Is thinking about the possiblity of cheating, cheating? (girl, kids, friend)

[JerZ]

Okay, Phil, then what is it, bottom-line to you that constitutes cheating? They'd have to have penetration? Or what?

By the way, I am FAR from part of the "moral majority"...what was that about assumptions again? seems you do that sometimes, Phil...I remember not long ago you were hinting at me being "fashionably" liberal...which is it? Shall we practice what we preach, here? Or at least can you settle on the one-dimensional 'whatever' you feel I am?

That aside, I really am curious about what you, personally, have ordained as cheating. Where's the line, if you don't believe seeking out the opposite sex for romantic and/or sexual gratification of some kind, without the at least the implicit cooperation of your S.O., isn't that line?

[dr74]

Originally Posted by katestar

I have a friend who's gf just started to work a few nights a week, he works 9-5. So he told me that he's trolling craigslist at night just to "check it out." He communicates with the women as if he will get with them and then stops replying to emails after talk gets to meeting up. He says he would never meet up with any of them because he loves his girl, etc etc. Where's the line?

Directed towards the OP...

Hmm the line? He pretty muched crossed it.
I do not want to get into logisitcs like his age, mindset ect...
But I will state..because his GF started working nights he feels
the need to go on CL to "troll?" the personals ad? wow...
So he is talking to women...yet bails when the meet and greet approach?
At least he is not committed as of yet regarding cheating..however I would not want my bf on forums

[miyu]

That is cheating. If he just browsed the postings without actually contacting the people, that would be thinking about cheating.

[temptation001]

I think he's looking to get his ego stroked by seeing what women would actually want to meet him and he gets a charge out of it. One of these days he's going to meet a woman who is just his type and is good and ready to meet him and he is going to go for it and that will be the beginning of his cheating on her until the day he dies. He will marry his girlfriend and she will never find out about his "habit" and this will continue forever.

[thriftylefty]

I dunno, its kinda like shoplifting but not walking out of the store with the goods, Its a risky type of curiosity he has with these sites , but it is a "forgivable" form of cheating. I 'll go out on a limb for the guy here, but I think knowing how easy it is to cheat can sometime strengthen a relationship. It keeps people feeling they are with are person by choice and not by default and they are not trapped. These feelings take away from the quality of a relationship.
I think most cheaters male and female go with what they know , they use the same method to cheat as they did to meet their current SO. If he met his girl friend online then all bets are off

[SifuPhil]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Okay, Phil, then what is it, bottom-line to you that constitutes cheating? They'd have to have penetration? Or what?

See below - last paragraph.

By the way, I am FAR from part of the "moral majority"...what was that about assumptions again? seems you do that sometimes, Phil...I remember not long ago you were hinting at me being "fashionably" liberal...which is it? Shall we practice what we preach, here? Or at least can you settle on the one-dimensional 'whatever' you feel I am?

You're a multi-dimensional being, as most people are.

And I didn't say that YOU were part of the moral majority - please look at what I said more carefully...

Originally Posted by SifuPhil

... I understand how what I'm saying goes against the "moral majority" and what MOST people think is "proper" behavior ...

That aside, I really am curious about what you, personally, have ordained as cheating. Where's the line, if you don't believe seeking out the opposite sex for romantic and/or sexual gratification of some kind, without the at least the implicit cooperation of your S.O., isn't that line?

What I think and believe as regards "cheating" is only important to me and any SO that I am with. It isn't so much that it isn't anyone else's business (it truly is not), but that it can only apply to me and mine. It would depend upon WHO I am with, WHAT they think about it, WHY they think it, and WHEN, HOW and WHERE we would do it if we were to do it at all.

When you really stop and think about it, forums like this are NEVER about absolute right and wrong - they're opinion collectives. Opinions are shaped by personal experiences; they're rarely shared identically between two parties. So we scribble down our OWN perspectives and argue for them, invoking whatever morals, laws, beliefs or customs we subscribe to. Then we get upset that we cannot sway someone else from their Path.

No surprise.

And then posters who expect to gain wisdom, or the "right" answer, by posting their problems are usually disappointed by what they get. No surprise there, either.

Too many variables to give a pat answer to a question such as this, and we would need more space than even C-D has available to define those variables in order to produce a sensible answer- sorry.

[round4]

He's a cheater. Period. GF or wife. Cheater!!

[TaoistDude]

The "line" is wherever a particular couple draws it. This guy is in the gray area, perhaps, but he's also on a slippery slope. When you're on a slippery slope, you may ...... slip!

[K-Luv]

People need to stop inserting what they would do when such a question was never asked. Isn't it assumed that MOST would not like to be the girl in this situation? And, can it also be surmised that SOME people might not be as upset as you would in this situation?

This is just another thread where the OP comes on, writes a very small handful of words, and the congregation goes into an uproar.

The question being asked is Is thinking about cheating, cheating? Personally, I think this is a great question to ask as it has the ability to delve into some serious, and interesting, discussion on morals and ethics.

I think it is safe to say that everyone, at least once while in a relationship, sees someone and says Dang, I'd love to hit that! Whether they do or don't, and the reasons for either, are not important for this discussion. What is important here is that, for however briefly, they had some sort of fantasy about diddling someone else. So, in that case, no, it is not cheating. It is normal.

Now, I believe that such activity that the OPs friend is doing--purposefully going online to meet, flirt with, and the dump women he meets is definitely a d-bag maneuver. Whether he is doing it out of boredom or not doesn't matter. It would be lame even if he was single, but the fact that he is in a relationship makes it even worse.

But, is it cheating? Ultimately, I would say no. That doesn't excuse the behavior, or make it okay to be in a relationship with someone who does such things, but I wouldn't call it cheating. I would call it simply being an inconsiderate jerk, and if this dude's GF deems it necessary to end the relationship over it, it is also a good base for such an event.

Whether this is the prelude for taking the activity further and actually meet one or more of these women may or may not happen. What ever the case, you can't chastise someone for a future event that may or not come to pass. There was no mention by the OP whether his friend engaged in such antics before his GF began working nights, but based on the little bit of info, it appears as if it began after she has been gone in the evenings. So, perhaps the excuse of boredom is the true cause, and, perhaps this will all come to end if his GF stops working nights.

I dunno, but I don't think it is cheating.

[sierraAZ]

While it may not be technically cheating, she definitely has a sleazeball on her hands.