Is thinking about the possiblity of cheating, cheating? (guy, affair, relations)

[katestar]

Originally Posted by AnonymousMoi

Exactly!

My bf used to contact this girl he met on an online game. He said he only did it as a game but I still felt/feel cheated on. They would message eachother "I love you, I miss you" talk about sexual things, she sent him pictures of herself (not nude, although I found a message where she was trying to send one but someone walked in on her.) When I found out I absolutely flipped. I felt cheated on, and betrayed. If I feel it, then isn't it real to me?

Yes, I agree with you 100%. I guess I'm just saying that some guys do this in one way or another and it's somehow excusable. I think that wanting to have sex with a girl at a bar if your girlfriend wouldn't catch you is worse than surfing craigslist just browsing.

I have posted before and I'm girl and my gf and I have distinct boundaries. Certain things are accepted, others are considered disrespectful and borderline unfaithful. I'm not saying girls don't behave in the way I describe above, they do! I guess my whole point is that some actions are equivalent to other actions in different settings (online vs. bar), but some actions are allowed and others are not?!

[SifuPhil]

Originally Posted by AnonymousMoi

Exactly!

My bf used to contact this girl he met on an online game. He said he only did it as a game but I still felt/feel cheated on. They would message eachother "I love you, I miss you" talk about sexual things, she sent him pictures of herself (not nude, although I found a message where she was trying to send one but someone walked in on her.) When I found out I absolutely flipped. I felt cheated on, and betrayed. If I feel it, then isn't it real to me?

If YOU feel it, it's certainly real enough to YOU.

The BF might take some convincing, though.

[indigorose33]

unacceptable Anonymous you...I would have told him to cyber sex his little heart out..because the hot babe in his bed is gone Johnson.

[AnonymousMoi]

Originally Posted by indigorose33

unacceptable Anonymous you...I would have told him to cyber sex his little heart out..because the hot babe in his bed is gone Johnson.

I did.

[Prince_Frog]

Originally Posted by AnonymousMoi

Exactly!

My bf used to contact this girl he met on an online game. He said he only did it as a game but I still felt/feel cheated on. They would message eachother "I love you, I miss you" talk about sexual things, she sent him pictures of herself (not nude, although I found a message where she was trying to send one but someone walked in on her.) When I found out I absolutely flipped. I felt cheated on, and betrayed. If I feel it, then isn't it real to me?

That's cheating. Both emotionally and physically, or would be physically.

You had every right to feel that way, and i would have done the same thing in your shoes.

[Cindy_Jole]

Originally Posted by katestar

The guy is my friend and I don't know the girl. I know that he is a good guy, takes care of her, supports her etc. I guess this is a vice that he has. I'm a girl and hang out with guys a lot and I see how they behave at the bar when their girls are working. To me its shameful, but I guess that's how guys are. They flirt with the girls, talk about how if their girl wasn't coming home that night they would sleep with these girls etc. My friend stays home and check out the net. I don't know, I wouldn't like it either way I guess.

It really depends on the guy. Obviously some guys would have no qualms about cheating or attempting to cheat. There are guys who remain faithful though

I think what your guy friend's doing is wrong and taking care of her/supporting her doesn't make him a good boyfriend if he's propositioning other women online.

[SummerFall]

Originally Posted by LuckyGem

If he's married it's a problem. Legal commitment to a family/wife, maybe they're flirting with the idea of cheating should the occasion arise.

If he's single, it's not a problem. No legal commitment, only has a girlfriend, not cheating.

Period.

There's also no "thought police" anything that doesn't involve an actual meeting isn't cheating if they're only thinking about it.

Can i question the bolded part? I feel if someone has a committed relationship..even if its not LEGAL (example; boyfriend/girlfriend) then behavior like the OP writes about is also a problem. Why do some people think that doing crappy things are okay if the people are boyfriend/girlfriend but not married?

How do things progress to lead up to marriage??? By being in a relationship first. I would never want to be with someone who thought it was okay to do whatever he wanted as long as he wasn't married, even if he had a girlfriend. That should show you just what kind of person you might end up marrying.

If you want to do whatever the heck you want, then do not have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. Just CASUALLY DATE people, and then you can do whatever. But if you are going to get into a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, then respect that relationship.

[AnonymousMoi]

Originally Posted by SummerFall

Can i question the bolded part? I feel if someone has a committed relationship..even if its not LEGAL.... But if you are going to get into a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, then respect that relationship.

Agreed. My husband always says when we talk about the past "well we're married now." To me it made no difference before, I loved him had agreed to be in a relationship with him and that was all I needed to be faithful.

[I might]

I 'll go out on a limb for the guy here, but I think knowing how easy it is to cheat can sometime strengthen a relationship. It keeps people feeling they are with are person by choice and not by default and they are not trapped. These feelings take away from the quality of a relationship.
I think most cheaters male and female go with what they know , they use the same method to cheat as they did to meet their current SO. If he met his girl friend online then all bets are off

^^^ I actually get this. But, as to the OP beginning question: I don't believe thinking about cheating is cheating at all. Heck, I don't even consider flirting cheating, and to me that is sort of what this guy is doing...

I often think that people go way overboard with the "cheating" nonsense and judgement, anyway....so I'll keep any other comments to myself.

[womenpersonals]

Originally Posted by katestar

I have a friend who's gf just started to work a few nights a week, he works 9-5. So he told me that he's trolling craigslist at night just to "check it out." He communicates with the women as if he will get with them and then stops replying to emails after talk gets to meeting up. He says he would never meet up with any of them because he loves his girl, etc etc. Where's the line?

Better give him time to know better himself, and realize if the thing he was done was right or wrong. It was the boys' nature. Playing and fulling around. But sometimes, they are too harsh doing those things behind your back. Let him go and have a nice day ahead.