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Old 06-28-2011, 07:40 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,161,728 times
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I'm recently out of a relationship, it's been 2 months and I feel like getting out there and dating again. I'm slowly getting better at approaching women but it can be hard sometimes, even in a big city like Chicago, to get their attention. I should say I'm more reluctant to ask some of the women I meet out on a date or for their number, usually because I don't feel a spark with them or I can tell they just aren't into me romantically.

One thing I've been trying to do is ask my friends who are all pretty much married, engaged, or in relationships if they have any single lady friends who I could meet. I'm not asking to be set up on a blind date, just any they think I might be a match for that they could introduce me to.

Many of my friends say they don't know anyone.

Especially the girls. Girls say all their friends are married or dating someone, or they just don't have any single friends. They tell me to try online dating (many of our friends met that way) but I did that for a while and I have my reasons for never wanting to go back to that again.

I'm 28 and I'm wondering if I've hit the "too late" age to finding someone. I don't limit myself to ages, I don't mind older women (younger women I'm not as interested in for a relationship, maybe just a fling as most of them don't know what they want anyway and I don't want to get emotionally attached to those types of women.)

I'm okay with the fact that there's a good chance I'll be single the rest of my life and never get married or start a family. But I always thought the time that I realized the dating pool has become thin would be much later in my life, like 35 or 40.

Was I wrong or do I just happen to be unlucky with friends who don't know anyone who is single?
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:05 AM
 
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Try a dating service or Craigslist.
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:07 AM
 
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I think its a good thing you are content to be single for the rest of your life. It shows you are a realist.
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:20 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 5,580,744 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
I'm recently out of a relationship, it's been 2 months and I feel like getting out there and dating again. I'm slowly getting better at approaching women but it can be hard sometimes, even in a big city like Chicago, to get their attention. I should say I'm more reluctant to ask some of the women I meet out on a date or for their number, usually because I don't feel a spark with them or I can tell they just aren't into me romantically.

One thing I've been trying to do is ask my friends who are all pretty much married, engaged, or in relationships if they have any single lady friends who I could meet. I'm not asking to be set up on a blind date, just any they think I might be a match for that they could introduce me to.

Many of my friends say they don't know anyone.

Especially the girls. Girls say all their friends are married or dating someone, or they just don't have any single friends. They tell me to try online dating (many of our friends met that way) but I did that for a while and I have my reasons for never wanting to go back to that again.

I'm 28 and I'm wondering if I've hit the "too late" age to finding someone. I don't limit myself to ages, I don't mind older women (younger women I'm not as interested in for a relationship, maybe just a fling as most of them don't know what they want anyway and I don't want to get emotionally attached to those types of women.)

I'm okay with the fact that there's a good chance I'll be single the rest of my life and never get married or start a family. But I always thought the time that I realized the dating pool has become thin would be much later in my life, like 35 or 40.

Was I wrong or do I just happen to be unlucky with friends who don't know anyone who is single?
28 is not too late by any means. When your friends say they "don't know anyone" it may merely mean that they don't know anyone who they feel is right for you. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's the girl. Maybe it's just that you and the girls they know don't seem like a match in their mind. It's kind of an awkward thing to set someone up, especially if you're not sure how it will turn out. I would only recommend people to each other if I was reasonably confident they would hit it off AND that if things went poorly, they would both handle that gracefully. The last thing I want is to invite drama upon myself by having a p'ed off cousin who's mad about the friend of mine who acted like a cad and the friend who's p'ed off at me because my cousin acted like a snot (both in their own views of the other person, of course.) So I'm guessing that may be part of the reason.

To some extent, dating is a numbers game. So I think you need to broaden your social circle and get yourself in a position to meet more women. If you aren't willing to try internet dating, then you need to meet more women in real life. I would pick 2-3 new activities you could try that are appealing to women i.e. not a sports club, but a cooking class, musical group like a choir or community band, foreign language class, book club, volunteering at a homeless shelter or animal shelter, church, etc. Over time, you will get to know these women through that shared interest and you can decide if any would be a good match--worth asking out. You need to pick activities that are likely to have some women there you could share an interest with. If you're a "guy's guy" who only likes sports and beer, then you need to branch out. The problem with trying to meet women through a group that watches football every Sunday afternoon (even if that does interest you) is that there's likely to be only a small percentage of women there compared to men and if there are any women there, you're liable to face a ton of competition from the abundance of guys swarming them.
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:35 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,161,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
28 is not too late by any means. When your friends say they "don't know anyone" it may merely mean that they don't know anyone who they feel is right for you. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's the girl. Maybe it's just that you and the girls they know don't seem like a match in their mind. It's kind of an awkward thing to set someone up, especially if you're not sure how it will turn out. I would only recommend people to each other if I was reasonably confident they would hit it off AND that if things went poorly, they would both handle that gracefully. The last thing I want is to invite drama upon myself by having a p'ed off cousin who's mad about the friend of mine who acted like a cad and the friend who's p'ed off at me because my cousin acted like a snot (both in their own views of the other person, of course.) So I'm guessing that may be part of the reason.

To some extent, dating is a numbers game. So I think you need to broaden your social circle and get yourself in a position to meet more women. If you aren't willing to try internet dating, then you need to meet more women in real life. I would pick 2-3 new activities you could try that are appealing to women i.e. not a sports club, but a cooking class, musical group like a choir or community band, foreign language class, book club, volunteering at a homeless shelter or animal shelter, church, etc. Over time, you will get to know these women through that shared interest and you can decide if any would be a good match--worth asking out. You need to pick activities that are likely to have some women there you could share an interest with. If you're a "guy's guy" who only likes sports and beer, then you need to branch out. The problem with trying to meet women through a group that watches football every Sunday afternoon (even if that does interest you) is that there's likely to be only a small percentage of women there compared to men and if there are any women there, you're liable to face a ton of competition from the abundance of guys swarming them.
I actually agree with what you're saying here. Maybe I do need to try some things that aren't super interesting to me. Looking back, I realize many of my interests are primarily "guy dominated" (i.e. playing baseball, flag football, heavy metal concerts, libertarian politics). I'm not as much of a drinker as I used to be, it's just not my thing anymore and I've been working out a lot and losing weight so it's counter productive. I do love dogs, maybe I'll check out a dog shelter or something, it's just hard because my weekends are so booked this summer with things mentioned above.

As for internet dating. Yeah, I just can't go back to that. I mean, I know I'm a great guy and I always tend to have success once I actually meet them, but it's so much time and effort to find a date on those sites, especially in a major city like Chicago where there's hundreds of men on these sites. Also, let's face it, looks is 90% of it, and although I'm not a bad looking guy by any means, I'm short (only 5'8") and I am horribly unphotogenic. I don't even have that many pictures of myself to choose from, and many of them just aren't good pictures. I don't blame women for looking at my pics and then ignoring my email. That's just how online dating works for me and I've accepted that it's not a good fit for me.
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:40 AM
 
5,460 posts, read 7,758,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwamjn View Post
I think its a good thing you are content to be single for the rest of your life. It shows you are a realist.
What does that mean? <scratches head in confusion?>

ETA: at 28, OP has plenty of time. "Single for life" is by no means set in stone for him atm.
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:41 AM
 
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I agree with h886 -- a very wise lady, who always has great advice! You would never go wrong, by listening to her thoughts
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:42 AM
 
6,041 posts, read 11,468,197 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
What does that mean? <scratches head in confusion?>
I think he's saying if someone has a hard time getting a relationship, it's better for him to realize it and accept the fact rather than be hopeful that he'll get a relationship.

I can relate because I used to be hopeful that I would get a girlfriend, but I kept getting my hopes up for nothing. So somewhere along the line, I accepted the fact that I may never get a girlfriend and I learned to be content with being single. Up until recently, I was content to be single. But despite the fact that I want a girlfriend now, I accept the fact that I may never get another girlfriend.

I started a similar thread last summer and I'm younger than the OP: //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...self-into.html

Last edited by city_data91; 06-28-2011 at 08:57 AM..
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Old 06-28-2011, 09:10 AM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,138,340 times
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So step out of your comfort zone and find some other things to do. Duh. How hard is that?
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Old 06-28-2011, 09:10 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,996,281 times
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Typically, most married couples do not have a lot of single friends. Haven't you heard all the complaints about singles (feeling) being dumped when their friends pair off? It's pretty common.

On top of that, if you start fixing up friends it gets complicated. What if it doesn't work out? What if there's bad blood? Then it becomes a problem of having to decide who to invite where and making sure the two don't run into each other. Blah blah blah.

Lastly, and no offense, but you've always appeared to be rather bitter towards women. Maybe you are different in real life, but if I knew you, I wouldn't subject a female friend to the attitude you project.

28 is pretty young. If you have the right outlook, you'll do fine.
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