
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Old 06-29-2011, 10:48 AM
 
406 posts, read 579,409 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Why even mention it? It makes you sound like one of those guys that hits on a girl - and when she turns him down - says something like - You're ugly anyway.

Stay classy and keep comments like those to yourself. Or better yet - don't think them in the first place.

I've never hit on a girl and have still had girls show interest, so calling them names after that doesn't apply to me.
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Old 06-29-2011, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,094,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaolin070388 View Post
I've never hit on a girl and have still had girls show interest, so calling them names after that doesn't apply to me.
In one ear and out the other...

Just my 2 cents - comments like that make you sound like a jerk. It's better to think them and not say them. It's best to not think them at all.
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Old 06-29-2011, 10:57 AM
 
Location: SXSW
640 posts, read 1,728,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Not so. Though I'm shy, I've always been a little bolder than most women about going for what I want and I've finally come to the conclusion that if a man isn't asking me out, it's because he doesn't want to go out with me. I've also learned that if he doesn't reject my invitation, but he's not interested, it will become very obvious very soon and make for a most uncomfortable date and rejection would have been easier than slogging thru a date with a man who doesn't want to be with me.
This is the honest truth. I used to make excuses for a guy that I liked. I figured that maybe he was shy, or maybe he's intimidated or maybe blah blah blah. In the end, if he's not asking you out, he's not into you. My ex-boyfriend said that he was a very meek guy with a hidden nerdy side. Yet, when it came to me, he made huge strides to make his attraction to me well known.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaolin070388 View Post
Just for the record, a lot of women ignore the guy they like. And just because a woman flirts and laughs at everything you say, doesn't mean she's into you. I had a girl show every classic sign of interest only to find out she had a boyfriend(which didn't come from her).
Very true as well. I'm very intimidated by men I find attractive. In fact, it is easier for me to joke around with men I'm not attracted to at all. The first step to it all is trying to be comfortable around him, which is tough for a girl sometimes.
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:00 AM
 
406 posts, read 579,409 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
In one ear and out the other...

Just my 2 cents - comments like that make you sound like a jerk. It's better to think them and not say them. It's best to not think them at all.

I think a lot of things. It doesn't mean I act on them. If you think that's the worst thing I'm thinking of right now, you're in for a rude awakening.


Quote:
Very true as well. I'm very intimidated by men I find attractive. In fact, it is easier for me to joke around with men I'm not attracted to at all. The first step to it all is trying to be comfortable around him, which is tough for a girl sometimes.

I've noticed that as well. Girls may look and not say anything, some may flat out ignore me(which I'll take as stuck up), and some aren't afraid to come up to me and say something. The latter is a huge minority though.
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:02 AM
 
47 posts, read 104,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Just for the record - not all women do this on purpose. I have accidentally done this on many occassions. I'm a very friendly and outgoing person and sometimes guys can misread me. I'm also very friendly and outgoing with women - so it's not like I'm trying to mislead people. Sometimes I forget that new people don't know that I'm married (or have a boyfriend back when I wasn't married) and I don't pick up on the signs that they are into me until it's too late! Once I was thinking that my friend might like this guy I just met - so I was trying to get to know a bit about him. The next day, he called me to ask me out. Oops!
I'm very comfortable with myself and very comfortable talking with new people. I like to laugh and joke a lot. It's not necessarily an attention seeking thing - I like to have a good time! My husband and all my other boyfriends have all been okay with this because it's just part of who I am. One of my boyfriends said I was "oblivious" - and he could be right. But all I know is that I've never meant to lead anyone on.
I don't doubt that your character is friendly and it can be misread. But you are also aware of this. If it was me trying to get to know someone for a friend of mine, I immediately think that it could be misunderstood, so I don't think it would be too hard to make it known directly or indirectly that you are taken.

My ex would never mention to any guy that she was taken. So she had all these men around her that she called "friends", but they were in reality backup plans..and this was confirmed. Hence the breakup.
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,094,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaolin070388 View Post
I think a lot of things. It doesn't mean I act on them. If you think that's the worst thing I'm thinking of right now, you're in for a rude awakening.
Look, it makes no difference to me. You can take the high road or you can take the low road. It's all up to you. I always try to choose the high road. It's not always the easiest road - but at the end of the day - it's the one that makes me happier.
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:05 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 3,393,373 times
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Originally Posted by simpleharmonicmotion View Post
This is the honest truth. I used to make excuses for a guy that I liked. I figured that maybe he was shy, or maybe he's intimidated or maybe blah blah blah. In the end, if he's not asking you out, he's not into you. My ex-boyfriend said that he was a very meek guy with a hidden nerdy side. Yet, when it came to me, he made huge strides to make his attraction to me well known.



Very true as well. I'm very intimidated by men I find attractive. In fact, it is easier for me to joke around with men I'm not attracted to at all. The first step to it all is trying to be comfortable around him, which is tough for a girl sometimes.
Not always true; there were a lot of girls I thought were very attractive and I may have even sensed were into me, and yet for one reason or another I balked.. shy, too respectful sometimes of a woman's, any person's really space, etc.. so much so, that I regret not pursuing a lot of women that I probably could have..

I hope you realize that guys, all of us at one time or another, are just as intimidated by beautiful women. And I've seen this in all kinds of guys, handsome, rich, it didn't matter..
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,094,158 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by wisecrack View Post
I don't doubt that your character is friendly and it can be misread. But you are also aware of this. If it was me trying to get to know someone for a friend of mine, I immediately think that it could be misunderstood, so I don't think it would be too hard to make it known directly or indirectly that you are taken.

My ex would never mention to any guy that she was taken. So she had all these men around her that she called "friends", but they were in reality backup plans..and this was confirmed. Hence the breakup.
Well, at the time that I was getting to know someone for a friend - I was married. I guess I just expected guys to check for a ring! I know better than that now!

As for your ex - sounds like you were lucky to get out when you did!
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,735,309 times
Reputation: 15642
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
You do know this goes both ways, right?
Of course I know it goes both ways! That's why I'm kind when I turn them down and that's why I don't accept dates with men I'm clearly not interested in and that's why I try very hard to not send signals to men I'm not interested in so they won't ask me out in the first place where I'll have to deal with letting them down gently.

I have to wonder what guys want sometimes--many of you say you want a woman to ask you out, but when I get on here and mention that I do that, you still have to ask me if I realize that men don't like rejection? Duh. Nobody does, but I suck it up just like everyone should because it's not the end of the world. I move on and you should too. FTR--men send out false signals of interest also--it's not just attention craving women who do that and I have been misled into thinking a man was interested but too shy to ask me out. Now I figure that even if he's shy he'll ask me out if he's interested enough and if he doesn't, he's not interested enough. I would step up the flirting and look at him more for encouragement purposes, but it's a moot point b/c I just got divorced this year. I'm getting ready though, lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wisecrack View Post
Men though it out better though!

I think no one likes rejection; this is why we tiptoe around each other, look for signals, take one step forward, look for another signal take another step forward.

What is important to me is remaining dignified at all times. I don't know why, but keeping my dignity is important to me.
Ah yes, the age old mating dance. And yes, I agree about dignity--it's very important to me also, and an attractive quality in a potential date, which is why it's important to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaolin070388 View Post
Just for the record, a lot of women ignore the guy they like. And just because a woman flirts and laughs at everything you say, doesn't mean she's into you. I had a girl show every classic sign of interest only to find out she had a boyfriend(which didn't come from her).
Just for the record, she's probably not ignoring him--she's probably too shy to even look him in the eye, and this is what's killed my chances with every man I ever had a big crush on. She may even be an outgoing girl in every other case, but with the guy she likes best she just can't quite manage to look at him. Groan. . .
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